DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, I divorced my abusive husband of 23 years. However, when he remarried I fell apart. Friends we have in common tell me they are happy, and his new wife is "good for him."

Thoughts of why he could change for someone else, but not for his own family (we had two sons) eat me up. It has been a year since his wedding, and I am still hurting as if I want him back. Please help me. -- CRYING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CRYING: Dry your tears and straighten up. Your husband and his new wife are still newlyweds. Leopards don't change their spots. His abuse of her may not have begun yet, because most abusers take some time to chisel away at their victim's self-esteem before the actual abuse starts happening. Also, these "common friends" may not be privy to what goes on behind closed doors. Most abused women blame themselves for it, and are so ashamed they keep it a secret.

Because you are still hurting and comparing yourself unfavorably to the "new" missus, it's time to talk to your doctor about a referral to a licensed psychotherapist who can talk this out with you. It will be money well spent. Consider it a shortcut to feeling better about yourself and the wise decision you made to get away from your abuser.

DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Lindy," has lived with my fiance, "Reid," and me since the death of our mother two years ago. Dad died when I was 12, so there was no other option for my sister.

Everything was going fine until a month ago, when Lindy told me she was pregnant. I was upset because she is only 17. Lindy insisted that things were going to be "fine" because the baby's father was older and well-off.

One night last week, Lindy and Reid (who is 28) sat me down to have a talk about her pregnancy -- and told me that Reid is the father of the baby! I am devastated at their betrayal. I can't believe that Reid, the love of my life, and my little sister, whom I'd considered my best friend, would sleep together. I have let them both live with me and carried them financially for the last two years.

I am beside myself and don't know what to do. I want to kick them out, but I'm afraid for the baby, and I can't just turn my sister out into the streets. I love my fiance and can't bear to let him go, but his actions have proven that he doesn't love me like I love him.

You're the only person I can talk to about this. Please help me, Abby. -- BETRAYED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR BETRAYED: Call off the engagement and get your two-timing deadbeat "fiance" out of there immediately. You have been his meal ticket for far too long. What your sister did might be chalked up to immaturity, but Reid is an adult. Do not let it escape you that he has used you both.

If you can handle it, let Lindy stay until she's 18 and has her high school diploma. That way, she can provide for herself and the baby if she decides to keep it. The baby is not your responsibility; it is Lindy's and Reid's. If you remember that, you'll shield yourself from pain and aggravation in the future.

DEAR ABBY: Could you settle an argument between me and my husband? We've been married only four months.

I get out of the shower and dry off, or walk into the bedroom to dry off. He says I should dry off in the shower. Who is correct? -- ANN FROM FLORIDA

DEAR ANN: You should dry off wherever you are more comfortable drying off, and if your controlling new husband doesn't like it, then HE should dry you off in the shower.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old who lives in northern Portugal, and while it's true that the vast majority of teens suffer from depression, mine is different.

Before I went to grade school, I was a happy kid, extroverted and showing some talent for the violin. When I was 6, however, I met a girl who I thought was so beautiful that I couldn't look at her.

As much as adults might insist that love in a 6-year-old is impossible, that is the only thing it could have been. The idea that she didn't love me back gave me many nights of pain and even a trip to the hospital for an emotional breakdown, from which I suffered very badly.

My parents were more supportive of my intellect than anything else. They didn't really have the time for my emotions. My intense, unrequited love turned me into a bitter person who has not been remotely happy in years. I find it very hard to wake up every day, and my family doesn't know the slightest about my inner self. What can I do to ease my pain? -- BITTER 13-YEAR-OLD IN PORTUGAL

DEAR BITTER: You appear to be highly intelligent and precocious for your age. You write like an adult, so I will answer you on that level.

The first thing you must do is talk honestly with your parents about your feelings of sadness, bitterness and pain. They are some of the classic signs of chronic depression. You may discover that, in light of the fact that you were once hospitalized for a breakdown, your parents will not be surprised and will be open to what you have to say. Depression can run in families, and you are probably not the only family member who has struggled with it.

While it is possible for a young child to fall in love -- I did it myself as a child, more than once -- you must realize that not all children do. The object of your adoration may not have been as much "rejecting" as unaware of the depth of your feelings and not mature enough to return the emotions.

Your road to happiness lies within yourself, and with your parents' help, I pray you find it. But before you can begin that journey, you must find the courage to reveal your inner self to the people closest to you.

DEAR ABBY: Last night my wife and I went to a movie. A man in our row was talking, so I "shushed" him, but he continued to talk, ruining the movie for us.

What is the best way to handle someone talking during a movie? Thanks! -- JIM IN OVERLAND PARK, KAN.

DEAR JIM: Talking during a movie is one of the rudest things a person can do, on the same level as answering a cell phone rather than turning it off while a film is in progress.

Because your request for silence was ignored, you had several alternatives: Get up and move to a different location, or inform the theater manager about the distraction so he/she could handle it. Your final solution would be to ask for your money back and see the film another time, or watch it on DVD in the comfort and quiet of your own home. That's what many people are deciding to do these days.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of a man who pulls a chair out from underneath his wife when she goes to sit down? -- SORE BUTT, TEMECULA, CALIF.

DEAR SORE BUTT: Not much. You could have been seriously injured. If your husband thinks it was funny, he appears to be immature and have a warped sense of humor. From now on, seat yourself, because your husband is not to be trusted until he grows up.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Do you believe there is a Santa Claus? My father died in 1966. I would have Mom for two more years. She was ill and developing Alzheimer's when my husband gave me an ultimatum: him or my faith. I chose my faith. When he left, I was left with Mom and two teenagers to support. We lived through some very hard times. Many nights we went to bed hungry.

One day, my son approached me with a bank statement in his hand. "Hey, Mom," he asked, "why are we struggling so hard? You have $3,000 in the bank!" I told him the funeral home had not yet cashed my check. (It was June; Dad had been buried the previous November.) When I contacted them, they informed me that they had already been paid for the funeral.

The lady at the bank looked for hours on her computer, but could not find an error anywhere. She smiled and said the money had been deposited in our account. I asked who had done it. No one knows my account number; there was no way to tell who had made the deposit. Then her smile grew really wide, and she said it had been deposited on Christmas Eve! Now, who would go to a bank on Christmas Eve?

I believe in Santa. He saved our lives. -- A BELIEVER IN OHIO

DEAR BELIEVER: I believe that Santa Claus takes many forms. He is the embodiment of the spirit of selfless giving that is present in most of us -- and which springs to life after Thanksgiving, although this year he appeared before the Halloween candy had been dispatched.

Two years ago, I received a testimonial regarding Santa Claus from another reader. She confided that the week before Christmas she was sorting through her mail, opening Christmas cards, when she came across an envelope with no return address. At first she thought it was a piece of junk mail, but decided to open it on a whim. When she did, she was stunned to find a Christmas greeting with three crisp, new $100 bills enclosed. The card was unsigned and the postmark indicated that it had been mailed from Flint, Mich. She said that she didn't know anyone from Michigan, and the money was a much-needed Christmas miracle.

So you're not alone in believing in Santa Claus -- you're a member of a very large fellowship.

To all my Christian readers, a very Merry Christmas to you all!

DEAR ABBY: My sister and I live in the same city. I occasionally baby-sit my niece when her regular baby sitter -- a neighbor -- can't, which means when my sister works after 5 o'clock or a family emergency comes up. I have always been happy to play with my niece and I have never charged for my time.

My problem is, my sister has increased her need for my services. When I inform her that I can't do it because of prior commitments, she lays a guilt trip on me about how badly she needs me and I'm the only person she trusts. She begs and bribes to get me to cave in -- then she'll say that she can get a friend to baby-sit "if she must."

I reached the breaking point when she assigned me to baby-sit so she could volunteer for a political campaign and take some evening college classes. I don't want to have to give up most of my spare time to baby-sit. How can I decrease my sister's dependence on me? -- FEELING USED IN DES MOINES

DEAR FEELING USED: Your sister has taken advantage of your generous nature. You can lessen her dependency by being less available and not knuckling under when she pressures you. Please understand that she will continue to take advantage only as long as you continue to allow it.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)