DEAR ABBY: I have a sister-in-law who constantly refers to my brother as "my husband" instead of by his name. I find it so irritating. I feel the term "my husband" should be relegated to the doorman or the cleaners around the corner, as in: "My husband will pick this up this afternoon." It shuts me out and sounds pompous. Am I wrong? -- "GARTH'S" SISTER IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SISTER: Are you wrong? Is she wrong? It seems to me that more is going on here than you being put off by the way your sister-in-law refers to your brother. Maybe she is insecure, and that's why she feels the need to "remind" you that your brother is her husband, or maybe she has trouble remembering names.

But if you let this get under your skin, how will you handle it when a serious disagreement arises -- as it often does in families? My advice is to mellow out and find your sense of humor.

DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Earline," seems not to really care about family that much. She does drugs and sells them.

My family and I just bailed her out of jail. I took my entire paycheck, my brother lent his entire paycheck, and our mom gave the last couple of hundred bucks she had to her name. Earline promised to pay us all back when she got home. (She was arrested out of state.)

We spent well over $1,000 getting her out, and she has been back for two weeks and hasn't repaid any of us. I have an 8-month-old baby to support.

This isn't the first time -- this has been going on for years, and I mean years. What should I say to Earline to get our money back, and so she'll stop doing this? She has two kids who live with my parents. -- NEEDS THE MONEY IN CHILLICOTHE, OHIO

DEAR NEEDS THE MONEY: Your sister may be so drug-addicted -- and addled -- that she can't see beyond her own needs. Surely, if this has been "going on for years," your family is by now aware that the chances that she will repay the money are practically nil. My advice is to write it off, and the next time Earline finds herself in a jam –- or in the slammer –- let her bail herself out. Having to pay the consequences is the only way she'll learn, and possibly get help.

DEAR ABBY: I am married to a wonderful woman, but something has been bothering me since we have been together. I am not as honest as I should be in our relationship.

We have had money problems pretty much since our marriage began. I have a spending problem, and I lie to her about where the money goes. I have been doing better, but I still want to spend money we do not have.

I do not spend money on drugs, prostitutes or clothes, but rather on plastic models and other hobby-related items. How do I stop spending and lying to my wife about it? -- SICK OF THE LYING IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR SICK: You start acting like a man instead of a child with his hand in the cookie jar. You recognize that marriage is a partnership and you have been, in a sense, stealing from your partner. Then you and she agree on a budget you can responsibly allocate to your hobby, and live within your means.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter you printed on Aug. 30 from that nurse who wants to change careers after only one year could have been written by me. I became a nurse in 2000. While I loved the intellectual stimulation and fulfillment of being a skilled and compassionate nurse, dealing with the "other nurses and the environment" was an entirely different matter.

There's a saying in nursing that "nurses like to eat their young." While it doesn't seem logical that experienced nurses would sabotage younger ones, it does happen -- more frequently than you might think.

I finally decided to change careers after only five years in the field. But then, I live in a small town. If I still lived in the large city I moved from three years ago, I'd have simply changed employers or gone into a different type of nursing. Unfortunately, there are no such options here.

More and more nurses are opting for career changes, Abby. It's a shame, too, considering the nursing shortage in our country. Your advice to "Susan in St. Louis" was right on. Living where she does, she's bound to find something better suited for her than where she is now -- or maybe she should switch to a different department in the same hospital. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR BTDT: With the shortage of skilled nurses in this country, your departure from the field is everybody's loss. Until I read your letter, I had never heard the expression "nurses eat their young." But it was echoed by a surprising number of nurses who responded to that letter. Like you, they wanted to remind "Susan" that other opportunities are available in this specialized and important field. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Susan in St. Louis" has many ways she can use her nursing training. If she likes hospital work, among the specialties she might try are: obstetrics, pediatrics, intensive care and dialysis. If she doesn't like hospital work, there is school nursing, which includes teaching, screening for various problems like scoliosis, as well as first aid. There is also industrial nursing, where you work for a private company.

In addition, there is research, writing for journals, flight nursing, IV therapy, case management, holistic, forensic, home health, nurse-anesthetist, nurse-practitioner, and many other options. Once you become a nurse, the world is your oyster. I know of few other careers that offer so much variety. -- VETERAN NURSE OF 24 YEARS

DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Susan in St. Louis" that with just a little more training, she can use her skill as a nurse to help attorneys understand and read medical records. She will do the same job as a normal paralegal, but she'll be working mainly in medical malpractice and personal injury areas, reading medical records. -- LEGAL SECRETARY IN OHIO

DEAR ABBY: There are unlimited opportunities for that young woman to apply her nursing/medical education to other careers. Plenty of drug and medical companies would welcome someone with nurse's training and experience for positions in clinical testing protocols, data review, on-site visits, customer support and interaction with medical professionals.

Many years ago, I graduated with a high school biology/science teaching degree, only to find after one year of teaching that I hated it. I have used my education to do something I could have never imagined: I have been successfully consulting to domestic and international medical device companies for more than 20 years. -- CAROLANN IN LILBURN, GA.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm in a relationship with a man I'll call "Dominick," who was arrested a few years back, but he refuses to tell me what he was arrested for. I have two children, and I don't want to continue this relationship if Dominick is a child molester.

Do you know where I can find out what he did? -- UNEASY IN SANFORD, FLA.

DEAR UNEASY: All you have to do is go to � HYPERLINK "http://www.fdle.state.fl.us" ��www.fdle.state.fl.us� and click on the sexual offender data base link. It's the Florida Department of Law Enforcement (FDLE) Web site, and it contains public-record information on people who have been classified as sexual predators/offenders under Florida law.

Readers, please note that different states have different laws about what information is made available to the public regarding criminals in this category.

From the FDLE site, you can link to other state sites and to the National Sex Offender Public Registry at � HYPERLINK "http://www.nsopr.gov" ��www.nsopr.gov�, which is provided by the U.S. Department of Justice.

However, that this man has refused to divulge the reason for his arrest to you should have already raised a huge red flag. It means he has plenty to hide, and because he's unwilling to be forthcoming, my advice is to invest no more time in him.

DEAR ABBY: I am 17. I had a dear friend I'll call "Gina." Her father was addicted to drugs and her mother died when she was young. Gina had nowhere to live because of certain things that were going on in her life, so I talked to my parents and they agreed she could live in our home. We took her in and treated her like a family member.

After living here for a month, Gina did something horrible. She had sex with a boy I'll call "Jesse." He was my first love and meant the world to me. Jesse and I were together for two years, on and off, and it was right after we had broken up that Gina lied to my face about what happened with him. She couldn't even own up to it. I heard it from one of my other good friends.

Abby, my family accepted Gina as one of our own. We clothed her, fed her, gave her a place to stay and comforted her through all her troubles. I don't know what to do. Pretend like nothing happened? She hurt me very badly, and everyone I tell this story to seems to think I should break off the friendship for good. I miss her company, but she really hurt me. Should I forgive her? -- BURNED IN BROOKLYN

DEAR BURNED: Gina may have lied because she was ashamed of what happened. I see no reason to pretend that nothing happened. However, whether you forgive Gina would depend on something you left out of your letter. Because this happened "right after" you and Jesse broke up, is it possible he used her to punish you? And who spread the story around? Was it Gina, or was it Jesse bragging about his latest conquest?

You need to be able to tell Gina how much her fling hurt you. She used extremely poor judgment under the circumstances to forge ahead with that "romance" while living under your roof. But if Jesse told her it was over between you, I can see why she might have. Forgiveness will depend on the answers you get from Gina, and how much forgiveness you're capable of.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)