DEAR ABBY: I am the military wife who signed my letter "Going Crazy in San Diego." I would like to apologize to you and all of your concerned readers for the worry I caused with my letter. Since I wrote you, I have been seeing a doctor and taking antidepressants, which have made a big difference. I will look into speaking to our military ombudsman as well.

I would like you and your readers to know I have never laid a hand on my child in anger, nor would I. Please understand that those were the thoughts of a scared, unsure and extremely exhausted new mother.

It's not easy to raise a new baby, but it's much harder when you're alone for months, far away from family and friends, and don't know if you'll ever see your husband alive again.

I have spoken to other new mothers in my situation and was relieved to discover I was not alone with my fears. My grandmother and an aunt are flying out to see me in a few weeks to give me a helping hand, and I'll be taking the baby to see them early next year.

My baby is doing amazingly well and sleeping through the night, which has been a big step in our happiness together. To ease her colic, I have discovered she enjoys being read to. So that's what we do together.

I have also found it's really nice to have a tiny person to cuddle, and that reading Dr. Seuss for long stretches of time is enjoyable when your audience is so enthralled by it.

Abby, I hope you and your readers can forgive the harsh words of a young mother who, in her time of need, turned to you for advice. We all make mistakes, and no child was harmed during mine. I apologize for upsetting so many people. -- NO LONGER GOING CRAZY IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR NO LONGER GOING CRAZY: There is no need to apologize and nothing to be forgiven for. It is never an imposition to reach out for help to me -- ever. No one is angry with you. The thousands of people who responded to your letter were deeply concerned –- as was I -– with your plight and wanted to offer support.

I am relieved that you took my advice, are now under a doctor's care, feeling better about yourself and your daughter, and better able to function in your role as a mommy. It is letters like yours that make my column so soul-satisfying. And I know my readers will be as pleased as I am that you took the time to write and let us know you are back in control and receiving the support you need from your doctor and your family. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl whose aunt has a special nickname for her. My aunt constantly calls me "Chubster"! She thinks it's funny and cute, but Abby, she doesn't know I'm self-conscious about my weight.

I know she doesn't mean to hurt my feelings, and it is supposed to be a loving nickname, but I can't help wondering why she didn't give that nickname to my older sister, who is a thin ballerina.

I don't want to insult my aunt, but this has to stop! Please help. -- ANOTHER ABBY IN FLORIDA

DEAR OTHER ABBY: Calling you "Chubster" may have been cute when you were a baby, but it is not appropriate now. It would not be insulting to tell your aunt frankly that the nickname she has given you is hurtful, and ask her to either select another one or call you by your given name. If she continues to call you "Chubster" after that, avoid her. Maybe then she'll get the message.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: What has become of social skills in this country? I have been planning my daughter's wedding for eight months, and mailed invitations with self-addressed, stamped response cards six weeks ahead of my deadline with the caterers and rental companies.

The wedding will be at a large city zoo with a buffet dinner at the reception. Some people don't respond at all, some plan to bring dates when no guest was invited, and I'm still getting response cards a full week after the deadline. Do people not understand what "Respond by" means?

Can I call them and say, "Sorry, it's too late," or must I just let them come and ruin our special event by causing us to run short of food and chairs? The RSVP situation has been the most stressful aspect of the entire event. We are well past the standard 10 percent extra.

Please let your readers know that their rudeness, disorganization or lack of social skills ruins the enjoyment of planning a special event. Maybe some other mother of the bride can benefit if you explain what the response card is for. -- TIRED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR TIRED: You have voiced a frustration that has appeared in this column before. "Response cards" are included with invitations so that the hosts will know how many people to plan on and the quantity of food and beverages that will be needed. When an invitation is sent, it is meant only for the person (or persons) whose names are on the envelope. This means no extra guests, and that includes children or dates. If you feel you cannot abide by that, then send your regrets.

I'm sad to say that "social graces" have diminished over the last decades. Many hostesses attempt to compensate for the lack of response to their RSVP cards by calling prospective guests and asking if they will attend -- and how many. This also gives them an opportunity to inform the person(s) that they cannot accommodate "extras" or that the occasion is "adults only."

DEAR ABBY: I am a newlywed. This is the second marriage for both of us. "Bart" and I are empty-nesters who both work full time. We did not live together before we were married and are now adjusting to our different ways of doing things.

A major issue we have is that the rule in my household has always been no phone calls after 10 p.m., while Bart has no problem with his parents and children calling late at night -- sometimes as late as 11:30.

I function well with eight to nine hours of sleep and try to be in bed by 10 or 10:15. Bart's alarm goes off at either 5:20 a.m. or 6:20 a.m., depending on his schedule during the week, and I can't always fall back to sleep. (I don't need to be up until 7:15.) Obviously, we can't change what time he has to get up, but he is "happy" to speak with his family whatever time they call, even though it wakes me up.

Neither of us wants to sleep in separate bedrooms. I love Bart and his family, but I have become a walking zombie. Any suggestions? -- SLEEP-DEPRIVED IN CLEVELAND

DEAR SLEEP-DEPRIVED: Just this. When people marry, their lives do not go on just as before. Your husband, his children and his parents are ignoring that fact.

It is extremely important that people get an adequate amount of sleep in order for their minds and bodies to function properly. Therefore, your husband needs to establish some ground rules with his side of the family before their lack of consideration harms your health. Sleep deprivation can adversely affect a person's efficiency at work, one's safety behind the wheel, and compromise the immune system.

If your husband has a cell phone, perhaps he should consider setting it on "vibrate" so that if his family needs to talk to him late at night, they can reach him without waking you.

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DEAR ABBY: Over the years, Americans have incorporated fire safety into their daily lives by installing smoke alarms in their homes and developing an escape plan for their family to follow in the event of a fire. These measures have saved lives and prevented injuries. However, few people consider the risks associated with a common activity that most of us participate in daily: cooking.

Did you know that unattended cooking is a leading cause of home fires? Three out of 10 home fires begin in the kitchen, more than any other room in the home. Home cooking fires kill hundreds of Americans and injure roughly 4,000 more each year. Many of these fires are avoidable.

This year, the National Fire Protection Association is focusing its annual public awareness campaign, Fire Prevention Week (Oct. 8 to 14), on cooking safety, urging the public to "Prevent Cooking Fires: Watch What You Heat!"

How can people be safer from cooking fires at home? Just follow a few basic safety guidelines while working in the kitchen: Never leave cooking unattended while frying, grilling, broiling or boiling, and if you must leave for even a short period of time, turn off the stove. If you are simmering or baking something over a longer period, check it regularly. Remain in the home and use a timer to remind you that the stove or oven is on. And avoid wearing loose clothing with dangling sleeves while cooking, as it could catch fire if it comes in contact with a gas flame or electric burner.

I hope that everyone reading this letter will add safety to their list of ingredients as they prepare their next meal. -- JAMES M. SHANNON, PRESIDENT, NATIONAL FIRE PROTECTION ASSOCIATION

DEAR MR. SHANNON: So do I, because cooking is something that so many people do by rote that it's easy to become distracted. I would like to add a few tips to consider when small children are members of the household.

If children are present during cooking, maintain a "kid-free zone" of 3 feet around the stove. And if they are in the kitchen, the stove's back burners should be used and pot handles turned inward to reduce the risk that pots with hot contents will be knocked over. Also, do not hold small children while cooking.

Readers, Fire Prevention Week is the logical time to review other safety measures around the house and to check your smoke alarms to assure they are working properly. To learn more about fire prevention and safety, log on to � HYPERLINK "http://www.firepreventionweek.org" ��www.firepreventionweek.org�.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Linus" for about a year. We say we love each other, but Linus says there's no such thing as "true love." OK, he's not very romantic, but he treats me well.

I was in love before -- the kind I thought was true love -- but I lost him. Now I'm not so sure I believe in true love, but I'm a romantic, and somehow, ending up with someone who doesn't believe in true love doesn't seem right. I'm not sure what to do. Should I keep looking for a true love that may not exist, or settle for someone who loves me, but not in that soul mate sort of way? -- D.L.K. IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR D.L.K.: "True love" is difficult to define because it's different for every individual. If Linus is considering marriage to you, then perhaps what Linus feels is true love -- for him. However, if what you want is someone who will sweep you off your feet and maintain that intensity throughout a marriage, then keep looking, because Linus is not the Prince Charming for you.

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