DEAR ABBY: I am acquainted with a young man who is 18. His mother is pushing him to marry a young woman from South America so she can stay in the United States. The young lady is an employee at the mother's store. The mother is a very strong force, and I'm afraid he will go along with her plans.

I am sure this kind of thing is done all the time, but if this situation is discovered, what could happen to the young man? Could he go to jail for this? I would hate for him to ruin his life because of his pushy mother.

I would like to present him with all the facts before he commits himself to something this life-altering. If you print my letter, please don't reveal my name or location, as his mother would never allow him to see us again. -- CONCERNED

DEAR CONCERNED: His mother should be ashamed of herself. According to Judge Judith Champagne of the California Superior Court, the name for what you have described is "immigration fraud, and it is a felony that could, indeed, bring jail time." Please warn him that the feds are onto these kinds of shenanigans. "Couples who pretend to be married are called in for an interview and questioned separately about minute details that cannot be faked. Being convicted of a felony could ruin this young man's future, so I strongly advise against taking such a foolish risk."

DEAR ABBY: Please tell me what to do. I was at a birthday luncheon with six other women, and a discussion about female newscasters came up. One of the guests was raving about how wonderful a certain news anchor was, and said, "She has eight children!" Feeling naughty, I said, "That just means she likes gettin' it on!" I realize my comment may have been off-color, but we've known each other 20 years, and I was just mouthing off.

The woman who had brought up the newscaster immediately took great offense and replied, "My mother had eight children!" The lady whose 81st birthday we were celebrating then said, "Your mother must have liked to do it, too." The offended lady told us angrily that she didn't appreciate our remarks.

I was very embarrassed and apologized repeatedly, both for myself and the honoree -- who, I can assure you, meant no harm either. Then I had my lunch packed up, paid my share of the bill, and left.

I told my husband what happened, and he assured me that I had done nothing wrong. The offended woman brought her mother into the discussion, and the lady whose birthday it was made the comment about her mother. I feel ashamed and angry at the same time. The woman ignored my apology and ruined the birthday party.

Can't a group of senior ladies who have been friends more than 20 years share a little spice? Or am I out of step? -- STILL UPSET IN MIDLOTHIAN, VA.

DEAR STILL UPSET: There is an old saying, "Never discuss sex, politics or religion" at parties -- and you unwittingly touched on one (possibly two) of the subjects. Do I think you committed social suicide? No, I think the woman overreacted. Write her a short note apologizing again, and then drop it. Whether she accepts it or not is up to her.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My heart goes out to "Frightened but Curious," who not only had to endure being molested by a high school teacher, but also being ostracized by her peers. May I offer a point she might consider?

From her age, I'm guessing the incident happened 15 or 20 years ago. Back then, that kind of thing was often swept under the rug and not spoken about, which resulted in the ignorant belief that the victims were somehow to blame. Those cruel classmates most likely have children of their own by now, and will probably view her situation from an entirely different perspective. Society today is more enlightened about molestation and who the criminal really is.

Instead of letting what her classmates did all those years ago stop her from attending the reunion, she should go and, if anyone raises the issue, she will probably be pleasantly surprised by their mature and sympathetic attitude. I wish her a wonderful time. -- M.K. IN HOUSTON

DEAR M.K.: I received a ton of mail from supportive readers urging her to go. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I come from a small, rural town in Kentucky. During high school I did not have the easiest time. You see, I am gay. It was widely suspected in high school, and I had my share of teasing.

After graduation I married a girl from my class only to have a daughter and divorce shortly thereafter. At 22, I finally came out of the closet, and shortly after, met the man of my dreams. We've been together more than 16 years and I'm very happy. My daughter, husband and I live together, and my life is better than I ever thought it could be.

As I began planning our 20-year high school reunion, I was able to reconnect with all 120 students from my class. Time has changed us all. Some of the guys who gave me a hard time back then have already apologized, and two of the biggest football players took me aside last week and told me that if anyone "bothered me" at the reunion I should let them know!

We grow up a lot after getting out of the fishbowl of high school. I say, go back. Dance, laugh, catch up with your friends and celebrate your youth. You will be surprised how the "big world" irons out our differences and makes us wise! -- TAB IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: I also had some very cruel classmates in high school, and had similar doubts for different reasons. I was the class "intellectual" and couldn't wait to get away to college, where I was happy for the first time in my life. I had been beaten up and my personal possessions had a way of turning up -- if at all -- in others' lockers. In addition, I was called every anti-Semitic epithet in the book.

My husband and I went to my 20th reunion looking like a million. I organized a get-together that brought several of my best friends back, and we attended as a group. Most important, though, was learning that the worst of my tormentors was dumped just before college graduation by her boyfriend of 10 years, who then married her best friend. She got married on the rebound and couldn't come to the reunion because her husband had given her twin shiners in honor of the occasion. Don't use my name, please. Sign me ... SCHADENFREUDE IN SALEM

CONFIDENTIAL TO PAULINE PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy birthday to the dearest mother in all the world. Watch the sky tonight because all the fireworks are for you!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I need your help with something. My 16-year-old grandson seems to think that all his mother does is stay at home. He conveniently "forgets" that she is a housekeeper, gardener, cook, teacher, nurse, driver and mediator. Could you please print a breakdown of what a stay-at-home wife should be paid? I would love to have a list so I can pass the "bill" on to him. -- VIVIAN IN COLONIAL BEACH, VA.

DEAR VIVIAN: According to the Census Bureau figures for 2004 -- which are the most recent -- there are 36.7 million mothers of minor children in the United States. About one-third of them, 10.8 million, are stay-at-home moms.

According to an article penned by Al Neuharth, the founder of USA Today, in its May 11, 2006, edition, "Salary.com compensation experts estimate that stay-at-home moms work an average of 91.6 hours a week." That's more than double the number of hours the average office worker puts in. He went on to say, "That should be worth $134,121 annually."

He quoted the compensation analysts as figuring the lowest-paying parts of a mother's job are "housekeeper, laundry machine operator and janitor. Higher-paying categories include computer operator, facilities manager, psychologist and CEO." With a 91.6-hour work week, 52 weeks a year, it works out to be $28.16 an hour.

It should go without saying that a mother's love is priceless, so tell that grandson of yours that $28.16 an hour is a real bargain.

DEAR ABBY: I am going through a divorce. It's not that I did not love my almost-ex, but that he was never someone I could depend on emotionally or financially. I'm writing to you because I have become very interested in someone who is dependable and caring, and over the past year I have found we have a lot in common. He is my kids' doctor.

I haven't dated anyone except my husband since I was 18, let alone talked to a guy. So I sent him a letter at his office, and am now having regrets that I did because of the fear of rejection. I must face him again in three weeks. The letter was written with only my e-mail address. I just don't know what to do! I really like this man, and I'm scared to death he'll be upset that I sent the letter. Please help. -- MOMMY IN INDIANA

DEAR MOMMY: The doctor won't be "upset." He will probably be complimented. He may, however, already be married, involved with someone, or gay -- so if your ardor isn't reciprocated, please do not feel personally rejected.

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday, a friend stayed over at my house. When it was time for her to leave, I went to put something in her bag and found a ton of MY stuff in there!

She made up a lame excuse that "someone else" must have put it in her bag. I knew she was lying, and I told her whoever put it there had better speak up and I wouldn't be mad if they confessed -- but she still denied it.

How do I confront her and still keep our friendship? -- CONFUSED IN GREAT FALLS, MONT.

DEAR CONFUSED: You have already "confronted" her, and it only led to more lies. Now it's time to recognize that the girl you thought was your friend is a person who may have some severe emotional problems. Under the circumstances, it's time to re-evaluate your relationship, because I'm not sure you should consider her a friend any longer.

P.S. And always keep a watchful eye on your "stuff" when she's in the vicinity!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)