DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Jane," and I are both in our mid-50s. Jane has had numerous affairs over the past several years after her third divorce, and was involved in an "intimate relationship" with a terrific man, "Will," that lasted about three months. Jane broke up with Will several months after she decided he wasn't what she was looking for, and she's presently engaged to be married to a very nice man ("Sam") and seems very happy.

I dated Will several times before he and Jane became involved. We weren't intimate at that time, and we started seeing each other again over the last month. This time we have fallen in love.

My problem is Jane is upset that Will and I are together and says I have "betrayed" her. She is worried about having her former and current lovers present at family gatherings, and our parents are also concerned. They say it's "just weird." The fact that my sister was intimate with Will doesn't bother me or Will, but it sure bothers them.

Abby, I have always been the "good girl" in the family and bowed under their pressure, but my relationship with Will is more than I could have ever imagined, and I don't want to give up my future happiness just to make my sister and my parents more comfortable. My adult children have all met and approve of Will and our relationship, but Jane and my parents won't budge. Any suggestions? -- WANTS WILL IN WALLA WALLA, WASH.

DEAR WANTS WILL: Perhaps it's time to stop being the "good girl," begin acting like a woman who knows what she wants, and confront the double standard in your family. If your sister was "sophisticated" enough to have serial affairs, and your parents have been so worldly they have turned a blind eye to it, then they should all be adult enough to realize that you are entitled to your happiness, too.

Although this may make for some awkward first few family gatherings, as grown-ups, everyone should be able to get past it. But if they can't, you are going to have to decide whether you want this man, or to be a people-pleaser for the rest of your life.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 48-year-old woman who lives with her fiance. My mother doesn't like him because she thinks he is not taking care of me in the manner to which SHE feels I should be taken care of.

My fiance is a former felon with nine convictions. He served his time, is now off parole -- free and clear -- and is attending college full time. He has not found a job yet, but he does odd jobs to help around the house. This is causing a rift between my mom and me. What can I do? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: If I were you, I would make it a long engagement. Because you did not mention what your fiance has been convicted of, nine times over, it is hard to determine whether he will ever manage to get a job and do more than help you around the house. If that is still all right with you a few years down the road, then who am I to say you should live differently? But please don't blame your mother for wanting you to have, at the very least, an equal partner.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY IRISH READERS:

"May the most you wish for be the least you get.

"May the best times you've ever had be the worst you will ever see."

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The one-year anniversary of my husband's death is approaching. It has been a long and difficult year, but my children and I are mending. With the anniversary date coming up next month, we have all been feeling depressed.

My problem is I have recently started seeing a gentleman ("Donald") who is kind, loving, generous, and understanding to both me and my children. Although I don't know where this relationship is heading, I do think he is special.

Our conversations sometimes include my husband. (He also speaks of his ex-wife.) I do not want to make Donald feel like second fiddle to my deceased husband. How can I reassure him that although I am hurting over the loss of someone I loved for 20 years -- especially on anniversaries of certain events -- that my relationship with him is important to me? -- STILL GRIEVING, MELBOURNE, FLA.

DEAR STILL GRIEVING: The surest way to reassure Donald would be to address the subject. Ask him, "Does it bother you when I mention my deceased husband?" You may be pleasantly surprised to find that he understands completely. But if he doesn't, then you should tell him exactly what you have told me. I have always believed in the power of communication.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having a hard time making my friends understand that I would prefer not to go out for food or drinks to celebrate my birthday. I know their hearts are in the right place and have told them so, but they don't seem to get the message and are hurt by my not wanting to go out.

I have many friends and family, and all of them want to do something different. I would prefer to let the day pass. Someone went so far as to tell me that it is "attention-seeking" to not let people celebrate my day.

Can you help me find the words to tell them I'm not interested without hurting their feelings? -- BIRTHDAY GIRL IN WILMINGTON, DEL.

DEAR BIRTHDAY GIRL: Try this: Explain that not everyone views birthdays in the same light. Some people find birthdays to be depressing, and pretending that they don't so others can celebrate makes them even more depressed. This is not an attention-getting device; it is simply a preference for marking the occasion with quiet contemplation instead of forced gaiety.

DEAR ABBY: Two of my co-workers, both of whom are married, are having an affair. It seems as if they don't care if they flaunt it.

They take long lunches together, and apparently he is now visiting her house while her husband is out of town. She has small children, and now the children know the man as "Mommy's friend who comes over when Daddy is gone."

Abby, I have seen her write love notes while she's supposed to be working, and I have seen e-mails in which he confesses his love for her. I feel sorry for the spouses of these two people.

Should I just mind my own business, let this continue, and let them get caught on their own? What would you do if you were in my place? -- LOLA IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR LOLA: I would mind my own business and let them get caught on their own. However, since the romance appears to be an open secret -- and being as it's Las Vegas -- I'd start a pool and take bets on how long it will take before one of the children mentions "Mommy's friend" to Daddy.

DEAR ABBY: I have enjoyed the columns you've printed about people whose names matched their professions, and wonder if you would be interested in an incident that happened to my sister. Her name is Dragony, and she works in a pharmacy located in a medical building. Her license plate reads DRAGONY. Well, someone went into the pharmacy and asked the girl at the counter, "Who is Dr. Agony?" I still laugh when I think about it. -- KATHI IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR KATHI: Funny! Your sister's license plate reminds me of one that belongs to my neighbor, who happens to be an anesthesiologist. Her license plate reads: EPIDURL.

I am still hearing from readers offering names -- and some of them are a hoot. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, I was office manager for a printing company that did work for the American Tobacco Co. in North Carolina. The purchasing agent's assistant there was a woman by the name of Flicka Ashe. Can you believe it! -- DOLORES IN SPARTANBURG, S.C.

DEAR ABBY: I have sold real estate for 18 years, and no one ever forgets my name. It's ... BETH NEWHOUSE, MAYVILLE, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: My grandma fell and broke her hip last summer and had to have surgery. Her surgeon? Dr. Mark Cutright! -- KATHY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR ABBY: Shame on you! How could you forget your fellow member of the Group for Advancement of Psychiatry -- Dr. John Looney? -- FRANCES ROTON BELL, DALLAS

DEAR ABBY: Here's an item that might qualify. It's from the Jan. 16 edition of our local newspaper: "Charles T. Sprinkle, 27, of Sandpoint was cited on a charge of urinating in public at 11:52 p.m. in the 200 block of Main Street." -- LARRY S. IN IDAHO

DEAR ABBY: Would you like more names that match? My optician was named Ralph Glance, my daughter's allergist was Dr. Eitches, and my children's dentist is Dr. Spitz. -- SUSAN K., HAYWARD, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: When I was in high school, there was a family with the last name "Braa." Guess what the mom's first name was? "Iona"! My initials are "B.S.," but this story is not. -- B.S., FARIBAULT, MINN.

DEAR ABBY: When my sister and I were children, we'd play a game called "I Spy" during road trips from Georgia to Alabama. On one of them we spotted a septic tank installation and maintenance company named "Seth Poole and Sons." -- LARRY IN DOERUN, GA.

DEAR ABBY: I used to work with a young woman named Linda Snow. She met and married a wonderful man. When she did, she became Mrs. Snow-White! -- A FAN, SUN CITY, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: My salesman husband was dealing with a particularly difficult client who demanded to speak to the boss. The reply: "I'll be happy to transfer you to him. His name is Robin Hood; if he isn't in, you can speak with his secretary -- Marian!" True story, real people. -- JENNIFER IN HOUSTON

DEAR ABBY: This isn't occupation-related, but I thought you might get a kick out of it anyway. I went to school with twins Esther and Lester Chester and their big brother, Chester Chester Jr. And no, I'm not kidding. -- L. LEGGETT, MAGNOLIA, MISS.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)