DEAR ABBY: During the last few weeks, two young women I know have confided to me about similar situations with their boyfriends. Each said her boyfriend took her cell phone and went through her logged calls, voice messages and text messages, checking to see who she had talked to. Both young men were furious that the girls had contact with other male friends. Both incidents were frightening.
I am a middle-aged woman, and I don't feel I have an old-fashioned point of view. They asked my opinion about this, and I told them I'd never violate my husband's -- or boyfriend's or girlfriend's -- privacy by looking at mail personally addressed to them, going through their purse, wallet, checkbook or cell phone. I consider it a matter of respect and trust. Both young women claim that the calls and text messages were innocent.
What is your opinion about the privacy of cell phones and other personal items? -- CAROL IN FARIBAULT, MINN.
DEAR CAROL: Both of the boys you mentioned have serious control and insecurity issues, which could possibly lead to dating violence in the future. What they did was a huge invasion of privacy, and of enough concern to me that I question whether those relationships should continue.
As to that kind of thing happening in more mature relationships, if the level of trust has been so eroded that snooping is necessary, the relationship is already in serious trouble. Also, the person doing the snooping may be guilty of the cheating that he or she is obsessed with discovering. There's an old saying, "A person doesn't look behind the bedroom door unless he (or she) has stood there in the past."