DEAR ABBY: I am in a very awkward situation. I was married last week and am very happy with my new husband, "Ralph." However, when people ask, "Where did you two meet?" that's when the glamour shatters.

Abby, Ralph and I met in a public restroom in a very rundown area that we happened to be vacationing in. I hate telling people that's where we met because they usually laugh, thinking it's a joke. Should I just tell them the town where we were vacationing? -- NEWLYWED IN THE BATHROOM

DEAR NEWLYWED I.T.B.: There is such a thing as giving people too much information, and that's what you have been doing. By all means tell those who inquire that you met in such-and-such town. There is no need to tell anyone that the exact location was a public bathroom or what you were doing there when Cupid's arrow struck.

DEAR ABBY: At my last job, there was a privacy policy in place in which no one could ask nor discuss another worker's medical condition or reason for taking medical leave. However, "Thelma," the coordinator at my present job (I've been here two years), constantly badgers us and insists that we tell her our reason for medical leave or what our medical condition is.

I have noticed that she repeats to others what is told to her; therefore I do not tell her anything.

Thelma recently sent around a sympathy card for everyone to sign for a woman in another department who had suffered a miscarriage. (I had no idea the woman was even pregnant.) I thought the card was tacky and a form of gossip, and I told the coordinator so. Her response to me was that this woman has had other miscarriages!

How can I put a stop to her insensitivity and gossip? Should I go over Thelma's head and report her, or confront her one-on-one? I feel like I'm in a no-win situation. Also, this is happening at a large, respectable law firm. She recently asked me why I had gone to the doctor, and I responded by saying, "Didn't I tell you? Then, I guess it's none of your business." She didn't get the hint (!) and resorted to asking my co-workers if they knew. -- INVADED IN NEW BERN, N.C.

DEAR INVADED: According to my labor law guru, Nancy Bertrando: "In most states -- if not all -- people have the right to privacy with respect to any medical information. Employers have the right to require a physician's verification of a need for a medical leave, but not an underlying diagnosis. If Thelma asks you again, say, 'I'm not comfortable answering that question, and it's not appropriate for you to ask.'"

Frankly, I find it shocking that in a "large, respectable law firm" they don't already know and abide by this.

DEAR ABBY: Our oldest son was married several months ago. One of his best friends from college responded affirmatively to the wedding invitation, saying he and his wife would be there. However, when the wedding was held, they did not show up, nor did they send a card or even an explanation as to why they were not there.

We just received an announcement of the impending birth of their first child, with a note about where they are registered for gifts. We are tempted to ignore it. What should be our response? -- STEAMED IN WACO, TEXAS

DEAR STEAMED: Although I can relate to your impulse to toss the announcement in the wastebasket, this is your opportunity to display better manners than this couple showed. Send them a nice card of congratulations. Period.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I was gratified to read the letter from "Grateful Woman in the Midwest" (Jan 13), who wondered how to honor the friends who had taken her in when she was in trouble, and given her support and shelter until she was able to move on.

Our family has also done this for young people in trouble, trying to help them turn their lives around. The greatest gift we ever received came from one young man I'll call Danny.

Danny was only 20. When he came to us, just before Christmas one year, he had a 4-year-old son, was estranged from his birth family and was in desperate need. We made their Christmas bright, helped Danny find a job, cared for his son until a slot opened at Head Start, and ultimately helped find them an apartment. We even covered the utility deposits.

Never once did Danny default on his payments. He is now a model young man, owns his own business and home, and is an excellent parent. I ran into him at the supermarket the other day, and he said, "I want you to know, my son and I adopted a family last Christmas." He went on to describe how they had selected and wrapped gifts, made a holiday food basket, even baked cookies for the family. The light in his eyes as he related the story spoke volumes. It was the most wonderful gift Danny could have given us.

Please tell "Grateful" that turning around and helping others will make her angels sing with joy. -- STILL SINGING, BATH, MAINE

DEAR STILL SINGING: Your uplifting letter made ME sing with joy, as I'm sure it will many of my readers. I'm pleased to report that there are many "guardian angels" on Earth because I heard from them. Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: A thank-you note promising to "pay it forward" would be priceless. We have been helping people for years (anonymously when we can), but when pressed for a reason, we always talk about those individuals who helped us, and explain that this is our way of expressing our gratitude. Nothing in this world is more joy-filled for us, the original "givers" or the recipients. It's also a gift that can keep on giving for a lifetime. -- MICKI IN WEST PALM BEACH

DEAR ABBY: After my stepson died a number of years ago, one friend, "Tom," came and helped us tremendously. I thanked him at the time, but it wasn't until I was able to take on the same role for a different friend who had lost a loved one, and then wrote Tom about it, that his act of kindness was truly clear to him. He wept openly at having been able to make such a positive difference in our time of need. -- GRATEFUL IN BIDDEFORD, MAINE

DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago, people helped me in ways I could never repay. One of them said, "When it's your turn, then you can help someone." Now that I'm in my 40s, I help college students with references, networking and food. And I always tell them that in 20 years, I want them to help someone when they are able to. More important than getting a "good feeling," I am continuing a cycle of grace and gratitude. I hope "Grateful" will consider this possibility. -- SEAN IN HUMBLE, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, I had the chance to help a friend in crisis. My husband and I invited the man to come and live with us. It was the best decision we ever made. He is a new man now, and watching him live his new life gives us great joy.

Trust me: It's enough for "Grateful" to go out and live her life well. That is all her friends would ever want from her. -- HAPPY TO HAVE HELPED IN SANTA CRUZ, CALIF.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My fiance's brother, "Nate," is going through a separation from his wife of 11 years, "Joanne." Everyone on Nate's side of the family is giving him all the support they can, but they are still very close to his wife. They realize he is an emotional cripple, prone to fits of rage and depression.

In order to save his marriage, Nate agreed to therapy and has been going regularly in the hope of saving the children from the experience of a messy divorce.

Abby, Nate talks about having a "dark side" and often talks about doing physical harm to his wife. He admits that he has not mentioned these feelings to his therapist, which means he is wasting his time there. I would never forgive myself if something should happen to Joanne.

Should I contact her and let her know? She already knows about his potential for violence. Or should I tell his therapist? I do not think their marriage is going to be saved, and when it's finally resolved is the time I fear the most. Any suggestions? -- LOST IN OHIO

DEAR LOST: It appears Nate is not in therapy because he realizes he needs it, but rather to manipulate his wife into continuing an unhappy, potentially violent marriage. It is important that you inform Joanne that Nate has been talking about causing her physical harm and that he is not cooperating fully with his therapist. That way, she can take steps to protect herself -- including discussing it with her attorney and/or the police.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of eight years, "Gwen," told me she had been raped by our brother-in-law before we were married. I have an extremely tough time at family gatherings because of this. Gwen continues on as if nothing ever happened.

Gwen refuses to talk about this to anyone. She says she told her parents about it at the time; however, they refused to believe her. She has now been diagnosed as bipolar and has severe depression.

I need to know if there is anything I can do to help her. Gwen has been seeing a counselor, whom I speak to also. Should I bring it up during a session? I know this has severely hurt my wife over the years. Please advise. -- WORRIED ABOUT MY WIFE IN TEXAS

DEAR WORRIED: Because your in-laws did not believe their daughter when she went to them about the rape, in a sense, your wife was raped twice. That kind of trauma, when suppressed, can resurface later in the form of depression and other problems. If Gwen has not already done so, her therapist should definitely be informed. To do so could hasten her healing.

DEAR ABBY: How do you tell the difference between someone with a gambling problem and someone who is trying to become a poker champion?

The person is my husband, and I'd like to support his dream of being a champion. I have never been around gamblers, and I am not sure where the line is drawn. -- QUEEN OF HEARTS IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR QUEEN OF HEARTS: Many men and women enjoy gambling as a form of entertainment, and some can (and do) make a living at it. However, for some people gambling can become an addiction. These compulsive gamblers are unable to overcome the impulse to keep on trying, lose more money than they can afford to spend, and sacrifice their lifestyle and their family's future as their futile attempts drive them deeper and deeper into debt. These people need professional help and/or a 12-step program to overcome their addiction.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)