DEAR ABBY: I have been cross-eyed my whole life. I have had surgery, worn an eye patch, special contacts, and have worn bifocal glasses ever since I was 2. Now that I am 21, my "lazy eye" is less noticeable than before; however, it still crosses when I must focus on something tiny. It causes me to have severe double vision.

I work in a medical office, where I work hands-on with patients. While doing so, I tend not to wear my bifocals because my eyes only cross when I have to read small print. (And, being only 21, it's incredibly uncool to be wearing Coke-bottle glasses.)

Is there a nice way I can respond when older co-workers ask me to read small numbers at the front desk for them? Because I am younger, they often ask me to bring my "young eyes" to rattle off patient phone numbers. Although they are all aware of my problem, they pester me anyway, even though they know it's hard on my eyes. (The truth is, while they may have poor vision themselves, I am the only one with severe diplopia.)

Is there a nice way to get these old grannies off my back without having double vision for the rest of the day? -- DOUBLE-VISIONED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR DOUBLE-VISIONED: The magic words are, "Sorry, I can't help you. I'm not wearing my reading glasses." Then suggest to the "grannies" that they ask the office manager to buy a large magnifying glass to keep at the front desk.

DEAR ABBY: Ring, ring! Cell phone etiquette question. Certainly there must be some.

Every time I have one particular family member over, she brings her cell phone and normally has the ring tone on loud. Regardless of the volume, her calls always turn into a long, drawn-out conversation with one of her friends or other relatives. The volume of her cell phone isn't what bothers me as much as the fact that her visits are disturbed by her social life.

If it were a call from work, or some emergency she was expecting to hear back about, or even a child that needed attention, perhaps it wouldn't seem so offensive. I have my own phones at the residence but, unless I am expecting an important call, I normally don't answer it when I have guests over.

What can I say to people who think it's OK to take all their calls at my house during our visits, short of not inviting them and their phones into my home? -- "HUNG UP" IN SEATTLE

DEAR HUNG UP: Yours isn't a question about cell phone etiquette as much as it is about basic good manners. Explain to your family member how insulting it is when she carries on long, involved conversations while you sit there. A quick "I'm at my ( )'s, and I'll call you later," is permissible.

You could also post a sign on your front door that reads, "No Cell Phone Zone." Others have done it with some success.

DEAR ABBY: My brother is ticked off at me because I sing songs all the time. I sing a few lines, and he yells, "Stop!" Each time I make a little noise, he also demands that I stop. It seems like everything I do he tries to stop me from doing.

My parents try hard to get him to stop yelling at me, but he won't. I'm getting really frustrated. How can I solve this problem? (I'm 7.) -- FRUSTRATED IN BERKELEY

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Ignore him. The more your brother yells, the louder you sing. And when your parents get tired of the sound of his yelling, they'll figure out a way to put a stop to it. Parents always do.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother says I'm tearing our family apart. On Mother's Day, my 8-year-old daughter teased her 9-year-old cousin, asking who'd like her last bite of dessert. When he said he wanted it, she said, "Just kidding!" My nephew went running into the house wailing like he'd been hit.

I was in the middle of telling my daughter what she did was wrong and she should apologize, when I heard my brother, "Harry," ask my nephew why he was crying. My nephew said my daughter had teased him over the dessert, and Harry said, "Well, she's a little bitch!" I was horrified. My daughter and sister-in-law heard it, too.

When I went inside to talk to Harry, he told me he didn't mean it that way and that he could say anything in his house that he wants. My daughter and I left, and I haven't talked to him since.

He has apologized to my daughter with numerous justifications for what he said, but he hasn't apologized to me for what he called my daughter and the way he talked to me. We have had two family birthdays since then (including another at my brother's), and my daughter and I haven't attended either one. My mother is taking Harry's side, saying I'm too sensitive and the word isn't that bad. Am I wrong to think that calling an 8-year-old a "bitch" is horrible, degrading and uncalled for? -- SISTER OF A TRASH MOUTH

DEAR SISTER: Probably not. But your brother has already apologized to the "injured" party for what he said, and he does not owe you one. I'm voting with your mother. You have already punished yourself and your daughter enough by missing out on the family birthday parties. Enough, already!

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, I became acquainted with a woman I'll call "Julie." We were neighbors and talked often. One day, she confided that she was in a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage. She said she was a prisoner in her own home and didn't know what to do.

To make a long story short, I let myself get sucked in. I trusted her. I helped Julie financially to retain a lawyer and found her and her children a nice place to live through another friend of mine, "Sue." Sue knew of Julie's situation because I told her. She, too, was very kind to Julie.

Not only was Julie always late with her rent (there was no reason for her to be), she broke her lease and lied about why she had to move. My issue is that I unwittingly sucked Sue in for Julie's "cause." I feel terrible and responsible, even though I have apologized to Sue about it. Julie has made no effort to contact us since then.

I recently learned that Julie has "befriended" a prominent single man from church. (She's not yet divorced.) I believe he is getting sucked in the way I was. He has connections and has helped Julie find another job. He has also helped her move. Should I let him know what kind of person Julie really is, or use this as a learning experience, mind my own business and move on? -- CONNED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONNED: Would you keep silent if you knew there was a pickpocket loose in the congregation? You should not only tell the man what your and Sue's experience was with this woman, you should also clue your clergyperson in on the fact that there is a predator loose in his flock. It may not make you popular, but at least your conscience will be clear.

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DEAR ABBY: For nearly 30 years, I believed my marriage to be rock solid. Imagine my shock, disbelief and pain when my husband announced he no longer loved me and wanted out of our marriage. And, although he initially denied her existence, he married the other woman soon after our divorce became final.

With our children grown, there was no reason for us to remain in contact, even though we live within a few miles of each other. From the time he left, my ex made it clear that the break was to be complete. I haven't seen him for years and have never met his new wife.

One of our children married recently and the festivities brought my former spouse and me into contact. We were cordial but restrained in each other's company. Given the years that have passed and the nature of our reunion, I was surprised at the obvious insecurity shown by his wife.

Now he is calling me. His calls always have a purpose, though the reasons are flimsy. They are increasingly warm and friendly. I can't say that I don't enjoy them, but I'm beginning to feel a little uncomfortable about their frequency. I don't know if this is because of my own possible dormant feelings or repugnance at the thought of ever becoming "the other woman."

I asked him if his wife knew he called. He side-stepped giving me a direct answer. Now I'm in a real pickle. It would be nice to have some measure of friendship, but a renewed relationship with my ex also scares me. I can't talk to my children or friends about this. I'd appreciate some advice. -- OLDER BUT NOT WISER

DEAR NOT WISER: You are too wiser! If you weren't wiser, you would not be questioning the situation. How delicious it must be that your ex is now sneaking around on the woman he left you for, and calling you.

My advice is not to give in to the temptation to gloat or allow it to continue. The wife made it clear at the wedding that she's threatened by you. (And probably any other woman!) She's threatened because she knows exactly what he's capable of.

A legitimate, aboveboard friendship isn't possible under these circumstances. So, unless you're bored and looking for drama -- and possibly more pain -- the next time your ex calls, tell him enough is enough. It will save you a world of heartache.

DEAR ABBY: I am a security officer. I started this job only three weeks ago. Yesterday was pretty stressful. I kept my cool because I was dealing with explosives. After three attempts to find out what building they belonged in, this one employee told me "not to get my panties in a bunch."

I told my boss what happened and demanded an apology. It has yet to happen. I am a contract worker. Do I have a right to report this on my own? I know the name of the person who said it.

I had to go to the hospital because my blood pressure was 166/109, and I had pain in my chest and dizziness. Then I had to go back to the doctor the next day for a checkup. What are my rights? -- UNSURE OF WHAT TO DO

DEAR UNSURE: You are within your rights to report what happened, but I can't guarantee the results. However, because of your physical problems, I am recommending that you re-evaluate your career choice. Security work is often stressful, and more stress could adversely affect your health.

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