DEAR ABBY: I am writing on behalf of my friends at work. We have a co-worker, "Madge," who had a stillborn baby last year. It was tragic. Our problem is, she keeps a photo of the deceased infant with its little eyes sewn shut on her desk in plain view, so that if we must interact with her (we have an open cubicle layout) we have to see it.

Is this appropriate? Ninety percent of the employees here are women. Most are appalled. Others say, "Well, it's all she has."

Madge is expecting again, and we are rooting for her and the baby. However, in addition to all this, she is mean and gossipy. Madge tells everyone what to do and how to do it -- which is not in her job description. I hope that when the baby arrives she will soften and not be so bitter. But, Abby, how on earth do we blow off that photo? -- APPALLED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR APPALLED: While a person's desktop is usually private territory, I agree that the photograph you describe is inappropriate in an office environment. Because Madge feels the need to keep the picture of her stillborn baby close, it should be kept in her purse with other family photos, or in her desk drawer.

How very sad that poor woman must be. The person who should deal with this delicate problem is the boss or the supervisor.

DEAR ABBY: How do I overcome my insecurity issues? I have been insecure all my life. I have always felt fat, ugly, unacceptable and worthless (among other things).

A couple of years ago, I appeared on a popular reality makeover television show. I thought it would solve everything, but inside I am still all messed up. How do I get past all my past hurts and move on to a healthy, less stressful life? -- STILL HURTING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STILL HURTING: When people feel fat, ugly, unacceptable and worthless (among other things), it often goes back to the way they were brought up -- and lack of support from their parents. You can heal what is hurting you, but you must recognize that, unlike plastic surgery, there are no "quick fixes" for what ails you.

You will find the answers you are seeking by consulting a licensed, experienced psychotherapist. I hope you will ask your physician for a referral as soon as you finish this letter. You have a right to be happy, so please don't put it off.

DEAR ABBY: I feel like I have struck gold. Please tell your female readers, if they are over 40 and looking for a man, to head to their local diner for breakfast. Last week I found myself to be one of only two women (and she was with her husband) out of 15 people eating breakfast. Apparently, men meet weekly for breakfast.

I'm sure if women made a habit of going to the restaurant, the waitresses would get to know them and would be thrilled to introduce them to some of the single men who come in. Women love to play Cupid.

Also, be sure to sit at the counter. It's easier to approach someone sitting at the counter than someone sitting in a booth. -- EATING SINGLE BUT NOT ALONE IN OHIO

DEAR EATING SINGLE: I am frequently asked by members of both sexes where to meet someone eligible. You have offered a good suggestion, and although romance is not usually on the menu in such establishments, with Valentine's Day approaching, I am pleased to pass this along.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My 19-year-old daughter is in her sophomore year of college and doing well. The problem is, I believe that she is a "binge" drinker and going downhill. I am trying to make her go to counseling and AA, but I'm not sure she will. She is currently attending a local junior college, but will finish in May.

She wants me to send her to a university about two hours away from home. I just do not think I should, because even though she's under my supervision right now, she still gets into trouble with drinking. I can't imagine what she would do without any adult supervision.

She says she needs to get away from the "bad influence" of her friends here. I believe that if she goes, she will find new "bad influence" friends and still not have the common sense to not drink so much.

I am not being an overprotective mother. I just spent the night in the emergency room with her because she had alcohol poisoning. -- WORRIED ABOUT MY DAUGHTER IN TEXAS

DEAR WORRIED: It appears you are worried about your daughter for good reason. However, it's time to face up to the fact that a parent can protect her child for only so long. If a near-death experience from alcohol poisoning hasn't taught her that she should not have more than two drinks in an evening, there is little more you can do.

I do have a suggestion, however. Make a deal with her. If she gets a job and goes to AA for one year, you will then allow her to go away to finish her education. By then, she will understand what a serious problem drinking can be -- and have some tools to avoid it. I can't guarantee that it will keep her sober, but it would be a start.

DEAR ABBY: I am currently married to a man I was married to for 10 years. We were divorced for about seven months and decided we wanted to remarry. We have been remarried for a year, and there are a lot of trust issues -- not on my part, but on his. He says I cheated on our last marriage, which I did not, but changing his mind was impossible and that's the reason he's insecure. However, our latest issue is just too crazy.

I recently started writing to a step-cousin who is incarcerated. The cousin made the comment in one of his letters that he didn't know if it was because we were writing each other so often or what, but he found himself dreaming of smelling my perfume and rubbing against my skin. My husband is now asking for a divorce. Am I being irrational in saying this man is incarcerated, and it would be foolish to want someone who will not be "free" for the next 12 to 15 years? -- INNOCENT IN BELLEVUE, NEB.

DEAR INNOCENT: You appear to be both kindhearted and naive. When your step-cousin said what he did in his letter, he was telling you that he was having fantasies of a sexual nature that involve you. He was also trying to initiate a similar kind of response from you. Regardless of the fact that your "pen" pal is behind bars, your husband finds this upsetting -- and frankly, I can see his point. My advice is to work on salvaging your marriage and forgo the correspondence.

DEAR ABBY: Is it improper to wash kitchen cloths with the rest of your personal items and towels? -- INQUISITIVE MOTHER IN GEORGIA

DEAR INQUISITIVE MOTHER: As far as I'm concerned, a wash is a wash is a wash. That is, unless the items are white or "linty," in which they should be washed separately.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My son recently got in touch with me after almost four years of absolutely no contact. We had a falling-out years back, and neither of us could seem to put things behind us at the time and move on.

His mother (my wife) died 3 1/2 years ago, and he barely made it back for the funeral.

He called after all this time to ask me for money. It seems he has fallen on hard times and needs my support. I am not sure I am in a position financially to help him, as I am nearing retirement and concerned about my own expenses. I also feel a little resentful that after all this time, the only reason he called was for money.

I'm afraid if I don't help him, I will lose him forever. But should I give him money as a way to keep him in my life? I am torn about the situation. I want to be a good father and help my son, but what does that mean? -- UNSURE IN NEW YORK

DEAR UNSURE: If your son is without a job, help him find one if you can. But do not jeopardize your retirement. Much as one might wish it, money can't buy love. Until you and your son iron out what went wrong in your relationship, such an investment would not bring you the return you are looking for.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for three years and had our first child 10 months ago. The problem is, his parents want to come and visit us at least once a month. They live six hours away.

It wouldn't be so bad, except our house is very small and has only one bathroom. It's very uncomfortable to share a bathroom with your in-laws. My husband doesn't see my point of view. He believes I am just being hateful and do not like his parents! I don't know what to do. I just can't take these monthly visits much longer. Please help me. -- TRAPPED IN ATLANTA

DEAR TRAPPED: If you do not stand up for yourself now, this could continue until your child is in college. It's time for a frank chat with your mother-in-law. Tell her that while you love her and welcome her and "Dad's" involvement with the grandbaby, you would all be more comfortable if they stayed in a nearby hotel/motel.

P.S. Of course, the same rule should apply to your parents when they come to visit.

DEAR ABBY: How do you make yourself like somebody if you don't like them, but want to like them?

Here's the situation. I am 15 and have a stepsister the same age. We have been stepsisters for two years. We have never gotten along and have never liked each other. Usually, when you won't like somebody you can just avoid the person, but we have to be together and share a room every other weekend when I go to my dad's for visitation, and it would be a lot nicer if we liked each other.

It's not that either of us is a bad person -- it's more of a personality conflict. How can I get myself to like her and get her to like me? -- KANSAS CITY STEPSISTER

DEAR STEPSISTER: You are asking about the art of diplomacy and negotiation. Here's how it works. First, you find something the two of you can agree on. (Example: I love my father. You love your mother. We both want them to be happy, don't we?) And work from there. Anything you can agree on, you take off the table. What you can't agree on, try to compromise. This takes practice, but it is a valuable tool once you master it and will serve you well all your life.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)