DEAR ABBY: I never thought I would write to you, but several months ago my wife learned that a DJ at the local radio station was an old high school acquaintance. After swapping several e-mails, the man tried to seduce my wife. He didn't do it in a way that could get him into trouble, but his intentions were very clear.

My wife called him and blasted him, telling him she has been happily married for 16 years.

This DJ works for my wife's favorite radio station, and every time she listens to this station a little bit of my heart breaks because she knows how I feel about this incident. Should I ask her to stop listening to this station -- thereby punishing my wife, who is entirely innocent in this matter -- or keep my mouth shut and hope the hurting will someday stop? Any advice you can offer will be appreciated, as I have been troubled by this for some time. -- ACHY-BREAKY HEART IN MAINE

DEAR ACHY-BREAKY: I'm sorry you were hurt by the lechery of that presumptuous DJ, but please understand that this had nothing to do with you. Your wife discouraged his advances. The fact that she likes the programming on that particular station doesn't mean she's attracted to the disc jockey. At this point, you're making a mountain out of a molehill. You won. He's the loser. Forget about it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been through a lot this past year. We found out my stepson, "Tim," was molesting young children. Three of his victims are close family members. Our entire family has been through some traumatic times trying to deal with this. Tim is currently in a foster home for young adults. He wants to come home and for everyone to forgive him.

As you might expect, my husband is taking this extremely hard. He also wants his son home. I gave him an ultimatum. If Tim comes home, I will leave him. Was that wrong? That boy literally destroyed my family.

I do want Tim to get help, but he has been cheating the system and not taking the treatment in his hurry to get back here. Also, he has lied about other victims. Is there hope? - - NEEDING ANSWERS IN UTAH

DEAR NEEDING ANSWERS: My heart goes out to your husband. It is understandable that he would want his son to come home. However, you were right to give him the ultimatum -- especially if you have children in the household -- and if necessary you should follow through. Your stepson is a predator, and no young child is safe around him. He needs supervision and therapy. The fact that he has not been honest with the people who are trying to help him indicates that he needs to be exactly where he is.

DEAR ABBY: When I learned that my 16-year-old son and his friends were high on marijuana at school, I reported them all to the administration. As a result, they were suspended from school for eight days. His friends' parents are furious with me, and now I am beginning to question whether I did the right thing.

My friends tell me I was right to do what I did. My son said I should have left his friends out of it. Apparently their smoking has been ongoing, and I do not believe it would have stopped unless they faced disciplinary action. By the way, I am a middle school teacher. What do you think? -- SECOND-GUESSING MYSELF IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SECOND-GUESSING: While I don't approve of minors getting high on anything, your solution was needlessly Draconian. Your son's friends' parents are angry because you did not consult them before reporting their children and allow them the option of handling the matter themselves. Frankly, I see their point. I think you jumped the gun, and you owe them an apology.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Suzy's" husband recently got a pet monkey named "Jocko." He and the monkey play games together. The problem is he has now begun ignoring Suzy in favor of the monkey.

When Suzy wants to have sex and asks him to come to bed, her husband refuses and tells her, "I'd rather spend time with Jocko." That's only the beginning. She told me she and her husband no longer share the same bed. He says, "Jocko needs company," and he sleeps with it on the couch. He also has a special chair for Jocko at the table, etc.

I feel very bad for Suzy, but she doesn't want to break up with him. She thinks it's a passing fad. What should I do? -- BILL IN BRONX, N.Y.

DEAR BILL: This couple has deeper problems than a simian in the household. I speak from personal experience when I say that monkeys do not make good house pets. (My mother had two cinnamon ringtail monkeys for about six months when I was a child. Among other things, they cannot be housebroken.)

When a husband would rather monkey around with his monkey than monkey around with his wife, you know the marriage is in serious trouble. My advice to you is to take a giant step backward, but before you do, recommend to Suzy that she discuss the situation with a marriage counselor. She and her husband need more help than I can offer in a letter.

DEAR ABBY: I am very worried about a 13-year-old boy I know. I'll call him Jimmy. Although we are not blood-related, I have been friends with his mother, "Monica," since before he was born. There is no male parent in the picture, and there isn't going to be.

Monica is chronically depressed, possibly bipolar, and not entirely capable of taking care of her son. Jimmy, who was never a slim child, has gained about 100 pounds over the past year. He now weighs nearly 300. Monica and Jimmy eat almost every meal at fast-food restaurants, despite her chronic unemployment and a debt load that recently forced them out of their house. Jimmy isn't sedentary -- he is virtually immobile. Healthful snacks are rare in their apartment, and he drinks soda almost to the exclusion of water.

When Jimmy stays with me, we drink water, eat fruits and vegetables, and go outside every day and walk. These activities are nonexistent at Monica's.

How can I help this family get healthy before Jimmy's health is further compromised? -- FEARFUL FRIEND IN IDAHO

DEAR FEARFUL: You are right to be concerned about that child's welfare. Jimmy needs to be seen and evaluated by a health-care professional because 100 pounds is an enormous amount of weight for anyone -- child or adult -- to put on in one year, and the problem could stem from something other than excess calories.

Your friend Monica could be battling chronic depression, or she could -- like many other parents in the United States today -- be ignorant about what healthful meals consist of and how to prepare them. Please encourage her to check into adult education courses in nutrition through her local high school, community college or hospital. As it stands, Jimmy's lifestyle could put him at risk for serious illness, including heart disease and diabetes.

If she is unwilling or unable to help her son, then please contact Child Protective Services and let them know the boy needs help in the form of an intervention.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I was widowed last spring, and I'm still not over the shock of what happened at my late husband "Jason's" visitation at the funeral home.

I was his second wife. Imagine my devastation when my darling husband of less than three years died only 90 days after being diagnosed with cancer. Jason had been separated and divorced from his first wife, "Carole," for many years before we were married, and had two adult children from that marriage.

On the morning of Jason's visitation, I went to the funeral home and made sure the casket spray, guestbook and a few family photos of all of us were arranged before going home to shower and change.

When I returned to the funeral home, I was confronted by Carole, who was greeting the visitors as if she were the widow -- wearing red cowboy boots, no less. If that weren't enough, she had put up a display with photos of herself and Jason, storyboards, etc. and was acting as if they had never divorced. I was mortified by her behavior, but did not want to cause a scene in that setting.

Finally, after four hours, the funeral director and a friend escorted Carole outside and told her it was time for the wife to be alone with the body. Was it the funeral director's responsibility to take care of this, or should Jason's children have corrected their mother's behavior? -- HURT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR HURT: The right person finally took action. It was up to the funeral director to see to it that the visitation was carried out to your satisfaction. And, embarrassed and grieving as you were, you should have approached the funeral director and asked that the former wife's performance be "canceled" as soon as it began.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has always been a little bit controlling, but he has never mentally or physically abused me before. We have a relationship that works for us.

I was raised in the South to believe that the woman stays home and cooks and cleans. I enjoy being his "li'l woman." I am pregnant with our second child.

The problem is, my husband is starting to drink more and more. When he drinks, he becomes angry. The other night while he was drinking, he hit me for the first time. He apologized the next day, but I am now scared of what he might do the next time he drinks. I have suggested counseling. He says he will think about it. -- WORRIED IN ROCHESTER, MINN.

DEAR WORRIED: Your husband's drinking has reached the point where it's time the both of you admitted he has a serious problem. For a man to hit a woman is a disgusting sign of weakness; for a husband to hit his pregnant wife is beyond the pale. If you do not draw the line now, your husband could seriously injure you and/or the baby when (not "if") he does it again.

Tell him that the first time he hit you was also the last, and if the marriage is to continue, he must get help for his drinking immediately -- not just "think about it." And while you're at it, inform him that the next time he raises a hand to you, you will call the police and have him thrown in jail. If you fail to act now, this is only the beginning of your problems.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

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