DEAR ABBY: My roommate, "Jeff," and I got into a huge fight last week and he kicked me out. My mother took me in and said if I ever moved back in with him, she'd "disown" me.

While I was living with my mother, I had trouble finding employment. While I was with Jeff, I received offers of employment from no less than three companies.

I have spoken with Jeff since the incident. He apologized and wishes I'd move back in. He realizes he acted like an idiot. I would like to move back with him so that I can have a job, but I don't want to make my mother angry. Also, I don't think that living with her is healthy for me right now. Please advise ASAP. -- "PAMELA" IN CLEVELAND

DEAR "PAMELA": While it may not be "healthy" to live with your mother right now, moving back in with a roommate who kicks you out when he loses his temper does not seem like a wise move either.

You did not make clear why you can't take the job(s) you were offered and live with her. If the problem is geographic, perhaps you should explore what other arrangements you can manage, because you have no guarantee that Jeff would not evict you repeatedly. The goal to aim for is to be independent, able to stand on your own two feet, and beholden to no one.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my wife, "Vicki," six months ago. She was the love of my life, and it was unexpected. I am raising our two children, ages 5 and 8, by myself. I now understand why so many women say they have a hard time finding someone special.

What does a widower have to do to find someone special when he has kids? -- MR. LONELY IN DETROIT

DEAR MR. LONELY: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your wife. I'm sure she won't be easily replaced. The first thing to do is start from square one and remember that dating is a hit-and-miss proposition, and few people hit the jackpot the first time.

You will find a special someone in places where nice people congregate. In your case, it might be during kids' activities at school and church, or the PTA. There is also an organization called Parents Without Partners that has been around for a long time. The membership is largely female. Contact it by logging onto � HYPERLINK "http://www.parentswithoutpartners.org" ��www.parentswithoutpartners.org�, or by calling the toll-free phone number, (800) 637-7974, for the location of a chapter near you.

DEAR ABBY: I see my hairdresser every four weeks to have my hair colored. I used to be a chestnut brunette, but time has taken its toll. My problem is, she doesn't always take the dark color off my face around the hairline. I always thought it was done when the color was shampooed out, but today I had to go back to work after my appointment and one of my co-workers pointed it out.

I don't want to change hairdressers because she gives me a great cut and style. Isn't taking the hair color off the skin a normal part of this procedure? -- RING AROUND THE FACE

DEAR RING: It certainly is. I don't know whether your hairdresser was rushed, ran out of tint-remover or was having a bad day, but part of the service is to make sure the customer leaves without any telltale traces of "work" having been done. You should definitely speak to her about it, because her work was substandard.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a 15-year-old nephew I have suspected is gay for a long time. I recently saw his profile on myspace.com because I search there often, checking on my daughter. I found that he is on there and has listed his sexual orientation as "Bi."

I am sure that his mother, my sister, is not aware of this. I think I would like to know if he were my son, but I am unsure how to handle this. I don't think his parents will take this too well. Is it my responsibility to tell her? -- DISTRESSED AUNT IN MIAMI

DEAR DISTRESSED AUNT: If your nephew were engaging in self-destructive behavior, I would say tell his parents. However, identifying one's sexual orientation doesn't fall into that category. Unless you are the self-appointed town crier of Miami, it is not your responsibility to "out" your nephew -- especially since you don't think his parents will take it well.

Your sister and her husband may already suspect, but your nephew should be given the courtesy of announcing his sexual orientation when he is ready. My advice is to keep your mouth shut. When people are told something they don't want to hear, they often resent the messenger.

DEAR ABBY: I am very depressed. My 25-year-old daughter is soon to have her first child. Her fiance is a 21-year-old college student.

My daughter asked if she and her fiance could live with me and my son while she saved money to buy a house. I agreed, knowing there would be a grandchild arriving in three months. Now I am feeling trapped and sad at the same time.

I get along with my children, but they are very strong-willed. My son has started bringing women to the house and entertaining them in his bedroom with the door locked. His bedroom is on the same floor as all of our bedrooms.

My daughter doesn't pick up after herself and refuses to get rid of her two cats, who keep vomiting their food and hair balls. I'm having trouble tolerating this, and feel so low I go to bed quite early in the evening.

I feel guilty and helpless. We get along well, but these irritants are getting me down. I hope to be living with everyone for only two years. I really need my own space because I am turning 50 this year and need to spread my wings. -- FEELING GUILTY IN TORONTO

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: A wise psychoanalyst years ago told me in conversation that depression is often anger turned inward. You are overdue for a frank talk with your "children" about the rules of your household. Keep in mind that you are all adults.

Everything has a price. If your daughter and her fiance want to continue living with you, she can certainly pick up after herself, and you should insist upon it. If she doesn't like it, she can make other living arrangements for herself and her fiance. Because her cats make a mess, they should be confined and she should be responsible for cleaning up after them.

As for your son, you are not running a boarding house. If his entertaining "ladies" in his locked room offends you, tell him he will have to do his entertaining elsewhere. Under no circumstances should you have to hide under your covers because of what's happening under your roof. You are not powerless. Stand up for yourself. Assert some authority, and I predict you will feel better immediately.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a friendly, happy, well-rounded student. I am president of my class in medical school, currently a 4.0 student and top-ranked in my class. I have a wonderful life. I am artistic, intelligent, attractive, very successful in work and at school. I have a lovely apartment, a new car, fulfilling hobbies, great friendships, and a fiance who is kind, loving and supportive.

I seem to have it all. In fact, I do -- and I feel guilty about it. I had an unhappy childhood coupled with a low-income household growing up, and now I feel as if this happy life is too good for me. I know I earned most of what I have -- I worked two jobs as an undergraduate and have been a dedicated student my entire life. Yet I still feel undeserving. How can I be happy about my happiness? -- DOESN'T DESERVE IT IN LOUISIANA

DEAR DOESN'T DESERVE IT: To use the vernacular, it may take some couch time and the help of a psychotherapist. If I had to take a guess, I'd say your feelings of unworthiness relate to your unhappy childhood -- or, possibly that you were able to overcome your background while others in your family were not. Please start ASAP because, for someone who has accomplished as much as you have, you deserve to enjoy the psychic rewards of what you have achieved.

DEAR ABBY: I am crazy about a girl at work. I'll call her "Marsha." Marsha is very nice, but she never wants to socialize after work. She doesn't go out with the other men or women either. She always has a weak excuse -- she has a cold, her dog is sick, etc.

For two years Marsha has promised that we would go bowling; however, it has never happened. I would be happy to go out with her as a friend, in a group -- on any condition. How can I get her to take the next step in socializing? -- "JACK" IN RENO

DEAR "JACK": Has it occurred to you that Marsha might already be involved with someone? It could also be that she prefers to keep her personal life and her business life separate. Whatever her reasons may be, after two years of polite refusals and postponements, it's time to take the hint and transfer your affections elsewhere. It appears that she's not interested in you in "that way."

DEAR ABBY: For five years I have exchanged letters with a wonderful pen pal. We are both females in our early 60s and have a lot in common. We trade recipes, bookmarks, etc. Reading her letters has been a delightful experience.

Recently she got her letters mixed up, and I got one that was meant for a close friend of hers. When I read it, I realized her life is not at all how she has described it to me! Do pen pals lie because their chances of being found out are slim?

I now realize our relationship is based on lies. Why would she deceive me? -- DECEIVED AND ANGRY IN QUEBEC

DEAR DECEIVED AND ANGRY: I have heard of this happening in online relationships, less frequently in pen pal correspondence. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say that in writing to you this woman has been able to enjoy an idealized fantasy life that is probably far happier than her reality. The person who can best answer your question, of course, is your pen pal. (If the recipes were good -- look on the bright side!)

P.S. If you're curious, return her letter with a short note explaining that she must have gotten her envelopes mixed up and see what her next move is.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)