DEAR ABBY: You told "Needs Help in Chicago" (Feb. 10) to get back into college and see a counselor. I wholeheartedly agree. I was exactly like her. I avoided other people, maintained straight A's, had many offers for scholarships, went to college and, shortly after, burned out. I'm not sure about her, but I had been raped and molested at a young age, and books became my escape from the harsh reality of life.

There's a root cause for social avoidance, and it really can leave you feeling lost and adrift. I hope that girl will seek mental health counseling before she goes back to school. I'm sure it will change many things for her for the better. -- T.B., JACKSONVILLE, FLA.

DEAR T.B.: Thank you for reaching out to "Needs Help" and sharing your personal experience. I spotted the same red flag in her letter, which is why I hoped she'd talk to a mental health professional. However, because I was unsure of her financial situation, I felt she could most easily find a therapist through the school's student health center. You are only one of many readers who want to help that young woman. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As a college counselor, I'm amazed at the number of students who have no idea what to do with their lives. Fortunately, there are highly effective assessment tools and counseling protocols to help students identify the kind of work they would find fulfilling and rewarding, and that would give meaning to their lives. Helpful answers are there if students get the right counseling. -- PATRICIA BRESLIN, GAINESVILLE, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: I am a college English professor. Far too many students float through my classes who go to school only because their parents expect them to. Their attitude and grades often reflect this.

I encourage my own children (ages 17 and 20) to go out and experience life before going to college. I didn't start college until my mid-30s, and 10 years later am working on a Ph.D. As a result, I appreciated the experience much more and got more value from my tuition dollars. College right out of high school is not the answer for everyone. -- CARING PROFESSOR, WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR ABBY: "Needs Help in Chicago," who doesn't know what to do with her life, might consider joining the Peace Corps or becoming a VISTA or AmeriCorps volunteer. It's a wonderful way to spend a few years, provides valuable experiences and looks good on a resume. It would give her a chance to see the world in a new way and learn about herself. Anyone, at any time in life, can do this. It's a rewarding experience. -- R.L.H. IN WARNER ROBINS, GA.

DEAR ABBY: I dropped out of an Ivy League school after one semester due to burnout and boredom. Everyone I knew was sure I was making the wrong decision. It was the best choice I ever made.

During my 2 1/2 years off, I participated in a semester program through NOLS, the National Outdoor Leadership School (� HYPERLINK "http://www.nols.edu" ��www.nols.edu�). NOLS offers scholarships, financial aid and college credit. I recommend it to anyone seeking direction and challenge in life.

Eventually, when I was ready, I returned to school and graduated with honors. I now own my own business and attribute my successes to NOLS. I hope "Needs Help" will seriously consider this alternative to college. -- KATE IN CHEYENNE, WYO.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I saved a poem that I read in your column years ago, and now for the life of me, I can't find it. It was about looking at yourself in the mirror and realizing how important character is, rather than the opinion of others. Can you tell me where to find it? My daughter is popular at school, but she was caught cheating on an exam, and I want to give it to her. -- NANCY IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NANCY: I'm very familiar with the poem you're looking for. It was a favorite of my mother's and part of a collection of letters, poems and essays that had special meaning for her. It became part of the Dear Abby Keepers Booklet.

For your convenience, I'm reprinting it today. Read on:

THE MAN IN THE GLASS

(Author Unknown)

When you get what you want in your struggle for self

And the world makes you king for a day,

Just go to a mirror and look at yourself

And see what THAT man has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or wife

Whose judgment upon you must pass,

The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the one staring back from the glass.

Some people might think you're a straight-shootin' chum

And call you a wonderful guy.

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.

He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest,

For he's with you clear to the end,

And you've passed your most dangerous test

If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years

And get pats on the back as you pass,

But your final reward will be heartache and tears

If you've cheated the man in the glass.

My Keepers Booklet can be ordered by sending a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

The booklet is inspiring, positive, and a quick, easy read for anyone who needs a "lift."

DEAR ABBY: The husband of a close friend of mine is graduating from the state police academy. She's throwing him a party, and we're invited. Could you please suggest an appropriate gift for him? I'm stuck. -- A READER IN THE EAST

DEAR READER: How about a St. Christopher's medal? He's sure to be doing a lot of "traveling."

DEAR ABBY: Your reply to "Worried Aunt in Florida" (Feb. 9), whose nephew suffers from OCD, hit the nail on the head. Often parents don't want their children's psychotic behaviors made public by seeking help. Nothing could be so wrong! I know because a close family member, who for years required counseling and analysis, was ignored by her parents so they could avoid the stigma of having a "crazy" child.

The result? A failed suicide attempt, resulting in permanent physical impairment and significant deterioration in the mental state of that child. It's my belief that every so-called "odd behavior" is a warning signal and should be addressed before things get out of hand. -- STEVE IN ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR STEVE: I agree that parents need to be vigilant and proactive in protecting their children, and not hide their heads in the sand pretending that problems don't exist. I heard from a number of health care professionals who were also concerned about the young man in the letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In the health care world, there are such things as "emancipated conditions." These are certain health conditions that can be treated in minors without parental consent or knowledge. (In some states the child can be 12 or older; in others, 14 or older.) In the state of Florida, this law applies.

If "Vincent" is concerned about his obsessive-compulsive disorder and his parents refuse to acknowledge the problem, he may seek treatment without them. The local health department in that boy's county can provide information on clinics that provide these services. Minors do have a choice regarding their health care when it comes to emancipated conditions. -- CERTIFIED PEDIATRIC NURSE PRACTITIONER IN INDIANA

DEAR ABBY: As a psychiatrist, I must respond to "Worried Aunt" about her nephew's likely OCD. OCD can be a horribly disabling condition thought to be caused by an imbalance of neurotransmitters in a specific region of the brain. Recent research has linked its onset in children and adolescents to an immune response to streptococcal infection. Bottom line: It's nobody's "fault," and many good treatments exist to reduce its crippling effects.

I suspect the mother of this child is not seeking care for him in part because of worry that she will be blamed for his condition. Despite good ole Oedipus, in this age, we in the profession have learned it's not (usually) Mom's fault! Please refer families with loved ones suffering from OCD to NAMI, to the Web site of the National Institute of Mental Health (www.nimh.nih.gov), or to local support groups where excellent information on treatments may be obtained. -- THOMAS HARDING, M.D., MILWAUKEE

DEAR READERS: For anyone who might not know, "NAMI" is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Its toll-free number is (800) 950-6264. Its Web site is � HYPERLINK "http://www.nami.org" ��www.nami.org�.

DEAR ABBY: OCD is a very real disorder that could lead to depression or suicide. You can't "just stop" these behaviors. Please inform "Worried Aunt" about the Obsessive Compulsive Foundation. Reach it by calling 1-203-401-2070, or on the Web at � HYPERLINK "http://www.ocfoundation.org" ��www.ocfoundation.org�. I did not know until a therapist in our area, specifically trained to treat OCD, interviewed our son that he felt hopeless, depressed and suicidal.

After a year of treatment he is a different, happier person. OCD is a lifelong condition, but there are tools to deal with it so that young man can lead a normal life. -- PARENT OF A SON WITH OCD

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)