DEAR ABBY: I am 23. I was married at 19 and divorced at 22. I then jumped into a highly incompatible match that led me astray from home and family. I came to my senses and ran back home.

Since then, I have fended off requests for serious relationships and opted instead for "flings." I have, however, become attached to one "fling" in particular. He is 31 and lives close by. I have known him almost six months.

We have an "arrangement" -- we are "friends with benefits" only. However, I no longer want this. I want to take it to the next level. I have developed deeper feelings for him and have told him so.

He has not voiced the same sentiments. He said he was hurt in the past and doesn't want to be hurt again, so he doesn't get involved. He sends me mixed signals, and I am confused. He doesn't call for weeks, then calls several times a week "just to talk." When I leave him, sometimes he barely notices; other days he'll walk me to my car and send me off with a kiss. He sends cute e-mails and gives me trivial gifts.

I feel like a pseudo-girlfriend. I am there when he has time for a "girlfriend" type. I don't know where I stand with him. Should I wait it out or just let him go? He's a great person and an awesome man. I care for him on many levels. I want our relationship to progress, but I feel him holding back. What should I do? -- TIRED OF THE GAME IN ARIZONA

DEAR TIRED OF THE GAME: You are very young. With a failed marriage behind you, and a rebound relationship that didn't work out, it's time to slow down and realize that lasting relationships take time to build. Your problem is that you expect instant romance on your terms, and you have forgotten that you set the rules of this "game."

My advice is to stop asking for a commitment, and fill the time you're not with him with friends -- and other dates should you meet someone you "click" with. When he calls, don't always be instantly available. Show some independence. Some men find that trait very appealing -- particularly if they're relationship-phobic. After three or four more months, you can then have that chat with him about "where is this going?"

DEAR ABBY: I am a special education teacher who works with people who have mental retardation. Everywhere I go, I hear teenagers and young adults calling each other "retarded." This disturbs me greatly.

Abby, I want people to understand that the word "retarded" is very offensive when used in this context. Many people, young and old, live with mental retardation as a daily struggle. Using this term in a derogatory fashion is just as inappropriate as any racial slur.

Please let your readers know that using the word "retarded" lightly is not appreciated. -- IRRITATED IN MISSOURI

DEAR IRRITATED: I'm printing your letter because apparently a lot of people need to see it. Mental retardation is also no laughing matter to parents, siblings and other relatives of people who have it. To use the expression as a derogatory comment shows that the speaker is both ignorant and insensitive.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm 19 and dropped out of college in December 2005. After years of going through honors classes, I felt like I had nothing left. My brain was on cruise control. I was present but my mind wasn't. I'd go to class and feel like a shell.

My friends and family attribute it to laziness. I felt like I didn't know what I wanted to do and was wasting my father's money being there -- so I left.

My father doesn't believe in "doing nothing." If you're not in school, you get a job. So for the past 14 months I have had a job to fill my day.

I think I want to go back to school in August, but I also feel I'm doing it to please everyone else. Honestly, I no longer know what I want to be in life. I have no idea what I want to major in. I'm just lost. I have never dated, done drugs, drunk, partied or anything else besides go to school. And I was good at it.

I try not to look girlie or pretty because it attracts guys' attention. But now I realize that no matter what you do, they're going to notice you. I feel like my life has to change for the sake of my emotional health. I feel purposeless.

I have dreams of what I want out of life -- a mansion, a nice car, money in the bank -- but I don't necessarily have to go to college to achieve that. I know it sounds like a cliche, but I feel like I don't know who I am. I can't backpack through Europe, nor do I have the money to even travel around the United States. So my question is, how should I go about finding myself? -- NEEDS HELP IN CHICAGO

DEAR NEEDS HELP: Your first step should be to return to college. Your second step should be in the direction of the student health center to talk to someone about being screened for depression and anxiety. Although you were a good student, it appears that you had no social life. A young woman your age should not be hiding to keep from being noticed.

Your third step should be the college's career counseling department. It is important that you learn what it is you enjoy as well as have an aptitude for. After that, I predict a lot of things in your life will fall into place.

DEAR ABBY: I live with a close friend. Recently a person who knows us both sent out invitations to his wedding. I received one; my housemate did not. Further, there is no "and guest" indicated on my invitation.

I feel very uncomfortable about it -- and more than a little miffed. I say that if the inviter knows both adult members of a household but invites only one, then the inviter should at least communicate briefly with the one not invited, rather than make the one who was invited feel awkward. That seems like common courtesy to me. However, I have checked the etiquette resources and the issue isn't addressed even in passing. What do you think? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN NEW YORK

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: I have never heard of a host having to explain to someone why he or she was not included on a guest list. I am sure of one thing, however. There was a reason for the exclusion, whether it was personal or budgetary.

An invitation is an invitation, not a command performance. Because you feel "stuck in the middle" that your housemate was not invited to the wedding, feel free to send your regrets -- and if you are asked why you didn't accept, tell the person what you have told me.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My nephew, "Vincent," is 16 and has had problems with obsessive handwashing for years. I have enough professional experience to strongly suspect that he suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

My brother and his wife refuse to believe their child has a problem and will not take him to get help. My nephew's hands are chafed and raw, and his parents reprimand him for this behavior when he really needs professional help.

His mother is the biggest problem. She nixes all issues that suggest a problem, and my brother will not stand up to her. What can I do? -- WORRIED AUNT IN FLORIDA

DEAR WORRIED AUNT: Your sister-in-law may not want her son "labeled," but ignoring the problem will not resolve it. And reprimanding the young man for something he can't help is cruel.

Your nephew is old enough to discuss the problem with intelligently. Start out by asking him if he thinks he has a problem, and whether he would like to get help for it. After all, at his age he must be self-conscious about his chafed skin.

If he's agreeable, suggest he talk to someone at school about it -- preferably the student health officer or a trusted teacher. If that's not possible, and there is a free clinic in your area, offer to take him there.

DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to a man I love deeply. I met "Eric" when I was 14 and he was 42. When I turned 18, we got together. I have never been happier, except for one thing. He has had other sexual relationships in the past, while I haven't.

Once we became engaged, he offered to let me go out and have a one-night stand. He said he suggested it because he loves me, and he wants me to have a shot at the experience I am missing out on.

Abby, I love Eric and only want to be with him! His suggesting it has made me wonder if he's looking for a way out by getting me to find someone new. Any suggestions on how to handle this? -- INEXPERIENCED AND LOVING IT IN SEATTLE

DEAR INEXPERIENCED AND LOVING IT: You may be young, but you are perceptive. Men who love women usually want an exclusive relationship. Unless you are contemplating an "open" marriage to this man, my advice is to dump him. You and he have very different values.

DEAR ABBY: I don't have a question, but perhaps you'd like to give your readers a smile.

My late Aunt Isabel's wit was legendary in our family. We come from a small town in Connecticut where many roads are so narrow that if a car should stall, the car behind it would be unable to pass.

This is what happened to my aunt one day. While she was trying to restart the engine, the driver in the car behind her began blowing his horn repeatedly. Aunt Isabel set the parking brake, got out of her car and walked over to the driver's window. When he rolled it down, she smiled warmly and said, "I can't seem to get my car started. Would you be kind enough to start it for me? And I'll stay here and blow your horn for you." -- JOE P., MIAMI

DEAR JOE P.: Thank you for the smile, but when I read what your Aunt Isabel did, my smile turned wistful. Gone are the days. Someone who tried that today would risk a physical altercation or worse.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)