DEAR ABBY: I recently met a gorgeous woman I'll call "Giselle." After we had dated for a couple of months and became physically involved, she told me she had had gender reassignment surgery and used to be a man! I was, to say the least, shocked and deeply disturbed.

I did not punch out Giselle as I would have liked to -- which brings me to my question. What is the etiquette regarding physically confronting someone like that? Is it the same as hitting a girl? We're roughly the same size. -- DISTRESSED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR DISTRESSED: Because Giselle is now a female, it would, indeed, have been the same as hitting a girl, and I'm glad you restrained yourself. I have a feeling that she was probably more hurt that you stopped seeing her than any physical blow you might have inflicted. As to the "etiquette" regarding hitting her, if you hit someone of either gender, it is assault and battery -- or possibly worse -- and it's a crime that can land you in jail. Be glad you controlled your temper.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, to whom I was happily married for 20 years, has become infatuated and besotted with a certain North American poet, songwriter and entertainer. She talks about him constantly and sings his songs morning, noon and night. Every conversation somehow involves him. She listens exclusively to his music both in the car and at home, and constantly remarks how sexy, attractive and "brilliant" he is. She openly tells me she would have sex with him in a moment. She uses his picture as a screen-saver on her computer at work and is constantly surfing for information about him.

At first, I tried joking about it, then became somewhat angry, and have now given up and stopped objecting. I feel this man has taken over my marriage. My wife says she loves me and adores me, and that I'm being silly, immature and jealous and have to get over it. Please help. -- LOUIS IN HOLLYWOOD, FLA.

DEAR LOUIS: You may be jealous, but the person who is acting silly and immature is your wife. It is one thing to enjoy, admire and be curious about an entertainer. But your wife appears to have become so fixated on this man that she has emotionally abandoned you. Her crack about "having sex with him in a moment" if she got the chance was uncalled for. As far as I'm concerned, your feelings are valid, and she has some fences to mend.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old girl who fell in love with a 19-year-old guy. I care about him very much -- in fact, I love him. He said he cares about me, too, but doesn't want a relationship. I can understand that, but sometimes I feel as if he used me for his own needs. He's not the type of guy who does that, but it crosses my mind.

Now he has moved three states away, leaving me here to rot alone. Should I tell him how I feel, so maybe he will come back? Or do I move on and not find out what I mean to him? -- LOST IN MISSOURI

DEAR LOST: Tell the young man how you feel, but if he doesn't give you the answer you're looking for, please be fully prepared to move on. It would be a mistake to sit around waiting for the person you "think" might be Mr. Right when the REAL Mr. Right could be right in front of you.

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DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from "Edith in Sweden," regarding the American woman who was talking loudly in a restaurant there, thinking no one could understand what she was saying. You commented that Americans need to understand that many people in other countries can understand English. I have had the opposite experience. Foreigners need to understand that sometimes Americans can understand them, too.

My daughter was assigned to NATO security, and while I was visiting her in Italy, the two of us went shopping in a town near Naples. The owner of a pottery shop was talking to a friend as we browsed. My daughter translated the conversation for me, in a whisper. "She's saying she can't stand the Americans and the Brits, and wishes they would leave." The woman then approached us, all smiles, and asked if she could show us something. My blue-eyed, red-haired daughter replied in fluent Italian, "Thank you, but there's nothing in this shop that we could possibly be interested in," and we left. -- AMERICAN MOM, NAPERVILLE, ILL.

DEAR AMERICAN MOM: I don't blame you for leaving -- I couldn't have gotten out of there fast enough, either. The reactions from readers about that letter are amusing and fascinating. Putting a foot in one's mouth appears to be a universal trait. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My son, an 18-year-old college football player of Italian/Irish heritage, was sitting in an airport in Austin, Texas, during a layover. A family from Japan was sitting next to him, complaining about their flight and their food, and finally, that someone nearby smelled bad. My son turned to them and, in perfect Japanese, said, "Yes, something does smell funny." He said they looked at him in shock, got up and literally ran away. He said the same thing your writer did: People shouldn't automatically assume others don't speak their language, even those visiting our country. -- DORIS IN KAILUA, HAWAII

DEAR ABBY: That letter reminded me of an incident in Munich. We were invited to dinner at a nice restaurant by a German friend. Our host, as is customary there, brought along his miniature poodle. As we passed one table, an American woman said loudly to her companions, "I wonder why the Germans always bring their pets to a restaurant?" I leaned over and said, "Probably because they have better manners than some of the people." She was speechless. -- RALPH IN SANTA BARBARA

DEAR ABBY: My mother is from Germany, and I speak German. I vacationed there with my husband, two children, my mother and my in-laws. On the way home, my father-in-law and I went to the flight desk to check in. The woman behind the counter told us our plane had left two hours before! Then, in German, she said to her co-workers that we were stupid Americans, and she'd make us stay another night and take a flight the next day. I replied in German that we were not stupid, and we'd take a flight that day. Her jaw dropped, and her boss came over and ran with us to the next flight. -- CAROL IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR ABBY: Our local paper ran the letter about foreign languages from a woman in Sweden, and your reply, which alluded to "bi-" and "trilingual" people.

If people speak many languages, they are multi-lingual. Three, of course, is trilingual. Two is bilingual. But what would you call a person who speaks only one language? American! -- DAVE IN ST. JOSEPH, MICH.

DEAR DAVE: Not necessarily!

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, when our daughter, Stacy, was in the eighth grade, a contest was held at her school to see if they could win one of the flags that had flown over the U.S. Capitol.

Our daughter, who is now grown, won the prize for the best poem. We thought you might like to print it on Flag Day for your readers to enjoy. We think its message is one that is worthwhile. -- STACY'S PROUD PARENTS IN NEW YORK

DEAR PROUD PARENTS: I agree with you. It is not only worthwhile, I found it touching. Readers, this poem was read into the Congressional Record during the second session of the 89th Congress. Read on:

THE FLAG

(By Stacy Frank, Grade 8)

This flag of red and white and blue

May not mean very much to you.

But as for me this banner flies

And with its mighty voice it cries

Out to peoples far and near

To proclaim our freedom here.

A small beginning, I agree,

But like the acorn to the tree.

Thirteen states we had at first,

But as our country grew, our thirst

For land and freedom did not stop.

That land did well; produced a crop

For countries of the world to share

And then they knew our flag was fair.

And underneath this starry wing

Foreign peoples help to sing

The greatest story ever told,

The story of our country bold.

Of its birth into the world

And of its wondrous flag unfurled.

And over the world there ne'er will stand

The flag of any other land

That will mean as much to me

As this flag of liberty.

DEAR ABBY: I am 19, and I'm wondering if you could give me some information. When I was in high school, one of my teachers told us about a little program where we could write to soldiers -- you know, a comforting letter to let them know there are people out here who support them.

I have moved several times since then and no longer have the address. Today I mentioned it to my grandmother, and she remembered that she had recently seen in your column a Web site to write to our servicemen. Do you still have that Web site available? If so, would you please let me have it? I'd very much appreciate it. -- A FRIEND IN NEED, LAKE HAVASU CITY, ARIZ.

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: I certainly do have it. The Web site your grandmother referred to is OperationDearAbby.net -- and it has been up and running since 2001. If you go there and click on "Send a message," you can send as many messages of support to as many branches of the armed forces as you wish. They will be read by military service members around the globe.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)