DEAR ABBY: I have lived with my best friend, "Lance," for five years on and off. Lance is 30; I am 24. Lately we have been discussing marriage. The problem is, he is gay, and the marriage would be for convenience only. I am not in love with Lance, nor is he in love with me. He thinks this would be a good idea because of the financial benefits, tax breaks and the like.

I am a little hesitant because I still want the fairy tale. I want the little house with its white picket fence and kids running around in the yard. We have discussed children, and we know it's possible to have them without having to have sex. What is your opinion? -- UNDECIDED IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR UNDECIDED: I recommend against what you have in mind. You and Lance are still young. Your lives are just beginning, and the chances of you both meeting someone you could fall in love with are great. Rather than "settling" in order to take advantage of tax breaks, you would both be happier in the long run if you stay true to yourselves and live your lives as who you really are -- best friends, but not spouses.

DEAR ABBY: I have always had a difficult relationship with my siblings. I have befriended them and tried to do for them, but they are mean-spirited and selfish. My brother has also physically abused me. (He has been jailed several times for hitting his longtime girlfriend.)

When I turned 40 this year, I finally decided that enough is enough. My psychiatrist, my husband and my friends agree that it's time for me to set boundaries and end these toxic relationships. I feel good about my decision.

The problem is that my parents do not. They feel my two daughters, ages 4 1/2 and 20 months, should have a relationship with their aunt and uncle even if I don't. They accuse me of "brainwashing" my children and insist that my girls be allowed to see my siblings regularly and "make up their own minds" on the subject. I say it is my responsibility to protect my daughters and that my decision should be respected.

Last weekend, when my older daughter was visiting my folks, they invited my brother to visit. They knew this was against my wishes and did it behind my back. Naturally, my daughter told me about it. Moreover, whenever my daughter visits them, they put her on the phone with my siblings and try to forge a relationship between them. Because of all this, I told my folks they may have only supervised visits with my children. Do you think this was going too far? -- KAREN IN ATLANTA

DEAR KAREN: It is unfortunate that it came to that, but no, I do not. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be thrilled to have my children associate with someone who had been jailed for the inability to control his temper -- in addition to having abused me.

Please follow the good advice you have received from your husband, your friends and your psychiatrist. By not dealing with the hostility between siblings when you were children, your parents had a hand in the evolution of the situation that has resulted. Sad as it is to say, not all families are functional. And before you are finished with therapy, you may need more sessions with your psychiatrist to figure out what you need to do about your relationship with your parents.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old high school senior. Last summer I lost my virginity. Since then I have slept with six guys. Do you think my future husband will be seriously upset about it, even though he will probably have been out there more than I have?

I guess I want to know whether you think I have become free-spirited or just promiscuous. -- POSSIBLY PROMISCUOUS IN MURFREESBORO, N.C.

DEAR POSSIBLY: What I think is less important than what YOU think is appropriate behavior. And if you were comfortable with what you have been doing, you wouldn't have written me.

If you continue on this path, you are in for trouble. The first thing that comes to mind is whether or not you know how to protect yourself from an unplanned pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease. If the answer is no, then you need to see a doctor or visit a Planned Parenthood clinic and learn about the real "facts of life." These include being checked for any STD you might have already been exposed to.

In addition, you say that in the last seven or eight months you have slept with six different men. At the rate you're going, in another six months that number could double, and by the time you are 25, the total could be close to 100. That is not what people refer to as "free-spirited." It definitely is what they call promiscuous. So, please take a break from men for a while and think carefully about how casual sex could affect your future.

DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, my husband told me he was no longer in love with me. We hadn't been getting along, and I hadn't been giving him the attention he deserved. When he said he didn't want to come home from work at night, it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was the wake-up call I needed.

We have worked things out and managed to stay together, and my husband says he loves me. But I found out that he told a friend at work that he was no longer in love with me before he told me! I'm on an antidepressant, which helps some, but I still feel sad about what he said. I also have a hard time when I see that friend of his. I want to run away and hide. How can I get over the hurt and shame? -- HEART ACHES IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HEART ACHES: It's possible that in addition to the antidepressant, you could use some counseling. You are viewing this life lesson from a negative perspective. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You and your husband worked out your problems, and you are both winners. So stop feeling like a loser, and call your doctor for a referral.

DEAR ABBY: I have a dear friend who recently met a man through an online dating service. When she told me about him, I thought he sounded too good to be true.

Through public records, I did a check on him. While I did not find anything criminal, his financial picture is not a good one. There are foreclosures, liens, bankruptcy, nonpayment of child support, etc. He is a professional man, and I think he is misrepresenting himself as being successful.

I am very worried about my friend. I don't want to spoil things for her. She's an adult and could do her own checking. I know it's really none of my business, but I'm never going to be able to forgive myself if something happens to her because of him. What would you suggest I do? -- LINDA IN OHIO

DEAR LINDA: You're right -- this was none of your business. However, now that you know the truth, it's time to observe the Golden Rule and ask yourself how you would feel if the situation were reversed and you were in your friend's shoes. If the answer is you would prefer to know all the facts before becoming further involved, tell her what you have learned. What she chooses to do with that information is up to her.

DEAR ABBY: I have a dear friend who recently met a man through an online dating service. When she told me about him, I thought he sounded too good to be true.

Through public records, I did a check on him. While I did not find anything criminal, his financial picture is not a good one. There are foreclosures, liens, bankruptcy, nonpayment of child support, etc. He is a professional man, and I think he is misrepresenting himself as being successful.

I am very worried about my friend. I don't want to spoil things for her. She's an adult and could do her own checking. I know it's really none of my business, but I'm never going to be able to forgive myself if something happens to her because of him. What would you suggest I do? -- LINDA IN OHIO

DEAR LINDA: You're right -- this was none of your business. However, now that you know the truth, it's time to observe the Golden Rule and ask yourself how you would feel if the situation were reversed and you were in your friend's shoes. If the answer is you would prefer to know all the facts before becoming further involved, tell her what you have learned. What she chooses to do with that information is up to her.

DEAR ABBY: I am an accountant. Now that tax season is again in full swing, several staff members from our office have compiled a list of "considerations" for Dear Abby readers in compiling their tax returns:

(1) Do not just "drop in" to leave your tax records. Even if we don't have an office full of clients waiting to be seen (and sometimes we do), we are probably knee-deep in preparing someone else's return. Being distracted from our work for a visit can be very disruptive.

(2) Because we see you only once a year, many clients feel the need to share how their children are doing. We try to be polite and listen. But if you spend up to an hour sharing how wonderful/smart -- or even worthless -- your children are, we'll be trading daylight for darkness trying to catch up. Multiply that by how many clients come through our doors, and it's overwhelming.

(3) Please pay your accountant in a timely fashion. I wish I had a nickel for every client who told me he/she thought his/her spouse had already written the check. However, it has never once occurred that both actually paid the bill. It may seem like we're rolling in money during tax season, but when the deadline rolls around, we have taxes to pay, too.

(4) Please do not call your accountant and ask a question for your neighbor's second cousin or anyone else other than yourself. This work is our livelihood, and giving advice for someone else often entails research, but it is not billable time for our firm.

(5) And last, if you call your accountant requesting information about the tax consequences of a decision you are trying to make, please do not have a fit when you receive a bill for the time spent doing this research. Many times we have spent a lot of time researching real estate transactions, etc. along with current tax laws to determine how a sale might cause increased tax liability for clients, and they are shocked to receive a statement for this time. -- SLEEPLESS IN TEXAS

DEAR SLEEPLESS: I'll bet most people don't recognize how any of the points you mentioned could possibly be an inconvenience, but I'm sure it happens every tax season. In case anyone has forgotten, accountants and tax preparers are human beings who need care, feeding and consideration. They're not robots with endless energy. So, when you go, be aware that this is one of their most pressured times of the year, and be as organized, prepared and businesslike as possible. Your accountant may love you, but it ain't a social call.

DEAR ABBY: My son is being married in September. It is a first marriage for both him and his fiancee. They are professionals and already have most everything they need to begin their life together.

Would it be appropriate to say they are registered at a bank or credit union rather than local retailers? Help with a down payment for their first home would be far more useful to them than three toasters. -- GROOM'S MOTHER IN OGDEN, UTAH

DEAR MOTHER: If you are planning to include that request with the wedding invitations, the answer is no. However, if you are asked specifically what the young couple needs or would like to have, then it is socially acceptable to respond in the way that you would like.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)