DEAR ABBY: I am a 26-year-old single mom with a 5-year-old daughter. I have been seeing "Rhett," a wonderful, sweet man, for more than a year. I have fallen very much in love with him and he with me -- I think.

Ever since Rhett met my daughter, all the fun, romantic, serious stuff we used to talk about has flown out the window. Anytime I try to talk sexy or serious about our relationship, he acts uncomfortable and changes the subject to my daughter and how she's doing in school, what her interests are, how she's feeling, etc.

This may sound selfish, but I miss the "us" conversations Rhett and I used to have. I am a mother 24/7. I want my romance back! But I'm afraid if I broach the subject, I'll sound jealous.

I am thrilled that Rhett loves my daughter and I know, since he has never had kids, this is a novelty. But it's like the romance has turned into a relationship that's centered exclusively on my daughter. Of course, I want his concern and help in rearing her, but something tells me this isn't normal. Help! -- NOT SELFISH IN GEORGIA

DEAR NOT SELFISH: The "something" that's telling you his behavior isn't normal is your intuition. Please pay attention to your feelings because they are trying to convey something important.

By all means, raise the subject with Rhett, and don't beat around the bush. As it stands your romance is dead in the water. He may have hang-ups about being romantically involved with a woman who has given birth -- or his preoccupation with your daughter could be sexual.

P.S. If your daughter has not already been made aware of the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touching, she is old enough now.

DEAR ABBY: I am 86 years old. My husband died six months ago, after 60 wonderful years of marriage.

As I have been mourning and reliving our life together, my 50-year-old daughter -- my only child -- has informed me that when she was a teenager her father molested her often and raped her one week before her marriage "so she wouldn't be inexperienced," he said. She told me the molestation went on for two years before the rape. (She married at 18.)

Why did she have to tell me now? She says it is because she could no longer stand me talking about how "wonderful" he was. Now my heart is broken, and all I want to do is die.

Why would someone want to ruin your memories after all this time? Wouldn't it have been better to have left me with my illusion than ruin what life I have left? -- HEARTBROKEN IN DENVER

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Better for whom? Your daughter has already tried to answer your question. After all those years of keeping quiet, what broke the camel's back was listening to you idealize your husband. What I don't understand is why your daughter kept silent so long, when she should have told you what was happening when she was 16 -- or told the police what happened when she was 18.

Please don't think I'm heartless, but you and your daughter will both be better off if you try to see your husband as less of a saint and more of a fallible human being, and forgive each other.

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DEAR ABBY: I am in my 60s. My first husband, "Seymour," and I divorced more than 30 years ago. For the last several years, every time I see him, he makes several attempts to "touch" me in some way. Seymour insists on hugging me hello and goodbye, and also tries to kiss me on the mouth. I do not encourage him in any way.

I try to avoid him when the family gathers, but Seymour comes up behind me and attempts to "sneak one in." He will use any situation to touch me in some way. If I reach for a spoon on the buffet table, he will grab my hand and squeeze it.

Seymour and I have both remarried, and my present husband, "Michael," and I are very happy –- thank you very much. But Seymour won't leave me alone. I'm always stressed out when he's around. It is impossible to enjoy myself feeling I always have to keep looking over my shoulder.

Seymour has been invited into our home a few times, for family parties involving the grandchildren. When he comes he adopts a proprietary air and acts as if he is the homeowner. Michael can't stand to be in the same room with him, and I have to watch that situation closely, too.

I have considered having Michael approach Seymour at the next party and ask him to keep his hands off me. But I'm afraid it might lead to an altercation, as Seymour is very confrontational. The reason I left him in the first place was because he was both physically and verbally abusive.

Seymour has told me he still loves me and is sorry for the past. I responded by telling him thank you for apologizing, but I felt his affection was misplaced and should be directed toward his new wife.

Aside from excluding myself from family situations that I know Seymour will be attending, what's my alternative? -- OLDER AND WISER

DEAR OLDER AND WISER: Your ex-husband's behavior could be classified as creepy. After all this time, he is still trying to assert control over you. Talk to Seymour's new wife and tell her how uncomfortable her husband's harassment makes you –- because harassment is what it is.

If that doesn't put an end to it, the next time Seymour grabs you, treat him as you would any other stranger who tried to assault you. Say, "Don't touch me. I don't like it!" And if he persists after that, the person who should be excluded from the family gatherings is Seymour -– not you.

DEAR ABBY: I need some help. The guy I live with, "Arnold," doesn't want to get married, but I do. We have been together for 19 years. What should I do?

Also, I don't love Arnold like I did. Should I try to get back with my first love or what? (It's my former husband.) We were married eight years and had three kids. They are all grown now. -- CAN'T DECIDE IN OHIO

DEAR CAN'T DECIDE: If marriage is what you really want, then you have already devoted far more time than you should have to Arnold. Because you no longer love him as you did, the time has come to make other living arrangements and go on with your life.

If you still care for your former husband, once you are on your own I see no harm in contacting him. However, a lot of water has drifted under the bridge over the last 19 years –- so don't bet that he's still available.

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DEAR ABBY: My mother and father have been separated for four years. They are not yet divorced. A year ago, Dad started dating this woman from another country. She is not a U.S. citizen; she is here on a work visa. Well, she wanted to get married, and Dad never told her that he was still married to my mother. They ended up being married last month. Needless to say, I was not happy to hear about it.

Dad told me he had filed the papers and his lawyer told him it was OK for him to go ahead and get married. I called my mother a few days after the wedding; she has never received any papers regarding a divorce. On his marriage license to this new woman, it says that Dad divorced my mother in 2004. I went to the courthouse, and there is no record that a divorce ever happened.

So my father is married to this new woman and it's not legal. What should I do? Should I tell my mother and get my father in trouble? -- STRESSED IN N. CAROLINA

DEAR STRESSED: Your mother should absolutely be told, so she can consult an attorney and her local police. Your father is guilty of fraud and bigamy, which is a felony. And the poor deluded woman your father is leading to believe is his wife should also be informed. Being given that information now would be far kinder than receiving it when her visa elapses and she must leave the country.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law recently accused my 6-year-old daughter -- her granddaughter -- of stealing jewelry from her. She called me one day and made the accusation. I was stunned at the undertone and the manner in which she approached me. I know for a fact that my daughter did not take anything from her. There were other grandchildren in the house as well.

I told my mother-in-law that I didn't think my daughter had stolen anything, as she was with me the entire time we were there, but that I'd talk to her about it to make sure. My daughter confirmed what I already knew, and I believe her.

My mother-in-law has now called two of my sisters-in-law to tell them that I need to "control that girl" and "that girl is so devious she probably threw the jewelry away to keep from getting into trouble" -- and that if she did, I would cover it up to protect her, which I would never do.

I don't know why she's treating my little girl like this. How should I respond? She has also told my sister-in-law that I'm going to make a "big deal" out of this and "turn her son (my husband) against her." I am hurt and lost and don't know how to handle this. She's bad-mouthing my child to all the family members. -- APPALLED IN HOUSTON

DEAR APPALLED: If you haven't already done so, you need to talk to your husband about this. It might also be helpful to speak to your sisters-in-law. I say this because it is possible that their mother needs to be neurologically and physically evaluated. Among the symptoms of dementia are losing things and paranoia that someone is stealing from the sufferer.

If your mother-in-law is of sound mind, then it is also possible she harbors a resentment toward you for some reason and is now directing it at your child. If that turns out to be the reason for her behavior, then common sense would dictate that you limit your child's exposure to her.

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