DEAR ABBY: My husband of three years, "Earl," is an ordained Baptist minister. He will turn 60 this year. He's a diabetic who lives in a fantasy world. We have never slept together; we sleep in separate bedrooms.

Earl is good-looking and women love him. He flirts with waitresses and leaves them big tips from the money I work hard for. He has his own Web site and often comes across singers who want him to promote their music. He has had several love affairs over the Internet.

On our first anniversary, I found out he didn't tell a certain soprano he was married, and she had fallen in love with him. She hit the C above high C when I called to let her know WE had received her sexy pictures. She said Earl had asked her to marry him.

The most recent singer started calling him "Honey" and "Darling," and he was calling her "Sweetheart." She knew he was married. I don't know what lies he told her to make her believe he's available.

I would kick him out and divorce him, but he would die. I have to take care of Earl because his diabetes is so bad he can't walk. I am a nurse. I work away from home 14 days out of the month, 24-hour shifts. I love him, and it breaks my heart when he calls other women "Sweetheart." How can I break him of having these e-mail lovers?

Everything we own was mine before we married. All he had was an old pickup truck and his music. Why can't he appreciate me instead of using me? He says what does it hurt for him to have these affairs? He'll never meet them.

Please tell me what to do. He's committing fraud. And please warn Christian women not to believe every Christian man they meet on the Internet. Tell them to protect their hearts. -- MAXINE FROM TEXAS

DEAR MAXINE: You should heed your own advice, because it appears you and your husband are BOTH living in a fantasy world. He's no Christian, and he should not be operating under the mantle of any church. This man is using you because you allow it. He doesn't appreciate you because he has not, for one moment, thought beyond his own desires -- not with you or any of the women he has led on.

I can't change him and neither can you. You can, however, stop allowing him to take advantage of you. My advice is to get him out of your house and out of your life. If he can survive without you for 14 days out of the month, he won't die. He will find another gullible, good-hearted person to take over where you have left off.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: The FDA has asked me to remind you that pet turtles may be harmful to your children's health. Small turtles are a source of a disease called "salmonellosis" in humans. It's caused by salmonella bacteria, which occur naturally in turtles.

Symptoms may include diarrhea, stomach pain, nausea, vomiting, fever and headache. Symptoms usually begin six to 72 hours after exposure, and generally last two to seven days.

Anyone can get salmonella infection, but the risk is highest in infants and young children, the elderly, and people with lowered natural resistance to disease due to pregnancy, cancer, chemotherapy, organ transplants, diabetes and liver problems.

Readers, if you or your children come into contact with, or handle turtles, be sure to wash your hands thoroughly with soap and water. Sales of turtles with shells less than 4 inches in length have been banned in the United States since 1975 because of the public health impact of turtle-associated salmonellosis.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a shopaholic. I'm constantly shopping the department store sales and thrift shops. It's my "fix" when I'm feeling down or bored. It never used to be this bad. I purchase things and keep it secret from my husband. I don't just buy for me. I also buy for others. I am out of control. It has reached the point where I'm in the hole $4,800.

I never had nice things when I was young, and I tell myself I deserve them. It's like being on a diet and cheating -- I feel guilty every time I do it. The idea of cutting up my credit cards is threatening. I'm sad now, but I'd be really depressed if I had to. I pray every night to stop this cycle, but my prayers go unanswered because I'm not sincere.

I'm a lonely person with few friends. I'm scared and don't know where to turn. Please help me. I can't afford a therapist. -- FASHIONABLY LONELY IN NEW YORK

DEAR LONELY: Please pick up your phone and make an appointment to discuss this with your doctor. Some people become compulsive shoppers because the "rush" it gives them temporarily eases their chronic depression -- and from your letter, I am pretty sure you fall into that category. Medication can help, but it must be prescribed by a physician.

Debtors Anonymous is an international 12-step fellowship that provides mutual help in recovering from compulsive spending. If you contact this group, you will find it provides a phone support network as well as a newsletter, and the primary purpose of its members is to stay solvent and help other compulsive debtors achieve solvency. For more information, write Debtors Anonymous General Service Office, P.O. Box 920888, Needham, MA 02492, or visit the Web site at www.debtorsanonymous.org.

DEAR ABBY: My husband doesn't support anything I do anymore. He thinks I am always wrong, no matter what the situation is. He never takes my part in any circumstance. He took the neighbors' part after an argument that led to me calling the police. He told the neighbors that I was wrong to do it. He has made me look like a fool to the whole neighborhood.

He is always telling me what to do. I never get my way -- it is always his way or no way. I am thinking about leaving him, but I have nowhere to go. I have no job and no place to stay. We have a child together, so I have to provide for him, too. Do you think I have grounds to leave, or should I try to work things out? -- BEATEN DOWN IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR BEATEN DOWN: Make a list of your husband's bank account numbers, Social Security number, driver's license number and his assets. Get a job and start banking your wages in your name only. Then offer your husband the option of marriage counseling.

If he refuses, point out that it would be cheaper for him than alimony. If he still refuses, please consider some sessions with a counselor to figure out why you have tolerated living with someone like him for so long.

And by the way, your husband is required by law to support his child. An attorney can advise you about whether you have "grounds" to end the marriage.

DEAR ABBY: A friend asked me today if dancing with someone other than your partner is considered "cheating." What do you think? -- C.M. IN SCARBOROUGH, CANADA

DEAR C.M.: Dancing with someone other than your partner is not cheating. However, it is considered rude if your partner is left sitting alone.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-something male who is madly in love with my girlfriend. That being said, I do have one concern. She dated a friend of mine for a short while prior to dating me. Their relationship was physically intimate, something I have reserved for only our relationship.

In short, I am having trouble facing my friend.

Can you advise me how to get over my discomfort at the physical nature of their relationship? She was never promiscuous. Her one "indiscretion" happens to be my good friend. -- TRYING TO GET OVER IT

DEAR TRYING: You can overcome your discomfort by recognizing that today many people come with a sexual past, and by not allowing yourself to dwell on it. (If you do, it'll be like pumping air into a balloon until it explodes.)

Your problem isn't unusual. Most people like to fantasize that the partner they have chosen has no sexual history. If you're worried about "comparisons" -- look at it this way: YOU'VE got the girl.

DEAR ABBY: I was shocked and hurt recently when my grandmother wrote me a letter about the level of "disrespect" I supposedly "heaped on her" during a recent visit. I am 37 years old, and while visiting her after the funeral of a relative, I showed her some photographs of me and my fiance.

My fiance is a tall, handsome, African-American man I met and fell in love with two years ago. The "disrespect" she was alluding to in the letter was "because her granddaughter was involved with a black man."

Abby, I was raised to accept people for who they are, lovingly and with respect, regardless of color or ethnicity. I do not want to be disrespectful of my grandmother or hurt her, but my fiance and I were married on April 15 and we are very happy. My question is, can old grandmothers be taught new tricks? -- OFFENDED IN CARTERVILLE, GA.

DEAR OFFENDED: Some can, when they see their grandchild is happy in a stable marriage; others are too firmly entrenched in their biases to change their thinking. Remember, you and she are from different generations, and although mixed marriages are not uncommon these days, they were when your grandmother was growing up.

In your case, I wouldn't count on teaching Granny any new tricks, because her mind appears to be locked tighter than Guantanamo Bay. But hold a good thought.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a small office with four "girls." A fifth girl, whom I'll call "Shirley," takes her break with us. Over the past year, we have all become friendly.

Shirley has a daughter I'll call "Toni." Toni is pregnant, and Shirley is throwing her a shower. We are all invited, even though I am the only one who has met Toni, and only once, briefly. Shirley approached us to ask if any of us are attending the shower, and when we declined the invitation, she proceeded to ask if we would all chip in $10 for a gift from us.

Does this take nerve or what? Any suggestions? -- MORTIFIED IN LANSFORD, PA.

DEAR MORTIFIED: It takes either "nerve" or total ignorance of the social graces. Unless you want to chip in for a group gift, I suggest you also decline that "invitation."

DEAR ABBY: I work in a small office with four "girls." A fifth girl, whom I'll call "Shirley," takes her break with us. Over the past year, we have all become friendly.

Shirley has a daughter I'll call "Toni." Toni is pregnant, and Shirley is throwing her a shower. We are all invited, even though I am the only one who has met Toni, and only once, briefly. Shirley approached us to ask if any of us are attending the shower, and when we declined the invitation, she proceeded to ask if we would all chip in $10 for a gift from us.

Does this take nerve or what? Any suggestions? -- MORTIFIED IN LANSFORD, PA.

DEAR MORTIFIED: It takes either "nerve" or total ignorance of the social graces. Unless you want to chip in for a group gift, I suggest you also decline that "invitation."