DEAR ABBY: I have been out of the dating scene for a while. I was divorced nine years ago. My children are 27, 19, 16 and 17. My oldest two are married; the other two are still at home.

I recently started dating a guy who is studying to become a psychiatrist, and he constantly evaluates everything I say -- including small talk about my children. How can I stop him without upsetting him over his true passion? Not every conversation has an undercurrent. Sometimes I just want to chat, but he will start asking me questions, and I think I tell him too much because he then picks apart everything I say.

I try to be honest in this relationship, but I have shut up about some things because I don't need him evaluating my past relationships, how I reared my kids, etc. At my age, I really don't have that kind of couch time. We can't even have sex without him analyzing my feelings. I have been alone awhile, but isn't this a bit too much for the psyche? -- USUALLY JOYFUL IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR USUALLY JOYFUL: Your boyfriend's entry into the study of human behavior must be very recent, or he would realize how obnoxious it is when he does what he is doing. The next time he starts analyzing you, remind him that he isn't licensed to practice yet -- and tell him that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. If someone doesn't get that message across to him, I predict that you will be only the first of many to run from this aspiring shrink.

DEAR ABBY: I am a student who recently moved into a townhouse with three other housemates. My question concerns etiquette when giving someone a "tour."

My good friend "Amy" came over, but I did not feel comfortable showing her my housemates' rooms, even though they weren't home. But Amy walked right on into their rooms anyway, even opening their closets! When we went into the kitchen, she opened every cupboard and the refrigerator, even removing food items to get a better look.

I was shocked by Amy's behavior and thought it was very inappropriate. Was I overreacting? By giving her the tour, did I invite her to inspect the entire house? In the future, I'd like to avoid this situation with other friends. What should I say? -- INVADED IN THE NORTH

DEAR INVADED: You did not overreact. Your friend Amy is both nosy and nervy. In the future, should something like that happen, say, "Whoa! That's off-limits. My housemate(s) will have to show you their private room(s) when they're home. I can't let you go in there -- it's an invasion of their privacy."

Any or all of these statements should suffice. However, if they don't -- take the person by the arm and "guide" her/him away.

DEAR ABBY: Please explain the difference between gossip, interesting conversation and expressing an opinion. -- AVIS IN HOUSTON

DEAR AVIS: Gossip is saying something unkind or embarrassing behind someone's back. Some people mistake this for "interesting conversation." However, interesting conversation usually involves discussing ideas -- not the behavior (or misbehavior) of other people. Expressing an opinion is what I have just done.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: You advised "Wondering in Concord, N.H." (Dec. 29) that "as long as the flag is treated with respect -- taken down at night, and not allowed to become tattered and faded because of exposure to the elements -- it would be a loving tribute to (her) friend if it were displayed."

Although I could not find it in any flag etiquette site, it is customary that a flag used on a casket never be unfolded. It was folded and presented as an honor to the deceased soldier/Marine and should be unfolded only by God. This is a sentimental tradition, not a rule or law.

My husband has the flag that draped his brother's casket. He would probably kill before he would let someone unfold it. -- DAWN IN HAMPTON, ILL.

DEAR DAWN: If I was incorrect in my reply, thank you for correcting me. However, you are not the only reader who wanted to weigh in on this subject, and the suggestions I have received are varied. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I belong to three veterans organizations. Most veteran posts, American Legion, AMVETS, Disabled American Veterans and Veterans of Foreign Wars will take a memorial flag and either fly it or dispose of it properly. -- ROBERT O., RICE LAKE, WIS.

DEAR ABBY: A better answer to "Wondering" would be to buy a triangular display case and place the very important gift of the American flag from the friend on the mantel or a table in his/her home. What a topic of conversation it would become in memory of a dear friend. -- RESPECTFUL IN OHIO

DEAR ABBY: "Wondering" could, if she so desires, donate the flag to a military cemetery. In Battle Creek, Mich., we have Fort Custer, a veterans cemetery, and I donated the flag given to me at my grandfather's funeral to it. There is an "Avenue of Flags" as you enter the cemetery, and it's a very moving sight to see all these flags flying in the breeze, knowing that people gave their lives for them. -- SANDY E., KALAMAZOO, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: After my father died, my mother donated his flag to a local memorial cemetery. Every Memorial Day the flags are brought out, pressed, and hung on flagpoles lining the driveways and walkways.

Friends, family and the community are invited to a memorial service for all of our fallen men and women. Some come alone; others have family gatherings under the flags.

My father's flag has flown every Memorial Day for the last 23 years. It's a great way to pay tribute and very reassuring to know his flag is being cared for properly. -- VETERAN'S DAUGHTER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: As someone who is currently in the military and deeply rooted in its culture, I have to disagree with your answer to "Wondering in Concord, N.H."

Flags given at a memorial service signify something that goes above and beyond the meaning of an ordinary flag. It is not uncommon, and usually considered a special tribute, for them to be flown for a day over special locations in memory of that individual.

However, it is not appropriate for memorial flags to be used in a daily capacity, and certainly should not be flown over the house of someone who, in all likelihood, didn't know the person. That would be like using someone's tombstone because you needed a big rock for something.

Although the flag itself is just cloth, it symbolizes that the individual made a huge sacrifice of him- or herself that everyone in this country benefits from. If all they need is a flag, I will gladly buy them one in exchange for the honor of caring for the flag of a fallen brother. -- DEVLIN B., SNEADS FERRY, N.C.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing on behalf of my friends at work. We have a co-worker, "Madge," who had a stillborn baby last year. It was tragic. Our problem is, she keeps a photo of the deceased infant with its little eyes sewn shut on her desk in plain view, so that if we must interact with her (we have an open cubicle layout) we have to see it.

Is this appropriate? Ninety percent of the employees here are women. Most are appalled. Others say, "Well, it's all she has."

Madge is expecting again, and we are rooting for her and the baby. However, in addition to all this, she is mean and gossipy. Madge tells everyone what to do and how to do it -- which is not in her job description. I hope that when the baby arrives she will soften and not be so bitter. But, Abby, how on earth do we blow off that photo? -- APPALLED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR APPALLED: While a person's desktop is usually private territory, I agree that the photograph you describe is inappropriate in an office environment. Because Madge feels the need to keep the picture of her stillborn baby close, it should be kept in her purse with other family photos, or in her desk drawer.

How very sad that poor woman must be. The person who should deal with this delicate problem is the boss or the supervisor.

DEAR ABBY: How do I overcome my insecurity issues? I have been insecure all my life. I have always felt fat, ugly, unacceptable and worthless (among other things).

A couple of years ago, I appeared on a popular reality makeover television show. I thought it would solve everything, but inside I am still all messed up. How do I get past all my past hurts and move on to a healthy, less stressful life? -- STILL HURTING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STILL HURTING: When people feel fat, ugly, unacceptable and worthless (among other things), it often goes back to the way they were brought up -- and lack of support from their parents. You can heal what is hurting you, but you must recognize that, unlike plastic surgery, there are no "quick fixes" for what ails you.

You will find the answers you are seeking by consulting a licensed, experienced psychotherapist. I hope you will ask your physician for a referral as soon as you finish this letter. You have a right to be happy, so please don't put it off.

DEAR ABBY: I feel like I have struck gold. Please tell your female readers, if they are over 40 and looking for a man, to head to their local diner for breakfast. Last week I found myself to be one of only two women (and she was with her husband) out of 15 people eating breakfast. Apparently, men meet weekly for breakfast.

I'm sure if women made a habit of going to the restaurant, the waitresses would get to know them and would be thrilled to introduce them to some of the single men who come in. Women love to play Cupid.

Also, be sure to sit at the counter. It's easier to approach someone sitting at the counter than someone sitting in a booth. -- EATING SINGLE BUT NOT ALONE IN OHIO

DEAR EATING SINGLE: I am frequently asked by members of both sexes where to meet someone eligible. You have offered a good suggestion, and although romance is not usually on the menu in such establishments, with Valentine's Day approaching, I am pleased to pass this along.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)