DEAR ABBY: My husband and 3 1/2-year-old daughter love movies. I'm happy they have something in common to keep them close, but it's just not something I'm into. Most of the time, if they're watching a movie, the volume will go up to simulate a theater, which makes me nervous. So I do the polite thing -– I find something to do in another room. I am always courteous about it; I never flip out or am rude. I respect their love of movies.

So why do I feel guilty when my husband comes to me within five minutes of my leaving the room to make sure I'm OK? It's as if he's always afraid I'm angry. No amount of reassurance has helped him believe me. Any suggestions? -- CAN'T STAND THE NOISE, ONTARIO, CALIF.

DEAR CAN'T STAND THE NOISE: Perhaps you feel guilty because you don't make watching the movie "family time" you can enjoy together. Or maybe your husband feels guilty for turning up the volume when he knows you're sensitive to loud noises.

How about popping in some earplugs and enjoying the party? You might find you enjoy the experience not because of the movie, but because of their pleasure in having you there. Alternatively, consider suggesting another activity where you can all interact and converse with each other instead of just sitting and being entertained.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together eight years. I have left him twice because of his constant obsession with me. When he comes from work, if I am on the computer he gets angry and says I don't love him or want to spend time with him. He doesn't even like our children to be around if we are home.

I recently found out that one of the most important people in my life is going to die. When I told my husband I would be out of town at the doctor's with this person, my husband's first comment was, "I guess this means you aren't coming home tonight."

If I go away -– even overnight –- he calls or pages me nonstop, develops stomach aches, etc. Abby, we can be lying in bed with his hand touching mine, and if my nose itches and I move my hand to scratch it, I get, "Fine, then!"

I don't know what to do, but I can't keep on living like this. He always says he'll change, and for a little while he does. Then the cycle starts all over again. He has suffocated my love for him. But if I leave, he will tell the children (10 and 7) that it's all my fault and he wants to be a family. I don't know what to do. Do you think this relationship is salvageable? -- CAN'T BREATHE IN TEXAS

DEAR CAN'T BREATHE: Not unless your husband realizes that he has a serious problem and is willing to get professional help for his extreme self-centeredness and insecurity.

DEAR ABBY: I was widowed a little over a year ago when my darling wife died of cancer. Because my wife is now deceased, are her siblings technically still my brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law? They are wonderful people, and I still consider them to be part of my family. But are they? -- WONDERING IN PHOENIX

DEAR WONDERING: As long as your wife's sisters and brothers have a place in your heart, they will remain a part of your family. And if you choose to refer to them as in-laws, that's your privilege. I only hope that when you finally meet another special someone that they will welcome her into the family circle.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

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DEAR ABBY: I found a box of Viagra in my husband's pants pocket while I was sorting the laundry. The box had a prescription label with the date and his name printed on it.

My husband and I share the same bed, but have not been intimate for more than 15 years. Our marriage is a marriage of convenience, not love. We are barely civil to each other.

From experience, I know that if I confront him, he will lie and fabricate a story. This is the second time in five years that I have found Viagra. Where do I go from here? -- ANGRY BEYOND WORDS, OTTAWA, CANADA

DEAR ANGRY BEYOND WORDS: The first place you should go is somewhere quiet, where you can cool your anger and ask yourself some important questions:

(1) Why have I tolerated a loveless marriage of convenience for more than 15 years?

(2) Am I better off with this man or without him?

Once you have answered those questions you will know whether to consult a marriage counselor or a lawyer.

P.S. Freud said there is no such thing as an "accident." If you decide to reveal to your husband that you found the stash he left in his pocket, would you please let me know what kind of lies he fabricates? I'm sure my readers are as curious as I am about what kind of story he can come up with.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend (age 17) and I (age 14) are having "issues." Lately he's always pushing me around, telling me what to do and exactly how to do it. I try my best, but sometimes it doesn't cut it for him -– and I just don't know what to do.

I want to salvage our relationship, so sometimes I try talking about it. But he either doesn't want to listen or blames everything that goes wrong on me. The only time he's ever actually nice is when he wants to have sex, or think about it, or talk about it. I'm really uncomfortable with this, and I told him that. Then he "sweet talks" me, and I stand firm, but he just gets angry and hostile.

I know at our age we are going through so many hormonal changes, but I still don't think it's a good excuse for his immature behavior. But I love him soooo much -– and I'm just so lost! What can I do to keep our relationship from going over the edge? -- IN LOVE IN ANDERSON, S.C.

DEAR IN LOVE: Although you say you love this young man, he is not acting like someone who loves YOU. The behavior you describe is abusive and coercive, and if you continue to tolerate it, it will land you in serious trouble. You may "love" him, but you have to take care of yourself -– and the surest way to keep the relationship from going "over the edge" is to end it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 24-year-old graduate student and I'm currently planning my wedding. I don't own a cell phone. When I try to arrange plans with people or contact various wedding vendors, they'll ask for my cell phone number to get ahold of me later. When I reply that I don't have one, they act annoyed –- as if I'm inconveniencing them because they might not be able to get ahold of me the instant they call.

Abby, when I'm not at home I am usually someplace where I wouldn't answer a cell phone anyway, so I don't think it makes a difference if I have one or not. How do I reply to people who are astonished that someone could possibly get by without a cell phone attached to her hip? -- CELL-LESS IN WISCONSIN

DEAR CELL-LESS: Smile and say, "Just call me an old-fashioned girl." You are not obligated to explain further.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 34. My last living grandparent is my grandmother, "Gladys," who is 87. Ever since my grandfather died eight years ago, she has been depressed without showing signs of getting any better. The only thing that gives Granny Gladys any pleasure is seeing her family -- but it's never enough for her. No matter how often she sees anyone in the family, she tries to make us feel guilty for not spending more time with her.

I moved to another state last year, and whenever Granny Gladys calls she tries to make me feel guilty for moving. She has no interest in making friends, and if I suggest she join a senior citizens group, she complains that "all old people do is gripe about their aches and pains," and she doesn't want to listen to people complain all day. But Abby, all my grandmother does is complain about how lonely she is!

How can I ease my guilt about moving to another state? And how can I help her to be less depressed and stop laying guilt trips on our family? -- WORRIED ABOUT GRANNY, MORRISVILLE, N.C.

DEAR WORRIED ABOUT GRANNY: You appear to be a sweet, caring person, but it should not be your responsibility to lift Granny Gladys out of her eight-year "depression." Your grandmother appears to be prejudiced against people of her own generation. Many women are widowed after long marriages and go on to live satisfying lives.

You know as well as I do that older people do a lot more than "gripe about their aches and pains." As their health permits, they donate time to the community, socialize and keep themselves active and involved.

Your grandmother appears to have chosen to do none of those things. In fact, she seems to be happy in her misery. So please don't try to change her -- because if you succeed, you'll take away what appears to be her favorite topic of conversation.

DEAR ABBY: I am a daughter of two parents who, until recently, have been the best parents a girl could hope for. I graduated from high school and was accepted into a prestigious college in New York. I attended the school for a year, and my grades -- like those of many freshmen -- were not exciting.

During the second semester, my father lost his job, and so I finished the semester and dropped out of school. I no longer attend college. I am working part-time now, using the other time to look for a second job.

At family gatherings, my parents continue to say I attend this prestigious school, that I am "doing great" and that I'm almost done with college. I am not hurt as much as I am ashamed. Are my parents ashamed of me and my current "non-student" status? What should I do? -- DENIED IN N.Y.

DEAR DENIED: Your parents may feel ashamed that they haven't been able to pay for your education as they had planned, but I don't think they are in any way ashamed of you.

With one year of college under your belt, it is important that you complete your education. Because you can no longer depend upon your parents to pay for it, my advice is to pay a visit to the financial aid office of the school you were attending and see what you can work out. Your local library is also a terrific source of information when researching scholarships for which you might qualify. Please don't wait any longer to do this.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)