DEAR ABBY: I'm in a relationship with a man I'll call "Dominick," who was arrested a few years back, but he refuses to tell me what he was arrested for. I have two children, and I don't want to continue this relationship if Dominick is a child molester.

Do you know where I can find out what he did? -- UNEASY IN SANFORD, FLA.

DEAR UNEASY: All you have to do is go to � HYPERLINK "http://www.fdle.state.fl.us" ��www.fdle.state.fl.us� and click on the sexual offender data base link. It's the Florida Department of Law Enforcement (FDLE) Web site, and it contains public-record information on people who have been classified as sexual predators/offenders under Florida law.

Readers, please note that different states have different laws about what information is made available to the public regarding criminals in this category.

From the FDLE site, you can link to other state sites and to the National Sex Offender Public Registry at � HYPERLINK "http://www.nsopr.gov" ��www.nsopr.gov�, which is provided by the U.S. Department of Justice.

However, that this man has refused to divulge the reason for his arrest to you should have already raised a huge red flag. It means he has plenty to hide, and because he's unwilling to be forthcoming, my advice is to invest no more time in him.

DEAR ABBY: I am 17. I had a dear friend I'll call "Gina." Her father was addicted to drugs and her mother died when she was young. Gina had nowhere to live because of certain things that were going on in her life, so I talked to my parents and they agreed she could live in our home. We took her in and treated her like a family member.

After living here for a month, Gina did something horrible. She had sex with a boy I'll call "Jesse." He was my first love and meant the world to me. Jesse and I were together for two years, on and off, and it was right after we had broken up that Gina lied to my face about what happened with him. She couldn't even own up to it. I heard it from one of my other good friends.

Abby, my family accepted Gina as one of our own. We clothed her, fed her, gave her a place to stay and comforted her through all her troubles. I don't know what to do. Pretend like nothing happened? She hurt me very badly, and everyone I tell this story to seems to think I should break off the friendship for good. I miss her company, but she really hurt me. Should I forgive her? -- BURNED IN BROOKLYN

DEAR BURNED: Gina may have lied because she was ashamed of what happened. I see no reason to pretend that nothing happened. However, whether you forgive Gina would depend on something you left out of your letter. Because this happened "right after" you and Jesse broke up, is it possible he used her to punish you? And who spread the story around? Was it Gina, or was it Jesse bragging about his latest conquest?

You need to be able to tell Gina how much her fling hurt you. She used extremely poor judgment under the circumstances to forge ahead with that "romance" while living under your roof. But if Jesse told her it was over between you, I can see why she might have. Forgiveness will depend on the answers you get from Gina, and how much forgiveness you're capable of.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am the military wife who signed my letter "Going Crazy in San Diego." I would like to apologize to you and all of your concerned readers for the worry I caused with my letter. Since I wrote you, I have been seeing a doctor and taking antidepressants, which have made a big difference. I will look into speaking to our military ombudsman as well.

I would like you and your readers to know I have never laid a hand on my child in anger, nor would I. Please understand that those were the thoughts of a scared, unsure and extremely exhausted new mother.

It's not easy to raise a new baby, but it's much harder when you're alone for months, far away from family and friends, and don't know if you'll ever see your husband alive again.

I have spoken to other new mothers in my situation and was relieved to discover I was not alone with my fears. My grandmother and an aunt are flying out to see me in a few weeks to give me a helping hand, and I'll be taking the baby to see them early next year.

My baby is doing amazingly well and sleeping through the night, which has been a big step in our happiness together. To ease her colic, I have discovered she enjoys being read to. So that's what we do together.

I have also found it's really nice to have a tiny person to cuddle, and that reading Dr. Seuss for long stretches of time is enjoyable when your audience is so enthralled by it.

Abby, I hope you and your readers can forgive the harsh words of a young mother who, in her time of need, turned to you for advice. We all make mistakes, and no child was harmed during mine. I apologize for upsetting so many people. -- NO LONGER GOING CRAZY IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR NO LONGER GOING CRAZY: There is no need to apologize and nothing to be forgiven for. It is never an imposition to reach out for help to me -- ever. No one is angry with you. The thousands of people who responded to your letter were deeply concerned –- as was I -– with your plight and wanted to offer support.

I am relieved that you took my advice, are now under a doctor's care, feeling better about yourself and your daughter, and better able to function in your role as a mommy. It is letters like yours that make my column so soul-satisfying. And I know my readers will be as pleased as I am that you took the time to write and let us know you are back in control and receiving the support you need from your doctor and your family. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl whose aunt has a special nickname for her. My aunt constantly calls me "Chubster"! She thinks it's funny and cute, but Abby, she doesn't know I'm self-conscious about my weight.

I know she doesn't mean to hurt my feelings, and it is supposed to be a loving nickname, but I can't help wondering why she didn't give that nickname to my older sister, who is a thin ballerina.

I don't want to insult my aunt, but this has to stop! Please help. -- ANOTHER ABBY IN FLORIDA

DEAR OTHER ABBY: Calling you "Chubster" may have been cute when you were a baby, but it is not appropriate now. It would not be insulting to tell your aunt frankly that the nickname she has given you is hurtful, and ask her to either select another one or call you by your given name. If she continues to call you "Chubster" after that, avoid her. Maybe then she'll get the message.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: What has become of social skills in this country? I have been planning my daughter's wedding for eight months, and mailed invitations with self-addressed, stamped response cards six weeks ahead of my deadline with the caterers and rental companies.

The wedding will be at a large city zoo with a buffet dinner at the reception. Some people don't respond at all, some plan to bring dates when no guest was invited, and I'm still getting response cards a full week after the deadline. Do people not understand what "Respond by" means?

Can I call them and say, "Sorry, it's too late," or must I just let them come and ruin our special event by causing us to run short of food and chairs? The RSVP situation has been the most stressful aspect of the entire event. We are well past the standard 10 percent extra.

Please let your readers know that their rudeness, disorganization or lack of social skills ruins the enjoyment of planning a special event. Maybe some other mother of the bride can benefit if you explain what the response card is for. -- TIRED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR TIRED: You have voiced a frustration that has appeared in this column before. "Response cards" are included with invitations so that the hosts will know how many people to plan on and the quantity of food and beverages that will be needed. When an invitation is sent, it is meant only for the person (or persons) whose names are on the envelope. This means no extra guests, and that includes children or dates. If you feel you cannot abide by that, then send your regrets.

I'm sad to say that "social graces" have diminished over the last decades. Many hostesses attempt to compensate for the lack of response to their RSVP cards by calling prospective guests and asking if they will attend -- and how many. This also gives them an opportunity to inform the person(s) that they cannot accommodate "extras" or that the occasion is "adults only."

DEAR ABBY: I am a newlywed. This is the second marriage for both of us. "Bart" and I are empty-nesters who both work full time. We did not live together before we were married and are now adjusting to our different ways of doing things.

A major issue we have is that the rule in my household has always been no phone calls after 10 p.m., while Bart has no problem with his parents and children calling late at night -- sometimes as late as 11:30.

I function well with eight to nine hours of sleep and try to be in bed by 10 or 10:15. Bart's alarm goes off at either 5:20 a.m. or 6:20 a.m., depending on his schedule during the week, and I can't always fall back to sleep. (I don't need to be up until 7:15.) Obviously, we can't change what time he has to get up, but he is "happy" to speak with his family whatever time they call, even though it wakes me up.

Neither of us wants to sleep in separate bedrooms. I love Bart and his family, but I have become a walking zombie. Any suggestions? -- SLEEP-DEPRIVED IN CLEVELAND

DEAR SLEEP-DEPRIVED: Just this. When people marry, their lives do not go on just as before. Your husband, his children and his parents are ignoring that fact.

It is extremely important that people get an adequate amount of sleep in order for their minds and bodies to function properly. Therefore, your husband needs to establish some ground rules with his side of the family before their lack of consideration harms your health. Sleep deprivation can adversely affect a person's efficiency at work, one's safety behind the wheel, and compromise the immune system.

If your husband has a cell phone, perhaps he should consider setting it on "vibrate" so that if his family needs to talk to him late at night, they can reach him without waking you.

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