DEAR ABBY: Regarding the letter from "Plain Jane in Texas" (Jan. 5), who complained about male co-workers being "too friendly" on her new job -- she didn't say she was being subjected to sexual advances. She merely said that many of the men she works with are always stopping by "to say 'Hi'" and that she's treated like a celebrity. She also said she has "never been the center of attention."

That, in my opinion, is the center of the problem. I think she is very insecure -- after all, she signed herself "Plain Jane" -- and she doesn't know how to handle her new popularity. On most jobs, you have to contend with office cliques, jealousy and generally not being accepted completely for a while. I think "Jane" is very fortunate to have lucked into a work environment with open arms. -- LUCIA IN CHICAGO

DEAR LUCIA: I find it fascinating the way my readers view the letters I print through the "filter" of their own experiences. Many people commented on "Plain Jane's" predicament -- and all of them offered interesting perspectives on interpersonal relations in the workplace. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I went to work in a building with 13 men. All day, every day, men would come by my desk to talk, invite me out for lunch, dinner, trips to hockey games, weekends, etc. These men would bring me gifts, offer to fix my car, etc. Thankfully, I was never interested in any of them.

Six months after I left that job, I found out that seven of them had put $50 each into a pool to see who could take me out first. One guy bet his $50 that I wouldn't go with anyone, and he won the bet! Once I heard about the bet, all the attention made sense. Beware of men bearing gifts! -- JUDI IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: Before complaining to the management about sexual harassment as you suggested, "Plain Jane" might take a careful look at herself. Is she dressing inappropriately for the workplace (low neckline, exposed midriff, short skirts)? Does she smile too much? Is there candy on her desk, encouraging co-workers to stop and chat? "Jane" might ask a trusted older working woman friend or relative to look over her wardrobe or share other hints.

In my 20s, I had a very negative self-image. I was unaware of the effect I made in 1960s mini-skirts. Looking back at old photos, I realize my husband was right -- I was a dish! -- FORMER PLAIN JANE IN INDIANA

DEAR ABBY: As a former worker in human resources, I know "Plain Jane's" situation can be volatile for everyone. However, before making any formal reports, Plain Jane must make her dislike of the attention known to her "suitors"; otherwise they may conclude that she is enjoying it.

She can do this in a polite and factual way, simply by saying, "Please don't come and talk to me while I'm working. It inhibits my ability to get my work done. Thank you." Then, if the attention continues, she should definitely talk to management or human resources staff. -- SHARON IN EAU CLAIRE, WIS.

DEAR ABBY: I worked the graveyard shift at a large law enforcement facility where I was one of only two women among 400 men. I found a way to discourage unwanted attention without complaining. I simply told the first one that tried to get too friendly that I didn't date men I worked with. Reason: No one wants complications in the workplace.

Working with those men was one of the best times of my career. I sincerely hope Plain Janes everywhere in that position will try this tactic. It worked for me. -- BEEN THERE IN NEVADA

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DEAR ABBY: I took my grandsons to see a movie. They were looking forward to our outing all week. As we stood in line to buy tickets, I realized I had only a $20 bill in my wallet.

We had planned to lunch on hot dogs and drinks in the theater, but I knew I wouldn't have enough cash. I told my grandchildren we had a problem -- I was short of money -- but I figured I could write a check.

The 7-year-old said, "No, MeeMaw! The sign says cash only." I replied, "That's OK because it doesn't cost much for kids." He piped up again, "MeeMaw, the sign says $4 for children."

As the line to the cashier grew shorter, we decided that we'd buy only one hot dog and one drink, and we'd share.

Unbeknownst to me, a young lady standing in front of us overheard our conversation. When she reached the cashier, she purchased her tickets, then turned to me and handed me three tickets to see our movie. I was shocked and delighted and so were the boys. I tried to thank her, but she was gone in a flash.

Abby, I will never forget that dear girl's kindness and neither will the boys. It happened more than a year ago, but I still think of it to this day and have tried to pass her generous act forward. I hope she sees this letter so she will know what an impact her spontaneous act of kindness had on us. -- GRATEFUL MEEMAW IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR MEEMAW: So do I. Acts of kindness are like pebbles tossed into a reflecting pool. The ripples radiate outward long after the deed is done.

DEAR ABBY: I know you sometimes enjoy sharing amusing incidents with your readers. Years ago, we lived in a friendly community of row houses with attached garages. I was attending college at the time, and usually returned home around midnight.

My best pal, my cat Peg, would wait for me on top of the garage. When I left the garage, Peg would jump on my shoulders and remain there for several hours after I went inside to study.

One night I was delayed getting home. My next-door neighbor, an alcoholic, came home from a party stewed to the gills around the time I usually got there. There were no lights in the garage, and it was very dark.

Assuming it was me, Peg jumped on his shoulders as he left the garage. My neighbor screamed and yelled. The neighbors came out to see what was going on. The police arrived. Hysteria ensued.

The next day the morning paper had the headline, "Wild Animal Escapes From Zoo." -- MORRIS W. IN ARIZONA

DEAR MORRIS: And I know which one. It was one of their pink elephants.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me. My lover and I have been disagreeing lately and are considering couples counseling. However, he keeps insisting that we see the marriage counselor he and his wife are currently seeing.

I want to make this relationship work, but I think it's inappropriate to receive counseling from the same one that they are currently seeing. What do you think? -- NEEDS THERAPY IN TEXAS

DEAR NEEDS THERAPY: I think you should definitely have some sessions with the therapist who is counseling your lover and his wife. They could prove enlightening. I'm willing to bet the farm that the same issues that have caused him to cheat on her are the ones at the root of your problems with him. And I'm not at all sure that "making this relationship work" would ultimately be in your best interests.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me. My lover and I have been disagreeing lately and are considering couples counseling. However, he keeps insisting that we see the marriage counselor he and his wife are currently seeing.

I want to make this relationship work, but I think it's inappropriate to receive counseling from the same one that they are currently seeing. What do you think? -- NEEDS THERAPY IN TEXAS

DEAR NEEDS THERAPY: I think you should definitely have some sessions with the therapist who is counseling your lover and his wife. They could prove enlightening. I'm willing to bet the farm that the same issues that have caused him to cheat on her are the ones at the root of your problems with him. And I'm not at all sure that "making this relationship work" would ultimately be in your best interests.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Vince in Vallejo" (Jan. 3), the construction worker who is suddenly afraid of heights, reminded me of a similar experience I had at about his age. I, too, suddenly found myself afraid of things that had never bothered me before. I was nervous if my husband drove too fast. I became frightened of heights.

I think that, at a certain age, death suddenly becomes real, either because of the death of someone we know or just awareness of how time is passing. We are not immortal, and for a little while we become self-protective. It passed for me, and I'm sure it will for him, too. -- ALICE IN TROOPER, PA.

DEAR ALICE: You could be right. However, I advised Vince that he should consult his doctor to make sure his problem wasn't of a medical nature. Sometimes a stitch in time ...

DEAR ABBY: You were right on about "Vince" going to see his doctor about his fear of heights. It may not be a lack of courage on his part, but rather his inner ear.

I began having problems with heights several years ago and mentioned it to my doctor in passing. After he ran a few tests, it was discovered that I had inner-ear problems. The slight, subconsciously noticed balance problems I was having were translating into my fear of heights. When I got my balance back, the fear disappeared. -- SARA IN CHICAGO

DEAR ABBY: I was a daredevil in my youth, but it all changed when I became a parent. My fear of heights is also painful, embarrassing and pretty noticeable because I live in the mountains. I guess caring about someone more than myself made me realize how important my own mortality was. -- AFRAID TO LIVE ON THE EDGE IN COLORADO

DEAR ABBY: I am 52 and have been in the building trades all my life. I have been on my share of roofs and high places in my time. My body is also now telling me that it's no longer the place for me to be.

We don't have to show off for the younger dudes -- just share our knowledge with them. At this point in life, our knowledge is a lot more important than our sense of balance. "Vince in Vallejo" should stay on the ground and teach the next generation how to do it right. That's how I learned when I was young. -- "ZAC" OF ALL TRADES IN CINCINNATI

DEAR ABBY: My experience is similar to "Vince's," and I'm about his age. I believe that the loss of flexibility in my knees, which began with the onset of osteoarthritis, has made me less comfortable working at heights -- especially the slope of a roof. Your advice to him was right on. He should not be concerned about any loss of courage. -- BOB IN COOPERSBURG, PA.

DEAR ABBY: I was a construction worker as a young man; now I am a recreational therapist who works extensively with seniors. I have also been a martial artist most of my life and own a small chain of martial arts schools.

My training and personal experience show that as we age, the large nerves in our legs that give us information about our balance, timing and position become less effective. Much of my current teaching is to help seniors reduce their chances of falling.

You can help get the message out that as we age, our balance begins to go, but by building up our leg strength and being mindful of our stepping, we can ameliorate these effects of aging.

Muhammad Ali observed that "the legs go first." At 52, my own legs and balance are not what they once were, and neither are Vince's. No more jumping kicks for me, and Vince needs to stay off the walls. -- SILENT DRAGON IN CONNECTICUT

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)