DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to the letter from "Teresa in Daytona, Fla." (Jan. 14), who said she loves her husband dearly in the daytime, but at night she'd like to file for divorce. She said that the night before she wrote you, she'd had a nightmare that a growling animal was stalking her and awoke to find the noise was coming from him.

The same problem existed in my marriage -- but I was the problem, not my husband. I am a young wife and former snorer who underwent a sleep study at a sleep disorder clinic in order to appease my husband. The data collected from the sleep study led to procedures on my nose, tonsils and tongue that not only cured the snoring, but also improved my overall quality of life. -- QUIET SLEEPER IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR QUIET SLEEPER: Bless you for sharing the solution to your problem. The letters I received from readers who identified with "Teresa" and wanted to offer help were varied and enlightening. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My husband snores so loud that he can be heard from the other side of the house. Sleeping in one of the other bedrooms isn't an option for me simply because, "ahem," we are married.

I have found that disposable 32-decibel earplugs, the kind that are used for shooting handguns and can be found in almost any sporting goods section or store, make for a more peaceful night's rest. (The 32-decibel is the highest range I have found.) They're made of a soft, comfortable foam, are very inexpensive and they have saved me countless sleepless nights and grouchy mornings. -- TAMMY IN CROWLEY, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: My husband snores like Teresa's. For years I was awakened repeatedly throughout the night. I kept getting sick with colds and flu, which grew more severe. I became less effective at work and almost lost my job.

I now use a hearing protection headset I bought at an industrial safety store. (It's the kind worn by the workers on airport runways while they guide the jet planes to the dock.) Snoring and jet airplane engines are in about the same sound range, and the headset cuts 90 to 95 percent of the noise.

They cost about $60 and take some getting used to, but an added advantage is they also eliminate being awakened by garbage trucks, traffic noise or noisy people in hotel hallways. -- SLEEPING WELL NOW IN STOCKTON

DEAR ABBY: May I offer my two cents to Teresa with the snoring spouse? If he doesn't have sleep apnea, as she says, then he should ask his dentist about a "snore guard."

I have been providing this service to my patients for several years, after making one for my stepfather. My mother suffered for years with his snoring until I made one for him.

The procedure is simple and painless. The dentist takes impressions (or molds) of the patient's teeth and sends them to a laboratory, which then fabricates the guard. It's a clear plastic device that covers the patient's teeth, similar to the ones worn by patients who clench or grind their teeth at night. -- DR. CAROLINE C. IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: Please tell Teresa to take her husband to a doctor immediately. My husband snored loudly; I thought nothing of it. Then my co-worker's husband died of sleep apnea. I dragged my husband to the doctor, and per the specialists at Stanford Hospital, he had the worst case in recorded medical history. They said it was a miracle he was still alive. Please urge Teresa -- not just advise -- that she run, not walk, her husband to a doctor. -- THANKFUL I DID IN DAVIS, CALIF.

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DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Crystal" for about a year. For the last seven months we shared a house together. We live in a very small town, and to make extra money as well as have something to occupy her time, Crystal started her own business. It has not been going well, and to top it off, I was laid off from my job.

Crystal decided to return to the city where she was living before I met her and take up her old job. She finally admitted to me, days after I proposed marriage, that she is a paid escort.

To me it is morally wrong, but she sees nothing wrong with it. I agreed to let her do it -- with limitations -- meaning nothing illegal or sexual. But I still have a problem with her going out with strange men for money. I also don't like the thought of her sharing her company this way.

Crystal insists that she's doing nothing wrong and now she is upset with me for having a problem with it. Am I wrong for feeling the way I do? I am teetering on the edge of telling her goodbye. -- TEETERING IN MONTANA

DEAR TEETERING: Please "teeter" no more, because I am giving you the little push you need to straighten out your thinking. Your feelings are your feelings, and you are entitled to them. Most men when confronted with this question would feel just the way you do. So face the fact that you and Crystal have very different values, and let her go.

DEAR ABBY: I have two stepchildren whom I love dearly. The older one, "Dawn," went through a difficult divorce and got bad credit because of it. Dawn is a single mother and has no major credit cards she could use in case of emergency, so I put her on one of mine that I don't use. I told her to use it as she saw fit, so she would have something to fall back on should something happen. It had a limit of $1,000.

In the year and a half that Dawn has had the card, the limit has gone to $1,800. However, she has missed some payments, and several over-the-limit fees have been assessed. The last time, I confronted her about the situation and she blew up at me and said that I had told her to use the card "as she saw fit."

Abby, I don't have the heart to remind Dawn that she's damaging MY credit with her poor payment history. (I can ill afford to assume the payments.) I have been denied credit because of this and have lost points off my credit score. I feel I am being punished for trying to be nice. I also hesitate bringing it up because I love my granddaughter to death, and I'm afraid Dawn won't bring her around if I mention something. What should I do? -- NERVOUS AND ANGRY

DEAR NERVOUS AND ANGRY: You were extremely kind to have given your stepdaughter your credit card as a safety net in case of an emergency. However, your mistake was in telling her it could be used "as she saw fit" without giving her realistic guidelines, because it seems she "saw fit" to use the card irresponsibly.

Please do not allow this mess to continue out of fear that your grandchild will be used as leverage. You have already been damaged enough, and this will continue as long as you continue to allow it. It is imperative that, for your own financial health -- not to mention your peace of mind -- that you cancel the card immediately. Sadly, if your stepdaughter does not make good on the balance, you are going to have to, and that's reality.

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DEAR ABBY: "Frustrated in Philly" (Jan. 14) wrote that he is burnt out from working two jobs because his wife, "Darla," is preoccupied with material things and "likes to keep up with the Joneses." He said they've been married 10 years and have three kids, and although she promises to get a job and help with the bills, it never happens.

Your advice to "Frustrated" should have included, "Sell some of your toys, quit one of your jobs, and spend more time at home with the family before you have a heart attack! Do not kill yourself to please a taker." -- JOHN C., SAGINAW, MICH.

DEAR JOHN C.: I told "Frustrated in Philly" that in his wife's view, his role is to support her in the manner to which she aspires, regardless of its effect on him -- and that he should offer her the option of marriage counseling or consult a lawyer. However, not all of my readers viewed the situation in the same light that you and I did. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm sad that you thought the wife who kept developing "mysterious illnesses" and failing to find a job was totally selfish and perceived her husband's role as "to support her in the manner to which she aspires" while her own role was simply "to enjoy it." Speaking from experience, I think her problem may be fear.

After an eight-year career, I was a stay-at-home mom for nine years. By the time I thought about going back to the work force, my confidence had been nearly destroyed (because my husband was so controlling and hypercritical), and it made me afraid to try.

In spite of my husband's disapproval, I joined a direct sales company and struggled to succeed. Because of my low self-esteem, it was like trying to climb a mountain with a boulder on my shoulder. I am still with that company, but no longer with my (ex) husband, and I am finally very happy.

I'm afraid your answer to the husband will make him continue to be angry and confrontational. If only he'd stop trying to force her to get a job and talk to her about what's best for the whole family's future, there might be some hope. He could say: "Honey, we're on the same team. I'm afraid that working two jobs is ruining my health. If there's a reason why going back into the work force scares you, let's talk about it." -- JERSEY GIRL

DEAR ABBY: "Frustrated" should not have to work two jobs just to keep up with his wife's spending. Marriage counseling is a good start, but there may be something more serious going on. It seems to me like his wife's behavior could be a sign of severe depression or bipolar disorder. It's worth checking out. -- HOLLY IN COLORADO

DEAR ABBY: I would remind "Frustrated" that raising three children under the age of 10 is a full-time job, even if it doesn't pay financially. Also, would a woman who has not worked outside the home in at least 10 years be able to get a job that pays enough to offset the cost of child care now that Mom's not home?

"Frustrated" needs to sit down with his wife, decide on mutual financial goals, and develop a budget. If sticking to a budget is impossible for her, then maybe he needs to take control of the finances, cut up the credit cards, and put his wife on an allowance to cover household expenses. Finances are one of the most common reasons for marital strife. I hope that couple can reach a compromise. -- JENNIFER IN FLORIDA

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