DEAR ABBY: Does it make me a horrible daughter if I don't want to take my mother to visit my older sister who lives 90 miles away? According to my mother, it does. I have always taken her in the past, even when it was the last thing I wanted to do.

I was divorced for several years, but three years ago I married a wonderful man, and now I have a life. I suppose in the past my mother felt I had nothing better to do. When I act like I'd rather not go, she says things such as, "I'll be dead someday, and you won't have to bother with me." I hate that.

She also tries to drag my husband into the argument, saying he won't "let" me go, as if to suggest that I really want to go and it's his fault.

My husband says she's jealous that I have him in my life, and she feels like he's taken me from being at her beck and call. What do you think? -- FEELING GUILTY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: Your husband has keen insight. You're feeling guilty because your mother plasters on the guilt like a baker spreads frosting. If you are her only mode of transportation, perhaps it's time to suggest that if she wants a visit with your sister, your sister should pick her up -- or better yet, come to visit Mama.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Madison," became engaged a couple of months ago, and she and her fiance have set their wedding date for April of next year. My stepdaughter, "Brittany," who has been living with her boyfriend for years and has two kids with him, has just decided they will be getting married at the end of March 2007.

I find it very strange that all of a sudden a wedding is in the making. I suspect she has ulterior motives. We are planning an expensive wedding for Madison, which was already decided upon way before Brittany's wedding was even mentioned. Brittany is now expecting us to pay for it. What is our financial obligation? -- ANNOYED IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR ANNOYED: In light of the fact that Brittany has been living with her boyfriend for years and has already started a family, I do not understand her rush to beat your daughter to the finish line. It appears she's trying to upstage Madison -- and is not being subtle about it.

A wedding is a gift, not an obligation, on the part of parents. So please do not allow yourself to be intimidated into doing anything that is beyond your finances.

DEAR ABBY: My high school girlfriend and I were married after dating for 6 1/2 years. The marriage lasted less than a year because she was unfaithful.

About five months after the split, I began dating a fellow law student. It has been fantastic. In fact, we have spent only four nights apart since we made our relationship official.

How long should I wait between my divorce and proposing to my girlfriend? -- EAGER IN INDIANAPOLIS

DEAR EAGER: Once your divorce is final, there's no reason why you can't propose to your girlfriend as soon as you wish. However, I would caution you to hold off on marrying quickly.

Theoretically, this romance could be considered "on the rebound." You have spent very little time in your life unattached. If you're smart enough for law school, you should understand the wisdom of allowing this enjoyable relationship to ripen until you and she are both confident it will last a lifetime. Time is on your side, so please don't rush it.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I was recently placed in an uncomfortable situation. "Adam," a 43-year-old married co-worker, was using myspace.com to contact me four and five times a day on my days off. The messages culminated when he told me he was crazy about me and would like to "kiss and cuddle outside of work." Abby, I am 20 and very happy in my current relationship. I told Adam I would be neither interested nor comfortable doing that with him.

He was going through a rough patch in his life at the time, so I didn't report him to management because it would have gotten him fired, and he and his family couldn't afford for him to lose his job. However, Adam has approached every single young female at the company with a similar proposition at one point or another. It is fairly common knowledge, and no one has spoken up about it.

Adam now talks to me at work only when necessary and has stopped contacting me on my days off, but the whole situation feels weird, and I know in the future another girl will inevitably be put in the same situation I was. Adam has already been disciplined several times for saying inappropriate things and, while I don't want to punish his family for his bad behavior by costing him his job, I also don't want any other girl to be made uncomfortable because of him. Any suggestions? -- HAD IT IN DAVENPORT, IOWA

DEAR HAD IT: Considering "Adam's" history, you should have spoken up at the time he began sexually harassing you. It was not your responsibility to protect his family from the repercussions of his bad behavior. If their financial future is jeopardized, it will be because of Adam, not you or any of the other women he has gone after.

One way to ensure that he cannot harass anyone else in the future would be to gather all of the young women he has done this to, and pay a call on the director of human resources or your boss. It's the surest way to ensure he won't act like a fox at the henhouse the day the next young female employee is hired.

DEAR ABBY: I am 14 and a freshman in high school. I have been best friends with a girl I'll call Tracy ever since third grade.

Two years ago, Tracy's father was killed in a car accident, and it's like she hasn't grown since. My problem is, she treats me differently now. She has said it's because I bring back memories of her dad and it hurts her, but I'm the one being hurt.

Tracy and I have only one class together, but we see each other every day during lunch. She rarely talks to me when we're around my friends, and if she does, it's not always a nice comment. She admitted a few days ago it's because she thinks I am smart and she isn't.

My parents have asked me again and again if I really want to be her friend, and I have answered "yes" every time. But I'm tired of the way she treats our friendship. Is it time for us to grow apart? -- SAD IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR SAD: Let me put it this way. It's time that you accepted that you haven't been "best friends" for some time, and you have ALREADY grown apart. It is sad that your friend lost her father and that seeing you reminds her of her loss. But you can't change either of those things, and you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Because you're not getting those things from Tracy, it is time to move on.

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DEAR ABBY: Is it OK for two brothers (in the range of 40 years old) to sleep in the same bed? My husband says he is very close to his family. I sleep alone in our bed almost every night because my husband falls asleep on the couch a lot watching TV.

He and his brother were watching a ball game together the other night in his brother's room. (Unfortunately, he lives with us almost year-round.) They were on the bed and fell asleep there.

I should mention that their mother is very "touchy-feely" with them and often sits next to them, caressing her sons' inner thighs.

Where I grew up, this is considered inappropriate behavior. What is wrong with this picture? If I mention anything about this, my husband gets very angry, as he is the "controlling" type. -- FEELING ILL IN ILLINOIS

DEAR FEELING ILL: If your intuition is telling you that "something" is wrong, then you should listen and act upon it. What's clear from your letter is that you're unhappy and unsatisfied in your marriage, with good reason.

For a 40-year-old man to spend almost every night sleeping on the couch instead of with his wife is highly unusual, and the reason usually isn't that what's on television is so compelling he can't drag himself into the bedroom. You should consult a licensed family therapist pronto. And if your husband won't go with you, go without him.

DEAR ABBY: Occasionally you publish letters from readers discussing what they are grateful for. I have never seen one like mine. I am a woman in my early 50s, married 25 years, with no children.

I am grateful for excellent mental health. Until eight years ago, I suffered from manic depression. Other than my supportive husband, no one knew it. I held a job and, for the most part, functioned much like everyone else day-to-day. True, I may have lost a job or two because of it. Also true, it was a major factor in our deciding not to have children. I couldn't handle that responsibility when each day was a delicate dance between feeling all right or very sad and anxious.

Because of counseling and anti-depressants, my life is now wonderful. I am writing to urge anyone who thinks he or she might suffer from debilitating depression to seek help. There is nothing to be ashamed of about seeking help for mental illness. People wouldn't feel that way about consulting a doctor for a broken leg or diabetes. Depression can be caused by a chemical imbalance.

I have been blessed with a kind, supportive spouse and a productive life. I wake up each morning grateful to be alive. Life is too short, so I hope your readers will take this letter to heart. -- GRATEFUL IN ILLINOIS

DEAR GRATEFUL: Sometimes the most important words in the English language can be among the most difficult to say. They are, "I need help." And yet, admitting it and reaching out are crucial to healing.

Every time I advise people to discuss emotional problems with their doctor, I am sure to hear from readers telling me they are without insurance or can't afford it. Counseling is available on a sliding fee scale through your county's mental health services, which are listed in the phone directory.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)