life

Dawn of New Year Drives Out Darkness of the Past

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 1st, 2007 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR READERS: Rise and shine, my friends, and welcome a brand-new year! This is our chance for a new beginning. It is the day we discard destructive old habits for healthy new ones. With that in mind, I am printing Dear Abby's often-requested list of New Year's resolutions -- adapted by my mother from the original credo of Al-Anon.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once.

I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things I can correct, and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking.

Just for today, I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I am overweight, I will eat healthfully -- if only just for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.

And now, Dear Readers, I would like to share an item that was sent to me by I.J. Bhatia, who lives in New Delhi, India:

"DEAR ABBY: This year, no resolutions, only some guidelines. The Holy Vedas say, 'Man has subjected himself to thousands of self-inflicted bondages. Wisdom comes to a man who lives according to the true eternal laws of nature.'

"The following prayer of Saint Francis contains a powerful message:

"'Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

"'Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

"'Where there is injury, pardon;

"'Where there is doubt, faith.

"'Where there is despair, hope;

"'Where there is darkness, light;

"'Where there is sadness, joy.

"'O Divine Master, grant that I may not as much seek to be consoled as to console;

"'To be loved as to love.

"'For it is in giving that we are pardoned;

"'It is in dying that we are born to eternal life."

May we finally find peace and joy in this New Year. To one and all, a happy, healthy and prosperous 2007. -- Love, Abby.

life

Dear Abby for January 01, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 1st, 2007 | Letter 2 of 2

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

life

Six Year Old Driving Golf Cart Is Unsafe at Any Speed

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 31st, 2006 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: My son and daughter-in-law have a golf cart they allow their 6-year-old daughter, "Madison," to drive. I feel that she is too little to control the vehicle. She can barely see above the steering wheel.

This is way too large and powerful a vehicle for the little girl. There is a warning on the dashboard stating that a rollover could cause severe injury or death.

It tears me up that this is allowed, when I imagine the potential risk that the parents are courting. They assure me that they have taught Madison how to operate the vehicle safely, but I feel a 6-year-old is not capable or skilled enough to handle an unexpected driving situation.

My son and daughter-in-law are excellent and caring parents in every other way. However, on this issue they are in denial about the potential hazards, coupled with the reality of age-appropriate challenges.

When I speak up, I am met with rolled eyes and a curt reminder to mind my own business. Even my husband refuses to listen. I feel isolated in this situation. My husband offered no support when I expressed my concern and told me to stay out of it. I just want to avoid a potential tragedy without being "the meddling mother-in-law." Am I overreacting? -- SERIOUSLY WORRIED IN FLORIDA

DEAR SERIOUSLY WORRIED: You do not appear to be a "Nervous Nellie" to me. I don't know the law in Florida, but in my opinion this could be considered child endangerment. Your granddaughter may be the most well-coordinated child in the world, but accidents do happen, and golf carts should not be confused with go-carts, which are meant for children.

Because you cannot get your son's and husband's attention any other way, place a call to your insurance agent, asking about the potential liability should your grandchild collide with another vehicle -- or, God forbid, a human being -- while operating the golf cart. The financial liabilities could be considerable, putting aside the possible injury to your granddaughter or others. It could be the wake-up call they need.

life

Dear Abby for December 31, 2006

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 31st, 2006 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I have been going to the same dentist for more than 20 years and have a good relationship with him. I recommended two patients to him, and both of them later told me they were very unhappy with the work he did and had to see other dentists to have the work redone.

This caused me to question his work on me, so I decided to go to another dentist for a consultation. The other dentist is highly esteemed and not a competitor because her practice is in another city. Both she and her partner concluded that the work done by my dentist was sub-par and unacceptable and reviewed the reasons with me.

Do I need to explain to my dentist why I am leaving his practice? Or do I just not schedule any more appointments? -- DENTALLY CHALLENGED IN D.C.

DEAR DENTALLY CHALLENGED: Do not schedule any more appointments with this person. If he calls to ask why, then you can explain your reasons.

life

Dear Abby for December 31, 2006

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 31st, 2006 | Letter 3 of 4

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: If you're partying tonight, please don't drink and drive. Have a designated driver.

A happy, healthy and prosperous 2007 to each and every one of you! -- Love, ABBY

life

Dear Abby for December 31, 2006

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 31st, 2006 | Letter 4 of 4

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

life

Brother in Law's Attitude Is Bad for Family Business

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 30th, 2006 | Letter 1 of 5

DEAR ABBY: Our family owns a bar in a resort community. I run it, along with my mom and two of my sisters. Added to that mix is one of my brothers-in-law, "Jeff." Jeff is the problem.

Jeff manages the bar some nights, and he is becoming increasingly difficult to work with. He does a good job of managing in most areas. However, he is impossible to talk to. At the ripe old age of 26, he has become a know-it-all. If he thinks he's being criticized, he becomes combative, bossy or defensive. He is also very sensitive, and frankly, very immature.

I understand that Jeff loves our business and is dedicated to his job, but the problem is the way he talks over everyone. He also likes to hold his position over employees, and his refusal to listen to what others have to say is making an impossible situation. If he wasn't a part of the family, he would not be working here in his current capacity.

I have tried explaining that he must choose his words more carefully, and that he needs to listen and be a part of the team rather than always "the boss," but nothing gets through. I'm reluctant to upset the natural balance of our family or hurt Jeff or my sister, but something must be done. We're losing good employees and customers because of his attitude. What can I do? -- TRYING TO SAVE THE BUSINESS

DEAR TRYING: You have failed to recognize that "the business" is an entirely separate entity from "the family," and must be treated as such. What you might tolerate from a family member is not always acceptable in business. Because, I assume, your family's livelihood depends upon the business, you have a duty to nurture it and, if necessary, prune away anything that might threaten it.

My advice is to call a meeting of your "shareholders" and stage an intervention with your brother-in-law. Make it plain that there must be an attitude adjustment effective immediately, or, much as you care about him, he will have to find other employment. Then act accordingly. Business is business.

life

Dear Abby for December 30, 2006

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 30th, 2006 | Letter 2 of 5

DEAR ABBY: What do you do when your partner is verbally abusive? When he gets mad at me, he calls me a racially insulting name, and I'm not even black. I'm Hispanic.

I wasn't raised to talk to anyone like that, and it really bothers me that my partner feels that way about them and me. What am I supposed to do? -- LISA IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR LISA: Your partner is not only a verbal abuser, it appears he is also a bigot. What you are "supposed to do" is dump him, because the person you have described cannot control his mouth and never learned how to express his emotions on an adult level. He will make your life miserable if you continue to allow it.

life

Dear Abby for December 30, 2006

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 30th, 2006 | Letter 3 of 5

DEAR ABBY: I am a cleaning lady. My customers are like family to me. If I ever found drugs, cigarettes or alcohol in a minor's bedroom, I would inform the parents. Recently, however, I found used condoms and a homemade "used" sex toy.

I do not know what to do. The boys are approximately 8 and 12. The older one was involved with pornography both on the cable TV and on the Internet. His parents handled it with therapy and locks on the TV and computer. Do I turn a blind eye and mind my own business? Even with drugs and alcohol, should I look the other way? Any advice would be helpful. -- CLEANING LADY IN N.Y.

DEAR CLEANING LADY: For a 12-year-old boy to have sexual urges is not unusual. However, because this one was sexualized early and has a younger brother, it would be a good idea to mention what you found to their father and let him handle it from there.

As to drugs and alcohol, possession of both by a minor is illegal and the parents should definitely be informed if the child is abusing either.

life

Dear Abby for December 30, 2006

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 30th, 2006 | Letter 4 of 5

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY MUSLIM READERS: A happy Eid Al Adha to you all.

life

Dear Abby for December 30, 2006

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 30th, 2006 | Letter 5 of 5

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

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