DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Ted," and I recently met an attractive girl I'll call "Bridget." Ted was married and suggested I date Bridget. Within a few days, before I got up the nerve to ask her on a date, Ted broke up with his wife, moved in with me and started seeing Bridget.

This was awkward, but in addition, Bridget started making sexual advances toward me. Unfortunately, I didn't have the wisdom to keep away from her. Although we didn't have sex, I was closer to her than I should have been to my best friend's girl. Ted knows about it, and now ensures that Bridget and I are never alone together. He constantly worries about the situation, and it is interfering with his job.

I believe he wants to break up with her, but he's afraid I will date her. I agreed with his suggestion that we both stop talking to her, but they are still dating. She continues to flirt with me every time he leaves the room, and I am defenseless against a pretty woman. Bridget says she likes me, but she loves Ted. She clearly has some attachment issues. I would love to talk to her about them and help her.

I think Ted and I both have strong feelings for her. What should we do? Neither of us can resist when she cries or wants something. -- STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR STUCK: You are not helpless. Find your backbone, start using your head, and thank your lucky stars that Bridget "loves" Ted. If you were in his shoes, YOU would be the one constantly worried about who she was coming on to the minute your back was turned.

Bridget appears to use sex as a way of getting attention and validation. It's a problem that's beyond your expertise to fix -- and also mine. She may need professional counseling, or a self-help group for sexually compulsive people, once she finally admits she has a problem.

The best way I know to avoid temptation is to avoid tempting situations. In your case, that means spending as little time in Bridget's presence as possible.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law, "Shirley," is a dear, sweet, caring and generous person. Therein lies the problem.

Each time she comes to visit, she brings things for the apartment. "Jasper" (her son) and I live in a small renovated loft. We both prefer a minimalist look, with just a few decorative items: a museum poster or something that an artist friend created.

Shirley loves craftsy, cutesy, cottage and country-style things. (To me, her home is cluttered with all of her "collections.") The things she brings us look completely out of place in our apartment.

I'm sure other people encounter this problem, too. What do we do with all the stuff she brings? And how do we convince her that, while she's entitled to her own preferences, they are not ours? -- HATES DUST-CATCHERS IN N. C.

DEAR HATES: Your problem is common. The time to nip it in the bud is now, before the situation becomes any more awkward than it already is. You and Jasper need to have a frank, kind, face-to-face chat with Shirley and let her know that you love her and appreciate her thoughtfulness -- but while some people regard empty space as a vacuum to be filled, others find it restful and serene. You and Jasper fall into the latter category. (Surely, she'll understand.) As for what to do with gifts already received, offer to give them back to her.

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DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old woman who has always had a hard time letting people down or saying no. A few months ago, I met a man online who lived across the country, and within a week he was telling me he loved me. I'll admit now that I have some emotional and relationship problems because of my past, and I enjoyed hearing it. In fact, I embraced it and told him I loved him in return. Now that I look at it, I realize I was only in love with the idea of being in love.

We had several problems in the first few days, but we worked them out. Two weeks after he first told me he loved me, he proposed. We had never even met. Being the person I am, I said yes. He told me he was going to buy plane tickets for me, as soon as he could find a place to live. (He was living with his parents.)

I called him later that night to tell him I was deeply sorry, but I could not accept his proposal nor move to be with him. He became irate and told me he had already bought the tickets, and unless I was on that plane he would sue me for the money he'd spent. I feel horrible about it, but he has shown me no proof that he bought them.

Now he's threatening to send some indecent pictures that he somehow managed to get from a past lover of mine to all my family and friends. I'm grateful to have gotten out of this relationship before I made a serious mistake and actually got on that plane. Can he sue me, and how should I deal with his threats about the pictures? -- NOT IN LOVE IN THE USA

DEAR NOT IN LOVE: Your online suitor appears to be both vindictive and an extortionist. Neither is a desirable quality in a mate. Ignore his threats about posting the pictures. You are lucky that your common sense kicked in before things went any further. Can he sue you? If he bought the tickets, he might be able to take you to small claims court.

However, the larger lesson here has to do with the revealing photographs of you that wound up on the Internet in the first place. Let this be a warning to others: The danger in posing for x-rated pictures is that in the cold light of day, they can be a huge embarrassment.

DEAR ABBY: I am 24 years old and have been married five years. My husband, "Richie," and I have known each other for about 15 years. I loved him as a friend, but the older we got, the more his mother pushed us together.

When we married I thought it was a joke. We got in the car to go somewhere, and when I asked where we were going they said to get married. Well, it was not a joke. Neither my mother nor my father was there.

Richie and I fight all the time, and I have reached the point that I don't even want to talk to him. I can't stand him. I have told him I want a divorce, and he tells me he will kill himself. I would hate myself if he did that. We have a 5-month-old baby. I don't want to hurt Richie, but I can't stand to be with him. What should I do? -- SICK AND TIRED IN INDIANA

DEAR SICK AND TIRED: Go home to your parents. It's time you and Richie took a break from each other. While you are there, discuss this with a lawyer. If you married Richie because of coercion or trickery, it's possible your marriage could be annulled. I wish you had written me sooner, because then there might not have been a child involved.

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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our early 30s and we spend a lot of time with three other couples. A few months ago, we went on a picnic at a local park to play ball and have lunch. One man (I'll call him Bill) thought it was funny to pour what was left of a soft drink on one of the wives' head. She and her husband had to leave. It was obvious she couldn't stay with sticky hair and clothing. Bill called them "party-poopers."

Three weeks ago, Bill yanked the cloth off a table that had been set with another of the wives' good dishes. Broken china lay everywhere. That wife was also a "party-pooper" because she didn't think it was funny.

Last weekend there was a pool party. I didn't want to go because I'm not comfortable with the water. My husband promised he'd stay right with me, which he did. However, Bill swam under the water, grabbed both my ankles and yanked me under. I was terrified. I told Bill I never wanted to see him again, and I meant it.

Now his wife, "Nicki," is upset because she found out I had a dinner at my home and didn't invite them. I told her she could come, but I would no longer let her husband near me. I think he needs professional help.

Nicki and I work in the same building, and I see her almost every day. We eat in the building cafeteria, and she's spreading the word that I have caused trouble with their group of friends. She's saying I made a play for her husband and he rejected me, and I'm angry about it. I have not said anything to defend myself. I don't feel the need. But my husband says I should tell the real reason. What do you think? -- THE VICTIM, NOT THE PERP

DEAR VICTIM: I agree with your husband. You have an obligation to protect your reputation, and you should by all means tell the truth -- the whole truth. Bill appears to be a real handful; whatever his problem is, I'll bet this isn't the first time this has happened to that couple. You are wise to avoid them. They both appear to be troubled.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my mid-50s and in a relationship with "Josh," who is 40. We have been seeing each other for three years. We care about each other, but we're both insecure.

Josh looks through my cell phone every chance he gets, even if it's in my purse. This bothers me because I have male friends, but he erased their phone numbers and forbade them to call me. Occasionally, I ask to see his cell phone. Sometimes he'll agree, other times he refuses.

A text message I sent to a friend caused Josh to question my loyalty. In retaliation, I went through some things at his house and questioned his. I have begged him to stop going through my cell phone, but it falls on deaf ears. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. What should I do? -- TREADING LIGHTLY IN DETROIT

DEAR TREADING LIGHTLY: See if Josh cares enough about you to go with you for relationship counseling. You and he appear to feed off each other's insecurity, and that's not healthy for either of you. Don't you realize that you cannot -- nor can he -- compel fidelity? The decision to forgo romantic involvements with others must come from within.

Rummaging through personal papers and cell phone histories accomplishes nothing and only heightens both your anxieties. You could live in a convent and Josh would still suspect you of cheating, because on some level he doesn't feel he's man enough to satisfy you. And it appears you have the same sickness.

On the one hand, you could dump him and end the frustration. On the other hand, because you and Josh have starred in this soap opera for so long, it's possible you are meant for each other.

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