DEAR ABBY: Do you believe there is a Santa Claus? My father died in 1966. I would have Mom for two more years. She was ill and developing Alzheimer's when my husband gave me an ultimatum: him or my faith. I chose my faith. When he left, I was left with Mom and two teenagers to support. We lived through some very hard times. Many nights we went to bed hungry.

One day, my son approached me with a bank statement in his hand. "Hey, Mom," he asked, "why are we struggling so hard? You have $3,000 in the bank!" I told him the funeral home had not yet cashed my check. (It was June; Dad had been buried the previous November.) When I contacted them, they informed me that they had already been paid for the funeral.

The lady at the bank looked for hours on her computer, but could not find an error anywhere. She smiled and said the money had been deposited in our account. I asked who had done it. No one knows my account number; there was no way to tell who had made the deposit. Then her smile grew really wide, and she said it had been deposited on Christmas Eve! Now, who would go to a bank on Christmas Eve?

I believe in Santa. He saved our lives. -- A BELIEVER IN OHIO

DEAR BELIEVER: I believe that Santa Claus takes many forms. He is the embodiment of the spirit of selfless giving that is present in most of us -- and which springs to life after Thanksgiving, although this year he appeared before the Halloween candy had been dispatched.

Two years ago, I received a testimonial regarding Santa Claus from another reader. She confided that the week before Christmas she was sorting through her mail, opening Christmas cards, when she came across an envelope with no return address. At first she thought it was a piece of junk mail, but decided to open it on a whim. When she did, she was stunned to find a Christmas greeting with three crisp, new $100 bills enclosed. The card was unsigned and the postmark indicated that it had been mailed from Flint, Mich. She said that she didn't know anyone from Michigan, and the money was a much-needed Christmas miracle.

So you're not alone in believing in Santa Claus -- you're a member of a very large fellowship.

To all my Christian readers, a very Merry Christmas to you all!

DEAR ABBY: My sister and I live in the same city. I occasionally baby-sit my niece when her regular baby sitter -- a neighbor -- can't, which means when my sister works after 5 o'clock or a family emergency comes up. I have always been happy to play with my niece and I have never charged for my time.

My problem is, my sister has increased her need for my services. When I inform her that I can't do it because of prior commitments, she lays a guilt trip on me about how badly she needs me and I'm the only person she trusts. She begs and bribes to get me to cave in -- then she'll say that she can get a friend to baby-sit "if she must."

I reached the breaking point when she assigned me to baby-sit so she could volunteer for a political campaign and take some evening college classes. I don't want to have to give up most of my spare time to baby-sit. How can I decrease my sister's dependence on me? -- FEELING USED IN DES MOINES

DEAR FEELING USED: Your sister has taken advantage of your generous nature. You can lessen her dependency by being less available and not knuckling under when she pressures you. Please understand that she will continue to take advantage only as long as you continue to allow it.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Daddy died a year ago. He was an avid sportsman who left behind a large gun collection. Mama is planning to sell it, with the help of a close friend of Daddy's.

This friend told Mama a few weeks ago that he thought some of the guns were missing. After some encouragement, she filed a police report. To make a long story short, some of the guns were located in a pawn shop. The thief was my baby sister "Jan's" fiance. He admitted to Mama that he took the guns a month after Daddy died. He had a key to the house and found the key to the gun cabinet, which she had hidden in her underwear drawer.

Mama has not pressed charges because of my sister. Jan claims she "loves" this felon. She says he is "so sorry" and "remorseful" and she knew nothing about the theft. Abby, my sister's 12-year-old daughter lives in the house with them, and her natural father is ignorant of this whole mess. Jan says she and her fiance have been to a counselor, who told them they should stay together.

Mama now feels violated and unsafe in her own home. We find it unbelievable that Jan can even look this guy in the eye, much less continue to live with him. Her financial picture is not good, and our parents gave her money for years that they could not afford. I think the guy belongs in jail, but only Mom can bring charges. As long as this thief is in Jan's life, our family will be in turmoil. What should we do? -- STABBED IN THE BACK IN VIRGINIA

DEAR STABBED IN THE BACK: Your sister's fiance appears to be a sociopath or druggie -- possibly both -- and I doubt whether any licensed counselor told her they should stay together. The man must no longer be allowed in your mother's home, and her locks should be changed to ensure it.

Your niece's father should be informed about everything that has transpired. If he doesn't want custody, your niece should be assured that she can come to you if she needs to talk to you about "anything." Although you cannot force your mother to put your sister's fiance in jail, that is where he belongs. By not pressing charges, your mother is enabling him to continue his criminal behavior.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I both came from "the wrong side of the tracks," but have done better than the odds predicted we could for ourselves and our children. We have a 2-year-old and a newborn, both planned.

Recently, my mother-in-law, "Martha," was arrested by Children's Social Services and my 11-year-old sister-in-law was removed from her care. My husband and I have discussed attempting to get custody before, so this could be a blessing in disguise.

My problem is I do not want Martha in my home. My mother-in-law stole credit cards and bank cards from me when she was our roommate. Because we have babies in the house and are doing so well -- I have a job and am completing my college degree, and my husband is also employed and will be starting school soon -- I do not want this person in my house. We have worked too long and hard for what we have. Can you give us any suggestions? Lord knows we could use some help. -- MEGAN IN MIAMI

DEAR MEGAN: Considering your mother-in-law's history, your reasons for not wanting her in your house are understandable. Because she was arrested for abusing (or neglecting) her daughter, it's possible that she could be considered a danger to the child and ordered by the court to stay away from her and your house. Please look into it. An attorney can help you.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My parents split when I was 3 and divorced when I was 6. I am now 28. Mama remarried when I was 7 to a man I consider to be my dad. My biological father, "Kevin," lived in the same town we did until I was 11, when we moved. (My stepfather was in the military.)

Communications and visits were rare before we moved and have been nearly nonexistent ever since. Kevin never paid child support and only occasionally remembered birthdays when I was young. He called once a few years ago. The entire conversation was centered around his making excuses about why he was never around and never supported us. In the end, he blamed Mama for it. He never once apologized for being a deadbeat dad or his lack of interest in my life.

Kevin called again a few months ago. I was civil to him although I didn't offer much in the way of conversation. He said he and his wife had prepared their wills and that I was named in his. I simply said "OK" and didn't ask any questions.

Kevin has called a couple of times since, but I have no motivation to return his calls. This week I got a birthday card from him in the mail -- two weeks late, of course. It contained a check for a small amount of money. I honestly did not feel any loss for not having Kevin in my life because I was blessed with a loving, caring male parent. Sharing DNA does not constitute being a father in my book. But I think he at least owes me an apology or some kind of admission of wrongdoing (or lack of doing) if he expects me to be civil and communicate with him.

Should I return the check? Should I cash it, and write a letter thanking him for remembering my birthday, albeit late? Or should I tell him I am not willing to talk to him until he's willing to offer me an apology? -- DAUGHTER WHO DOESN'T NEED TWO DADS

DEAR DAUGHTER: For someone who "honestly did not feel any loss for not having him in (your) life," you appear to be genuinely steamed at your birth father. The time has come to be honest with yourself about your feelings of anger, disappointment and abandonment -- and tell him honestly how you feel. Then hear him out.

You may learn that your mother made it difficult for your father to see you -- and the move reinforced it. He may also have had financial problems that made monetary support difficult. Only he can give you the details that, in my opinion, you sorely need to hear. It is clear your father is now trying to make amends, even if it's not in the form of an apology.

DEAR ABBY: Am I a "sicko" because I step out of the shower naked in front of our dog? My wife thinks so. The trouble started when we got a female dog, "Taffy," from the local animal shelter. Taffy sleeps in our bedroom and is there in the morning when I take my shower.

My wife insists that I cover up in front of the dog and that Taffy is no different from a child. This has created a lot of stress between us because, to me, a dog is a dog. Is it wrong to be naked in front of a dog? -- IN THE DOGHOUSE, TEMECULA, CALIF.

DEAR IN THE DOGHOUSE: Even though many people treat their dogs like children, the fact remains that dogs are canines -- not homo sapiens. Your wife appears to be either jealous or have an overactive imagination. It is no more wrong for a human to be naked in the presence of a dog than it is for a dog to be naked in the presence of a human.

CONFIDENTIAL TO EDWARD JAY PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy Birthday, li'l bro. I hope you're partying hearty!

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)