DEAR ABBY: In response to "Desperately Needing Advice in Manhattan" (Nov. 29), whose business associate advised her it is necessary to drink in order to make business deals, I think you missed the mark in your reply.

Much as we say it ain't so, it's still a man's world, and if she wants to close deals, she needs to "play the game." Her colleague is right. Most business deals are closed in the bar or on the golf course, so learn the game to stay in it. Instead of fruit juice, she should head to the bar and get carbonated water. It looks like a vodka tonic, and it will appear she's having a drink along with everyone else.

As more women enter the work force, these rules will change. But it takes time, and we must make changes "from within." -- GAME ON! LIVERMORE, CALIF.

DEAR GAME ON!: Your suggestion is what "Desperately Needing Advice" is already trying to do. But her colleague is telling her she must drink alcohol to fit in, and pointing out her teetotaling during business dinners.

I would never advise anyone, male or female, to drink alcohol if the person was uncomfortable doing so. Nor should it be necessary to be stealthy about staying sober. Too many slips of the tongue can occur if a person has inadvertently had one sip too many of that which is fermented. I'm reminded of the time I was having dinner with my brother, whom I proceeded to address by my first husband's name 12 years after our divorce. (Need I say more?) Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I loved your reply to the businesswoman who asked if she had to drink in order to make business deals. You advised that her so-called "best friend" was probably trying to feel better about his own drinking by pushing her to do it.

I am in my mid-40s, confident and attractive. Like her, I rarely drink. I'd like her to know, firsthand, that in all my years in business, both as an employee and now that I am self-employed and very successful, my not drinking has never been a problem nor has it adversely affected my relationship with my clients. -- COLD SOBER AND HAPPY IN HAWAII

DEAR ABBY: I have two rules for my business life. First, keep your personal life separate from your business life, and second, never, ever drink with business associates. My father gave me this advice after college, and it has served me well.

I have witnessed, on several occasions, my peers and managers drink at business functions. They lose inhibitions and make horrible decisions that follow them throughout their careers.

Only once was I ever affected by this decision. I was passed over for a raise and promotion because I wouldn't go out and drink with "the boys." My solution? I found a better job with a different company.

I have been very successful with this company, holding various management positions. When I'm out at lunch or dinner, I usually order water with lemon. That I have chosen not to drink has never been an issue. If anything, it has given me an advantage. "Desperately" should be wary of her so-called "friend." His advice could lead to trouble in her career. -- SUCCESSFUL NON-DRINKER IN HOUSTON

DEAR ABBY: I agree with your advice. Most people who are uncomfortable about being around non-drinkers are usually uncomfortable about themselves and their own drinking. Tell that gal that if her "friend" points out that she's not drinking, she should tell him to knock it off and shut up! Then smile and take a sip of her fruit juice. It will embarrass him as much as he's attempting to embarrass her. -- SUSAN IN DECATUR, ILL.

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DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Pan," and I have been together nearly two years. We fell in love quickly and knew we wanted to marry one day. We are loving, respectful and kind to each other. Our only source of conflict involves his family.

Pan and his family are Greek; I am American. From the beginning, Pan's father refused to speak to me or acknowledge me because I am not Greek. I am expected to hide from his father and uncles, whether it be in a bedroom, the car outside their house, or in the office at the family business. The rest of the family, his mother, sister and cousins, try to find fault with my character. They say I'm too quiet, too American, too young and not pretty enough.

In the beginning, Pan assured me that "in time" his family would come around. Well, I'm running out of patience. Abby, Pan is 35. I'm 23 -– mature, kind, attractive and hardworking. I have a full-time job and at night I attend classes to earn my master's in clinical psychology.

Three months ago, I bought a home and Pan moved in with me, but this issue with his family is tearing us apart. I no longer want to stay hidden and celebrate holidays alone. I want Pan to stick up for me when his family says bad things. I feel it's time for him to choose sides and stop remaining "neutral" to please a family that's acting ridiculous. Is this the end of the road for us? -- HURTING IN NEW YORK

DEAR HURTING: Frankly, I hope so. Men who are "loving, respectful and kind" do not tolerate their women being treated the way you have been. Face it, this "golden Greek" is 35 and never married. You will never be good enough in his family's eyes for reasons they have made only too clear. My advice is to evict him and run in the opposite direction. If he asks you why, tell him it just didn't "pan" out.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I retired several years ago and moved back to Scandinavia, where we spend most of the year. We live on a fixed income.

A number of people have contacted us either asking to visit or have a family friend visit us to show them around the country. Abby, the cost of gasoline reached the equivalent of $7.50 a gallon last summer, plus the cost of road tolls and ferries makes it quite expensive.

How do we let people know that we can't afford to just drive them around, plus offer them food and lodgings in our home? -- JUST CALL ME JOHN

DEAR JOHN: As much as people complain about the fluctuations in gas prices in the United States, I'm sure they have little concept of what the prices are like in Europe, which are higher. The most effective way to get the message across is to tell them plainly what the problem is. If your prospective guests are truly friends, they will understand. And if not, they're not friends.

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old brother was arrested for stealing a bottle of alcohol from a grocery store. I am heartbroken. He really isn't a bad kid. He has been raised in a loving household where he has wanted for nothing. I don't understand. This isn't the first incident of trouble he's been involved in, but it's the most serious. His only defense for his actions was that he didn't think he'd "get caught."

He knows I love him and that no one expects him to be perfect. We just want him to be smart and consider the consequences of his actions. How can I help him? I live 30 miles away. -- HEARTBROKEN IN CHICAGO

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Let your brother know you love him, but recognize that the surest way for him to learn responsible behavior is to suffer the consequences of his actions.

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DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Disappointed in Newport, Pa." (11/25/06), about people who don't do what they say they'll do, caught my eye. I can truly appreciate the frustration with the prospective employers who tell you they will get back to you within a week and then you hear nothing.

However, in today's job market it is extremely important to take a proactive approach in your job search. After experiencing similar situations as mentioned by the writer, I decided I needed to "do my part" in the interview process. After an interview I would send a letter thanking the interviewer for speaking with me, etc. By doing this, I reminded the person of my name and qualifications.

Also, please note that if you don't hear from the prospective employers within the specified time frame, it's OK to contact them and let them know you are still interested and available for any follow-up interviews or testing.

In other words, no one ever got ahead sitting on his or her behind. If you want the job, show them you have the initiative. -- SHELLY IN LEESBURG, GA.

DEAR SHELLY: When I printed the letter from "Disappointed," who felt her son and daughter had been unfairly treated by their prospective employers, it struck a nerve with readers on both sides of the desk. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The workplace has changed everywhere, and not for the better. Years ago, I was "let go" from a major company, but they gave me plenty of time to find a new job. My next job was with a company in Cleveland that had a reputation for sudden firings. Now every company fires people ruthlessly in the same way that the Cleveland company did.

There is not respect for employees anymore -– only fear that they might take revenge and damage company property. Companies now want fired employees out the door as soon as possible. -- RICHARD IN CLEVELAND HEIGHTS, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: The professional courtesy train has left the station, and it's not coming back. I remember mailing out printed resumes and receiving a mailed response –- if only to say, "We will keep your resume on file."

Now, with the advent of job bulletin boards, e-mail and phone interviews, I'd interpret, "You'll hear from us in seven days" to mean, "If we really want to hire you, you'll hear from us in seven days. If you don't hear back, connect the dots!"

What is perceived as lack of courtesy is really corporations embracing "efficiency" and "expediency." -- DEAN IN TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: As an employer, I would like to say that not all employers have trouble "giving bad news." It is part of our responsibility.

However, it works both ways. Why don't employees give this same consideration to their employers? If they are unhappy in their job, why can't they let their employer know?

I have had employees of more than 25 years just up and give two weeks' notice. Of course, they put in for vacation time during that period and really give only four days' notice. And this is after we have paid for their college education, professional training, bonuses, benefits and pay raises every year.

As far as I'm concerned, courtesy should be a two-way street. -- DEBI IN HOUSTON

DEAR ABBY: I, too, have been "wined and dined" during the interview process -– and then nothing. Some labor lawyer friends informed me that lack of response is often the norm. No response means nobody can sue them for various kinds of discrimination. It's a sad development in our litigious society. -- JOHN IN ALAMEDA, CALIF.

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