DEAR ABBY: I saved a poem that I read in your column years ago, and now for the life of me, I can't find it. It was about looking at yourself in the mirror and realizing how important character is, rather than the opinion of others. Can you tell me where to find it? My daughter is popular at school, but she was caught cheating on an exam, and I want to give it to her. -- NANCY IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NANCY: I'm very familiar with the poem you're looking for. It was a favorite of my mother's and part of a collection of letters, poems and essays that had special meaning for her. It became part of the Dear Abby Keepers Booklet.

For your convenience, I'm reprinting it today. Read on:

THE MAN IN THE GLASS

(Author Unknown)

When you get what you want in your struggle for self

And the world makes you king for a day,

Just go to a mirror and look at yourself

And see what THAT man has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or wife

Whose judgment upon you must pass,

The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the one staring back from the glass.

Some people might think you're a straight-shootin' chum

And call you a wonderful guy.

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.

He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest,

For he's with you clear to the end,

And you've passed your most dangerous test

If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years

And get pats on the back as you pass,

But your final reward will be heartache and tears

If you've cheated the man in the glass.

My Keepers Booklet can be ordered by sending a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

The booklet is inspiring, positive, and a quick, easy read for anyone who needs a "lift."

DEAR ABBY: The husband of a close friend of mine is graduating from the state police academy. She's throwing him a party, and we're invited. Could you please suggest an appropriate gift for him? I'm stuck. -- A READER IN THE EAST

DEAR READER: How about a St. Christopher's medal? He's sure to be doing a lot of "traveling."

DEAR ABBY: Your reply to "Worried Aunt in Florida" (Feb. 9), whose nephew suffers from OCD, hit the nail on the head. Often parents don't want their children's psychotic behaviors made public by seeking help. Nothing could be so wrong! I know because a close family member, who for years required counseling and analysis, was ignored by her parents so they could avoid the stigma of having a "crazy" child.

The result? A failed suicide attempt, resulting in permanent physical impairment and significant deterioration in the mental state of that child. It's my belief that every so-called "odd behavior" is a warning signal and should be addressed before things get out of hand. -- STEVE IN ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR STEVE: I agree that parents need to be vigilant and proactive in protecting their children, and not hide their heads in the sand pretending that problems don't exist. I heard from a number of health care professionals who were also concerned about the young man in the letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In the health care world, there are such things as "emancipated conditions." These are certain health conditions that can be treated in minors without parental consent or knowledge. (In some states the child can be 12 or older; in others, 14 or older.) In the state of Florida, this law applies.

If "Vincent" is concerned about his obsessive-compulsive disorder and his parents refuse to acknowledge the problem, he may seek treatment without them. The local health department in that boy's county can provide information on clinics that provide these services. Minors do have a choice regarding their health care when it comes to emancipated conditions. -- CERTIFIED PEDIATRIC NURSE PRACTITIONER IN INDIANA

DEAR ABBY: As a psychiatrist, I must respond to "Worried Aunt" about her nephew's likely OCD. OCD can be a horribly disabling condition thought to be caused by an imbalance of neurotransmitters in a specific region of the brain. Recent research has linked its onset in children and adolescents to an immune response to streptococcal infection. Bottom line: It's nobody's "fault," and many good treatments exist to reduce its crippling effects.

I suspect the mother of this child is not seeking care for him in part because of worry that she will be blamed for his condition. Despite good ole Oedipus, in this age, we in the profession have learned it's not (usually) Mom's fault! Please refer families with loved ones suffering from OCD to NAMI, to the Web site of the National Institute of Mental Health (www.nimh.nih.gov), or to local support groups where excellent information on treatments may be obtained. -- THOMAS HARDING, M.D., MILWAUKEE

DEAR READERS: For anyone who might not know, "NAMI" is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Its toll-free number is (800) 950-6264. Its Web site is � HYPERLINK "http://www.nami.org" ��www.nami.org�.

DEAR ABBY: OCD is a very real disorder that could lead to depression or suicide. You can't "just stop" these behaviors. Please inform "Worried Aunt" about the Obsessive Compulsive Foundation. Reach it by calling 1-203-401-2070, or on the Web at � HYPERLINK "http://www.ocfoundation.org" ��www.ocfoundation.org�. I did not know until a therapist in our area, specifically trained to treat OCD, interviewed our son that he felt hopeless, depressed and suicidal.

After a year of treatment he is a different, happier person. OCD is a lifelong condition, but there are tools to deal with it so that young man can lead a normal life. -- PARENT OF A SON WITH OCD

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In January, the American Cancer Society reported that cancer deaths had dropped for the second year in a row. The study noted that there was a big decline in colorectal cancer mortality. This is great news, Abby, but we can't rest on these laurels.

The decline in colon cancer deaths is largely attributed to early detection, which is why it's so important for those 50 and over to get tested. I need your help in continuing to get the word out about the importance of getting tested for colorectal (commonly known as "colon") cancer.

Just as every woman knows that breast cancer screening saves lives, every man and woman should know that colon cancer screening also saves lives. Starting at age 50, men and women -- regardless of their family history -- should talk with their doctors about their testing options for this deadly disease.

Getting tested can stop colon cancer before it starts because the tests enable doctors to detect and remove hidden growths (called "polyps") before they can become cancerous. The tests can also detect cancer in an early stage. When found at its earliest, most treatable stage, colon cancer has a 90 percent survival rate!

March is National Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month. I hope your readers will become more aware of the need to be tested and discuss it with their doctors as well as friends and loved ones who should be tested. Thanks for your help, Abby. -- RICHARD C. WENDER, M.D., PRESIDENT, AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY

DEAR DR. WENDER: You're welcome. And thank you for your important and timely reminder, which proves the truth of the saying, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." Because colon cancer is one of those "silent" diseases that can take hold before a person realizes he or she is in trouble, it's vital that men and women be checked for it on a regular basis.

Some good news: Medicare now covers all the tests for colon cancer. New Medicare beneficiaries within the first six months of enrollment can learn more about these tests by taking advantage of the "Welcome to Medicare" visit. It's an initial wellness physical exam that gives beneficiaries and physicians a chance to discuss health risk factors and schedule cancer screenings already covered by Medicare, including those for colon cancer.

As always, the American Cancer Society is there to help with a free information kit to assist readers in talking to their doctors about colon cancer testing. Let the society help you stop colon cancer before it starts by calling the toll-free number: (800) 227-2345.

DEAR ABBY: In one of my college classes, the professor was adamant about not clapping in the middle of a live theater performance. He said clapping interrupts the performers and should be done only at the end of each piece.

Yet every time I attend a concert or ballet, the audience claps after each dance, song or sometimes even a fancy move. What is proper etiquette at a live performance? -- LAUREN IN CAVE CREEK, ARIZ.

DEAR LAUREN: Ideally it would be preferable if the audience waited until "the fat lady sang" before starting the applause because not only can it distract the performer, it can also be annoying to other members of the audience. However, because applause is an expression of appreciation -- and often spontaneous -- it is impossible to control. (That's why some people avoid rock concerts.)

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)