DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Pan," and I have been together nearly two years. We fell in love quickly and knew we wanted to marry one day. We are loving, respectful and kind to each other. Our only source of conflict involves his family.

Pan and his family are Greek; I am American. From the beginning, Pan's father refused to speak to me or acknowledge me because I am not Greek. I am expected to hide from his father and uncles, whether it be in a bedroom, the car outside their house, or in the office at the family business. The rest of the family, his mother, sister and cousins, try to find fault with my character. They say I'm too quiet, too American, too young and not pretty enough.

In the beginning, Pan assured me that "in time" his family would come around. Well, I'm running out of patience. Abby, Pan is 35. I'm 23 -– mature, kind, attractive and hardworking. I have a full-time job and at night I attend classes to earn my master's in clinical psychology.

Three months ago, I bought a home and Pan moved in with me, but this issue with his family is tearing us apart. I no longer want to stay hidden and celebrate holidays alone. I want Pan to stick up for me when his family says bad things. I feel it's time for him to choose sides and stop remaining "neutral" to please a family that's acting ridiculous. Is this the end of the road for us? -- HURTING IN NEW YORK

DEAR HURTING: Frankly, I hope so. Men who are "loving, respectful and kind" do not tolerate their women being treated the way you have been. Face it, this "golden Greek" is 35 and never married. You will never be good enough in his family's eyes for reasons they have made only too clear. My advice is to evict him and run in the opposite direction. If he asks you why, tell him it just didn't "pan" out.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I retired several years ago and moved back to Scandinavia, where we spend most of the year. We live on a fixed income.

A number of people have contacted us either asking to visit or have a family friend visit us to show them around the country. Abby, the cost of gasoline reached the equivalent of $7.50 a gallon last summer, plus the cost of road tolls and ferries makes it quite expensive.

How do we let people know that we can't afford to just drive them around, plus offer them food and lodgings in our home? -- JUST CALL ME JOHN

DEAR JOHN: As much as people complain about the fluctuations in gas prices in the United States, I'm sure they have little concept of what the prices are like in Europe, which are higher. The most effective way to get the message across is to tell them plainly what the problem is. If your prospective guests are truly friends, they will understand. And if not, they're not friends.

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old brother was arrested for stealing a bottle of alcohol from a grocery store. I am heartbroken. He really isn't a bad kid. He has been raised in a loving household where he has wanted for nothing. I don't understand. This isn't the first incident of trouble he's been involved in, but it's the most serious. His only defense for his actions was that he didn't think he'd "get caught."

He knows I love him and that no one expects him to be perfect. We just want him to be smart and consider the consequences of his actions. How can I help him? I live 30 miles away. -- HEARTBROKEN IN CHICAGO

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Let your brother know you love him, but recognize that the surest way for him to learn responsible behavior is to suffer the consequences of his actions.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Disappointed in Newport, Pa." (11/25/06), about people who don't do what they say they'll do, caught my eye. I can truly appreciate the frustration with the prospective employers who tell you they will get back to you within a week and then you hear nothing.

However, in today's job market it is extremely important to take a proactive approach in your job search. After experiencing similar situations as mentioned by the writer, I decided I needed to "do my part" in the interview process. After an interview I would send a letter thanking the interviewer for speaking with me, etc. By doing this, I reminded the person of my name and qualifications.

Also, please note that if you don't hear from the prospective employers within the specified time frame, it's OK to contact them and let them know you are still interested and available for any follow-up interviews or testing.

In other words, no one ever got ahead sitting on his or her behind. If you want the job, show them you have the initiative. -- SHELLY IN LEESBURG, GA.

DEAR SHELLY: When I printed the letter from "Disappointed," who felt her son and daughter had been unfairly treated by their prospective employers, it struck a nerve with readers on both sides of the desk. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The workplace has changed everywhere, and not for the better. Years ago, I was "let go" from a major company, but they gave me plenty of time to find a new job. My next job was with a company in Cleveland that had a reputation for sudden firings. Now every company fires people ruthlessly in the same way that the Cleveland company did.

There is not respect for employees anymore -– only fear that they might take revenge and damage company property. Companies now want fired employees out the door as soon as possible. -- RICHARD IN CLEVELAND HEIGHTS, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: The professional courtesy train has left the station, and it's not coming back. I remember mailing out printed resumes and receiving a mailed response –- if only to say, "We will keep your resume on file."

Now, with the advent of job bulletin boards, e-mail and phone interviews, I'd interpret, "You'll hear from us in seven days" to mean, "If we really want to hire you, you'll hear from us in seven days. If you don't hear back, connect the dots!"

What is perceived as lack of courtesy is really corporations embracing "efficiency" and "expediency." -- DEAN IN TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: As an employer, I would like to say that not all employers have trouble "giving bad news." It is part of our responsibility.

However, it works both ways. Why don't employees give this same consideration to their employers? If they are unhappy in their job, why can't they let their employer know?

I have had employees of more than 25 years just up and give two weeks' notice. Of course, they put in for vacation time during that period and really give only four days' notice. And this is after we have paid for their college education, professional training, bonuses, benefits and pay raises every year.

As far as I'm concerned, courtesy should be a two-way street. -- DEBI IN HOUSTON

DEAR ABBY: I, too, have been "wined and dined" during the interview process -– and then nothing. Some labor lawyer friends informed me that lack of response is often the norm. No response means nobody can sue them for various kinds of discrimination. It's a sad development in our litigious society. -- JOHN IN ALAMEDA, CALIF.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was married recently, but I am extremely embarrassed about the wedding. My husband and I are recently out of college and have no money. The wedding was done on a shoestring, and it looked it. It was certainly not the fantasy I had envisioned.

We are now trying to buy a house and, coincidentally, using the same mortgage company my parents have used for years. During a chat with our loan officer, she let it slip that "the wedding must have been gorgeous" because my parents took out a huge loan to pay for it. Well, they didn't pay for anything but the food. It was barbecue and not expensive.

I am very hurt that my parents used me as an excuse to get a large loan and didn't even offer to help. I never expected anything from them. I worked my way through college. Now that I'm aware of their lie, I want to talk to them about it. Should I? -- UPSET IN IDAHO

DEAR UPSET: The loan officer was wrong to have revealed confidential information. However, rather than being hurt by the news, perhaps you should be concerned. It's possible your parents took out the loan to help with the wedding but needed the money for some emergency. By all means discuss it with them, but don't do it with a chip on your shoulder.

DEAR ABBY: I am 23 years old and in the Navy. I am in the medical field, and the chances of my going to Iraq are very high. Lately, all I can think about is when I die what song I want my parents to play at my funeral. I have the song already picked out. My problem is, how do I bring this up to my parents without freaking them out? -- CONFUSED CORPSMAN IN ILLINOIS

DEAR CONFUSED: Write your parents a letter "to be opened in the event of my death." In that letter, outline whatever wishes you have regarding your funeral -- should you need one –- and the disposition of your property. (I am surprised that the subject of a last will has not been raised already by the command of your unit.)

It is not necessary to discuss this with your parents right now. Hold a good thought and keep in mind that most members of the military come back alive after their tours of duty. Leave the letter with your attorney or your parents -– or a trusted friend, to be delivered if you do not return.

P.S. Please do not think negatively. It will only distract you. Your safe return is in the prayers of many people today and every day.

DEAR READERS: Today marks the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., a martyr of the civil rights movement, who was shot to death at the age of 39 in 1968.

Dr. King rose to prominence because of his eloquence in pleading for social justice and his persistence in the face of violent opposition. In 1964, he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. His words of wisdom ring as true today as when they were spoken during his acceptance speech:

"Nonviolence," he said, "is the answer to the crucial political and moral questions of our time: the need for man to overcome oppression and violence without resorting to oppression and violence.

"Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love."

God bless America. May we as Americans learn from Dr. King's example.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)