DEAR ABBY: I identified with the woman signed "No Hugs, Please," who complained of a man who considers himself a "good Christian" yet dispenses lecherous hugs in the name of fellowship. I am a slim, attractive female who is a United Methodist minister, and three older men in our church fall into the same category. Here's how I handled it:

When one of the men zeroed in on me prior to worship as I was greeting people and proclaimed, "I need a big hug!" I quickly stepped back, pointed to his wife and said, "There ... help yourself!" He's never tried hugging me again.

More often, when I see these predators coming, I simply extend one hand out to shake, and put my other hand on their shoulder to physically keep them at bay. After a brief handshake, I move away. That way, I'm in control of the situation. -- PASTOR IN TEXAS

DEAR PASTOR: I heard from a number of readers of both sexes about how common this problem is. Thank you for sharing with my readers your successful technique. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have worked in the field of violence against women for six years. No one has the right to touch anyone without permission. Once "Uncle Harry" has been told by these women not to hug them anymore, he's legally obligated to cease. He needs to understand that if he continues to hug women who have asked him to stop, he may be breaking the law and could be arrested. Everyone has a right to her (or his) personal space. -- GIGI IN HAWAII

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "No Hugs, Please" regarding thumbtacks in bras was just bizarre. Just because the man is in his 70s and goes to church doesn't mean he shouldn't be held responsible for sexual harassment.

I'm also curious as to who a "fine" Christian such as Uncle Harry is married to. A woman who turns a blind eye to her husband's lecherous behavior is nothing but a fine example of denial! -- ZERO TOLERANCE FOR LECHERY, GOLDEN, COLO.

DEAR ABBY: Uncle Harry, the older man who loves to hug women, pretending it's not sexual, won't be put off by simply being told, "Don't hug me." He'll laugh and hug harder, just to prove he's in control.

I've found it useful to pretend I don't know there's any sexual component behind such behavior. Example, call out nice and loud, "Ow! You're hurting me!" no matter how gently he hugs.

If you accuse him of improper intent, he'll only deny it. But if you state that he's causing you physical pain -- he can't deny that. It worked for me with a former co-worker who was a lot worse than Uncle Harry. -- MILLIE IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: Tacks in bras? Please say you were kidding. That's the old passive-aggressive way women dealt with men in the past because they were afraid to stand up for their rights and feelings. Imagine a child trying to hug you with those tacks. Besides, the sight of little points sticking out of my bra and dress is enough to send me into hysterics. -- DEALT WITH IT VERBALLY IN FLA.

DEAR ABBY: I loved your reply regarding lecherous Uncle Harry. As long as he doesn't over-hug, he won't get the "point." Thanks! -- K.J. IN WINDSOR, COLO.

READERS: Today you have seen what the women have to say. On Thursday, I think you'll be equally interested in seeing the responses I received from the men!

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 38, a mother of three, and my husband and I have been married 16 years. I'm an only child. Daddy passed away 10 years ago.

Now my mother, who is 74 but in good health (according to her doctor, whom I talk to regularly), insists that she "must" come and live with me. My husband has made it clear that she's not welcome. Mamma has caused untold trouble with virtually every family member over the span of her lifetime, and is cruel and verbally abusive. Her presence in our home would not be positive for our children because she is critical, demanding and impossible to please. I talk to her daily (we live seven hours apart), and every day she tells me how "mean" I am because I won't allow her to come and live with us.

Abby, I am currently working on my MBA. I would not be where I am without the love and support of my husband and three children. I cannot ask them to bear the burden of my mother, but her constant nagging is making me physically ill. What do I do? I would deeply appreciate and respect your advice. -- TORN APART IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TORN APART: For the sake of your family, do not allow yourself to be guilted into letting your mother move in. Offer to help her find a nice residence for active seniors or an assisted living facility if she feels she needs one. (Her doctor might be able to recommend some good ones.) Your mother appears to be a master at guilt and manipulation, and you may need professional help to fend her off. You are both adults, so stop letting her treat you like a naughty child. If necessary, make an appointment with a psychologist to help you through this difficult period.

P.S. Daily phone calls seem excessive. You will feel better if you do not talk to your mother as often as you have been.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl, and for almost three months I have been e-mailing a 16-year-old boy I'll call Derek. Derek tells me how much he likes me and how much he would love to date me. I feel the same way, but when I talked to my parents about it, they did not approve.

The reason is Derek's sexual past. He was having sex in his last relationship, which lasted a little over a year. My parents are concerned that he will expect that from me.

I explained to Derek that if we were to date, I would not go that far. He respected that and promised that he would never force me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. I explained this to my parents, but they still don't trust him.

What can I do to show them I'm trustworthy enough to date an older guy and I can make good decisions for myself? – NOT A CHILD IN CASCADE, MONT.

DEAR NOT A CHILD: Your parents know you are not a child, and their concern is not that you are untrustworthy. They are concerned about Derek's trustworthiness, and whether he is mature enough to make the right decisions regarding his relationship with you in light of the fact that he was having sex with his former girlfriend for more than a year.

Although it is nice that Derek wouldn't force you to do anything you weren't comfortable with –- which could be regarded as rape, by the way -– you should ask yourself if you would both be ready to deal with the consequences if you did "get comfortable." At 14, you might be ready to socialize as part of a group, but not one-on-one. And one way to earn your parents' trust is to put some trust in their decisions.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Help! My daughter, a medical professional in her 30s who has earned bachelor's and master's degrees from two of the top universities in the country, is involved with a guy who doesn't have a high school diploma (not even a GED). She's now talking marriage to him. He does not now, nor has he to my knowledge ever, held a steady job. He lives with his aging mother.

I can see what's in it for him -- a meal ticket for the rest of his life -- but for the life of me, I can't see what my daughter has to gain from this relationship. He doesn't even talk to her with dignity and respect. I'm just baffled.

Wouldn't you know that she's convinced that her mother and I -- as well as her three siblings -- are all wrong in our assessment of him? We have always contributed to those on welfare, but, Abby, what would compel my daughter to marry a welfare case? Please help me understand. -- STRUGGLING IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR STRUGGLING: Love can sometimes be blind. Your daughter may be so physically attracted to this man that she cannot see beyond it. Or she may have a need to be needed. Or she may need to feel "important," and thinks that having the financial upper hand will assure her security in the marriage. Or she may see some quality in him that you all have overlooked. Not knowing your daughter, I can't judge whether her attraction to him is because of low self-esteem, or because it's so high she doesn't need a man as a status symbol.

DEAR ABBY: My father passed away three months ago. He remarried shortly after our mother died 10 years ago. All of us children were with him at the end. We all loved and cared for him very much.

My concern is, none of us has seen his will. Before Dad remarried, my youngest sister was supposed to be in charge of that. We are guessing that the will was changed. None of us cared for his new wife much, and we don't really want to ask her whether there is a will or not.

How long does it take for a will to be filed after a spouse has passed on? And how can we find out without talking to his second wife? -- CURIOUS IN CINCINNATI

DEAR CURIOUS: Contact your father's attorney. If your youngest sister was "supposed to be in charge of that," she might already know who that person is. That way you won't have to talk to your father's second wife, and your questions will be answered by a legal expert.

DEAR ABBY: Two of my friends are being married a distance away and are having their wedding reception here in Washington, D.C. I received an invitation a few days ago to attend the reception. I like both of them very much. They are upstanding, dedicated, outstanding individuals. They are also both guys.

I am torn. I believe that marriage is between one man and one woman. Part of me wants to attend because I am friends with them, and if I went I would be polite, charming and come bearing a gift. However, another part of me does not want to attend because I don't believe in what they are doing. What should I do? If I don't attend, am I still responsible for a gift? -- CONFUSED ABOUT ETIQUETTE

DEAR CONFUSED: I am sure that if your friends knew that you disapprove of their marriage, they would find your presence at their reception an act of hypocrisy. So send your regrets for being unable to attend. And because you will not be a part of the festivities, you are under no obligation to send a gift.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)