DEAR ABBY: Would you please inform the business people of America about the existence of your booklet, "How to Write Letters for All Occasions"? When I open a business letter and find myself addressed on a first-name basis, as in "Dear James," the letter immediately goes into the trash!

The informal first-name salutation is entirely wrong because I have never met the person sending the letter, and I consider it highly improper.

When it comes to manners, please inform any and all business people about the proper way to address correspondence. -- MISTER C. IN SAN JOSE, CALIF.

DEAR MISTER C.: I'm glad to oblige. You are not the only reader who has complained that the degree of informality in business letters they receive seems presumptuous.

As I say in my letters booklet, "Depending on how well you know the person to whom you are writing, you write: Dear Martha, Dear Miss Smith, Dear Joe, Dear Mr. Black." Common sense dictates that if the person is a stranger, the formal salutation should be used instead of the familiar one.

My booklet can be ordered by sending a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Postage is included in the price.

DEAR ABBY: I am a freshman girl who is dating a junior guy I adore. I can talk to him about anything, and he's always there for me no matter what. We've been dating for seven months.

He is always telling me that we're going to be together forever, and I agree. But now that I start thinking about it, I don't know if he's the one for me. I don't want to say it because I don't want to hurt him. But I'm afraid if I keep leading him on that he'll only get stronger feelings.

How should I tell him this? I am so young, and there are so many other fish in the sea. All my friends keep telling me I can do better, but I just feel stuck and don't know what to do. You can't force yourself into loving someone, can you?

Please answer back as soon as possible, and tell your readers not to get too serious in a relationship unless you are 110 percent positive that he or she is "the one," or you'll end up in too big of a mess to handle. -- DISTRESSED DAMSEL IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR DAMSEL: Although you may "adore" this knight in shining armor, it is not possible to "force" oneself into loving someone else. It is important that you level with him. It is also important that you do so without being cruel.

Because you are unsure that he's "the one" for you, you should tell him that at 14, and only a freshman in high school, you need time to grow and blossom before you will be ready to commit to a relationship that is "forever." Explain that you care about him and would like to be friends, but that you feel it's important that you both date other people.

Do not make any of this his fault. And do not mention that your friends think you can do better. If you were both older, someone with his qualities might be just the ticket for you. If you must blame it on anything, make it a matter of bad timing because, in a sense, that's what it is. That's the downside of young love.

DEAR ABBY: Please assist my wife and me with a question of usage. Is the man who married my wife's sister my brother-in-law or my sister-in-law's husband?

Please help, as there is $20 and a homemade deep-dish pizza on the line. -- STICKLER IN TENNESSEE

DEAR STICKLER: According to Webster's Collegiate Dictionary (11th edition), your wife's sister's husband is your brother-in-law.

DEAR ABBY: On Thursday, Nov. 16, millions of smokers will take part in the American Cancer Society's Great American Smokeout. During the last 30 years, we have learned that the combination of a smoke-free community and smoking cessation support is vital to helping smokers quit.

Abby, I need your help. Although people are aware of the dangerous effects of tobacco use on a smoker's own health, there has been debate about the impact of secondhand smoke.

Earlier this year, the U.S. surgeon general issued the first report in 20 years on the health effects of involuntary exposure to secondhand tobacco smoke. We hope the following information from that report will help your readers to better understand the harmful effects of secondhand smoke on their health -- as well as the importance of smoke-free workplaces:

-- Secondhand smoke causes premature death and disease in children and adults who do not smoke.

-- Children exposed to secondhand smoke are at an increased risk for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), acute respiratory infections, ear problems and more severe asthma. Smoking by parents causes respiratory symptoms and slows lung growth in their children.

-- Exposure of adults to secondhand smoke has immediate adverse effects on the cardiovascular system and causes coronary artery disease and lung cancer.

-- The scientific evidence indicates that there is no safe level of exposure to secondhand smoke.

-- An estimated 126 million Americans, both children and adults, are still exposed to secondhand smoke in their homes and workplaces -- despite substantial progress in tobacco control.

-- Eliminating smoking in indoor spaces fully protects nonsmokers from exposure to secondhand smoke. Separating smokers from nonsmokers, "cleaning" the air and ventilating buildings cannot eliminate the exposure of nonsmokers to secondhand smoke.

Abby, please help us spread the word about the importance of not exposing yourself or your loved ones to secondhand smoke. In addition, remind your readers that quitting smoking is one of the healthiest decisions they can make.

The American Cancer Society has helped thousands of Americans to quit smoking. Smokers who quit by age 35 will avoid 90 percent of the risk attributed to tobacco. Smokers who quit by age 50 will reduce the overall risk of dying prematurely in the next 15 years by 50 percent. -- RICHARD C. WENDER, M.D., PRESIDENT, AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY

DEAR DR. WENDER AND DEAR READERS: This is an important column, about a cause that has been embraced by my family for decades. Smoking remains the leading preventable cause of death in the United States. It has been responsible for nearly one in five deaths in 2006. Smoking will cause about 30 percent of the estimated 570,280 cancer deaths this year.

For those of you who smoke, it is my hope that the Great American Smokeout will motivate you -- as well as give you an opportunity -- to quit. I urge smokers to contact the American Cancer Society for help in making a plan to quit smoking. I am also urging you to advocate for smoke-free communities.

The American Cancer Society has helped thousands of Americans throw away their cigarettes for good. For more information on quitting smoking, lung cancer or any other information, call toll-free at (800) 227-2345 (the number is staffed 24/7), or visit online at � HYPERLINK "http://www.cancer.org" ��www.cancer.org�.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: About six months ago, my husband and I asked my 19-year-old cousin, "Danny," to live with us. He had hit a rough spot in his life, and had been doing drugs, drinking and feeling suicidal. Since living with us, Danny no longer has these feelings and is no longer drinking or doing drugs. We are trying to help him find his direction in life.

Recently, my grandmother, who adopted Danny when he was 10 after his mother died, went to my mother's house where my husband and I were visiting for the weekend, and began yelling at us.

First she accused us of not loving Danny and claimed we are trying to ruin his life. Then it escalated, and she was screaming at us because we didn't ask her permission before inviting Danny to come live with us. (He was already out of her house and living with my uncle at the time.)

She also claimed Danny was "better off doing drugs and drinking" and being "home" than he is with us because she wasn't "mean" to him like we are!

Feelings were hurt and a lot of tears were shed. When we told Danny what happened, he was confused and asked: "Where did all this come from? You aren't bad people. I'm much happier here than anywhere else."

Abby, where do you think all my grandmother's hostility and anger came from? It's the first time I've ever had a confrontation with her. -- CONFUSED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR CONFUSED: Assuming that your grandmother is in her right mind and not a substance abuser herself, I can only conclude that her motive was jealousy. Your achievement turns a spotlight on her failure.

DEAR ABBY: There's a boy in my class I have known since I was 2. He's a great athlete, but is a tad bit full of himself. He is always playing mean pranks on me and hitting me up for money, and if I don't give him money he hits me.

I ask him to stop, but he still does it. Abby, what do you think I should do? -- 11 AND FRUSTRATED

DEAR 11 AND FRUSTRATED: You may have known this boy since he was 2, but the person you have described is a bully and an extortionist. Please inform a teacher or the school principal about the fact that he's hitting you when you don't give him money. And also ask your parent(s) to find you a course in self-defense. It will make you less likely to be picked on in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I am a newly single young woman just coming out of a marriage. I was recently dining alone in a local restaurant when I was sent a drink from a patron at the bar. This had never happened to me before.

Although I was flattered, I wasn't quite sure how to handle the situation. I wasn't interested in the gentleman sending the drink, and thus felt bad about accepting his kind gesture. What is the proper thing to do and say in this situation? -- NEWLY SINGLE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR NEWLY SINGLE: Here's how the drill usually goes: Unless the man is a mind reader, he will send a server over to offer you a drink of your choice. When the server asks, all you have to do is smile and reply, "Please tell the gentleman thank you for his generous offer, but no thank you." This eliminates the introduction and obligatory conversation that would normally follow should you accept the beverage.

In your case, however, the deed was already done. I would have smiled at the gentleman, taken a token sip of the drink and then asked for my check.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)