DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl entering the eighth grade. Even though I have friends, I feel like I am invisible. Many of the people who claim I am their "friend" don't even take the time to call me. I could take the first step and call them, I suppose, but then I always feel like I'm not really their friend.

I have only one girlfriend whom I can call on for advice. Please help me, Abby. I have just spent a long, miserable summer with no one to talk to. I want to change that. When I'm in high school next year, I don't want to just fade into the shadows like in middle school. I could really use some advice. -- ALONE AND SHY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ALONE AND SHY: Here it is. If you spent the entire summer waiting for people to call you, then it's no wonder you spent it alone. I know very few people who sit back, wallowing, as it were, in the adulation of others, while making no effort on their own behalf.

If you want to stand out in high school, you are going to have to become proactive in promoting yourself. An effective way to do that is to join clubs, become active in sports, activity groups, drama and/or student government.

In your signature line you identified yourself as "shy." Did you know that about one-third of the population is afflicted with shyness to some degree? It's true! And do you know why so many people are shy? Because they're afraid of rejection -- and holding back is the only way they think they can protect themselves from being hurt.

In my booklet, "How to Be Popular," I review topics including "The Art of Conversation," "The Friendly Personality," "Grooming," and what makes a clever conversationalist. If these are topics you would like to learn more about, my booklet can be ordered by sending a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Postage is included in the price. (Allow six to eight weeks for delivery.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 22 years old and have been with my boyfriend, "Carl," 3 1/2 years. We have lived together for three of them. Carl is 25, and this is the first, and hopefully, last, serious relationship for both of us. We have bigger issues than the one I present to you now, but this is the only one that has me mystified: Carl never calls me by name!

We both called each other "Baby" and "Sweetie" in the beginning, but as soon as I noticed it, I changed my ways. Carl said he always preferred calling me by my middle name (a family custom), which seemed sweet and was fine by me.

Abby, all that has changed is what Carl calls me when speaking in the third person. Anyone observing our interactions would -- and rightly so -- assume my name is "Babe"! Why is he doing this? What can I do? I'd truly appreciate your help. -- MIFFED IN MIAMI

DEAR MIFFED: Calling you "Babe" may be a lazy speech habit, may be his "special" pet name for you (although I'm not putting money on it), or he may have trouble remembering names -- including yours. Because being called "Babe" upsets you, tell Carl once more that you prefer being addressed by your given name. And if he has another memory lapse after that, "re-train" him by reminding him what you prefer to be called each and every time he slips up.

DEAR ABBY: While I agree wholeheartedly with your reply to "Hurt in Holstein, Germany" (8-11), regarding the gift of candy, I would like to add some insight to the German culture. I am married to a German man, lived there for five years, and enjoyed the opportunity to immerse myself in their customs and way of life.

I learned that not only are birthdays celebrated more widely in Germany (more parties and such), but it is also custom for the birthday person to supply the cake, eats, drinks, etc.

Commonly, one will take something in to work or school for the group as a way of celebrating. So I understand quite well how the family in that letter hit upon the idea of sharing the American candies with the student's class. It would indeed have been a treat for her classmates to have something from another country, instead of the usual treats.

While I can't say I agreed with every custom and cultural difference, I have never regretted having had the opportunity to experience them. It is in this way that we learn and grow. -- BEEN THERE, LEARNED A LOT, PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR BEEN THERE, LEARNED A LOT: Thank you for sharing your insight. Many readers echoed your sentiments. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Hurt's" host family was simply following a common German custom. Yes, it's different from what we do here in America, but Hurt would do well to consider how generous it is to give "gifts" to others on one's birthday, rather than sitting back and receiving, as we do in the U.S.A. -- ERICKA S., AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: Here in the Pacific Islands, when a family receives goodies from outside of the islands, it's expected they will be shared by everyone in the community. There is no more heartwarming feeling than sharing. I hope "Hurt" at least learns the value of sharing -- if anything -- from her stay in Germany. Otherwise, it will have been a colossal waste of time for her to have been there.

If this world is at war, it's no wonder. We are not willing to share. -- ISLAND BOY, SAIPAN

DEAR ABBY: That exchange student needs to lighten up. In Germany, tradition dictates you take candy to your classmates. But not just "any" candy -- it has to be special. The host family was not being rude; they were actually being complimentary. -- FORMER EXCHANGE STUDENT TO THE USA FROM THE U.K.

DEAR ABBY: My family moved to the Netherlands when I was a child, and I attended school there from grade two to grade seven. It was customary for each "birthday" boy or girl to bring treats for the teacher and class once a year. It was something we all enjoyed very much.

As adults, the "birthday" person is expected to hold an open house, so friends and family can drop by with gifts, and the host or hostess provides the coffee, baked goods and chocolates. Perhaps they have similar customs in Germany. -- KATHERINE A., NAPLES, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: Sharing the family's gift with others was a way for them to indeed "share the wealth." I lived in Austria for 15 years. They loved it when I'd bring candy from the U.S. that they didn't have in Europe. -- JOHN N., BAXTER, MINN.

DEAR ABBY: "Hurt in Holstein, Germany" should realize that sharing the candy was an honor, not an act of ingratitude on the part of her host family. No opportunity to teach the world about our culture should be missed. -- TEACHER IN MEMPHIS, TENN.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our late 30s, healthy and in good shape. Our love life is good, and we get along better now than we ever have in our marriage.

Before we get any older, my husband has asked me to visit a nudist beach or resort with him. He also says he would like to spice up our sex life by making love in the forest beside a mountain stream, or even the back seat of our car in a secluded spot.

Coming from a religious background, I am not totally comfortable with the idea of going nude at a beach in front of a lot of other people, or the thought of being caught having sex in the woods. My husband says that visiting a nudist beach or resort is not about exhibitionism or immorality. He says it is about enjoying nature and feeling the sensation of being free outdoors.

To be honest, these are things I might like to try, but I am just not sure. I'm concerned about what others would think if they found out. My husband says what we do is our own business, and the only way anyone we know would find out is if we told them.

Would it be wrong for us to go to a nude beach or resort, just to try it out? -- WONDERING WIFE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WONDERING WIFE: I recommend you consider your husband's suggestions one at a time, and see how comfortable you are with each one.

There is nothing sinful about going to a nude beach with one's husband. When you do, you will see entire families and people of every age enjoying themselves --- all looking remarkably similar, and none of them leering at anyone else. Should you run into people you know, I can't imagine anyone gossiping about it, since they would have to explain how they happened to see you.

As to spicing up your sex life by making love in public places: Although some people may enjoy the "danger" of possibly being discovered, I don't recommend it because it leaves couples vulnerable to being exploited by anyone who happens by, or being cited for violating local ordinances against indecent exposure.

DEAR ABBY: I have a dilemma with my neighbors, a young couple who moved into our neighborhood a couple of years ago. They are a very nice couple and we became friendly. But over the last several months, they have been spending an inordinate amount of time in our home.

They show up unannounced and often stay for more than two hours! My husband and I have two children and full-time jobs, so we don't have a lot of free time as it is. But when these two show up, we can't accomplish anything. They don't pick up on hints or gentle nudging when we try to get them to leave.

I dread the sound of the doorbell these days because I know it will be them. Sometimes it seems like they are watching to see when we come home. How can I tell them we need some space without hurting their feelings? I like them, but these unannounced visits are starting to take a toll on me. -- TRAPPED IN MY OWN HOME, FRONT ROYAL, VA.

DEAR TRAPPED: Your neighbors do not respect boundaries because you have set none for them. The next time they show up, do not let them in. Tell them you have chores you must do, and ask them to call before coming over in the future to see if it is convenient for them to visit. To speak up is not rude -- it is self-defense, which you have a right to practice when your home is being invaded.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)