DEAR ABBY: I have reason to believe that a young man in my family may be gay. (He is 15.) I have been thinking a lot about it lately, and have been wondering if circumcision would cure it. What do you think? -- GRANDMOTHER IN MISSOURI

DEAR MISSOURI GRANDMOTHER: Homosexuality is not an illness, and therefore there is no need for a "cure." I predict that your family will be happier if you accept your relative exactly the way he is, love him, support him, and stop trying to think of ways to cure him.

P.S. Circumcision is a sacred rite of the Jewish religion. If your theory were valid, then there would be no Jewish homosexuals. And yet, among the successful, gay, Jewish men who are "out" are Harvey Fierstein, Michael Feinstein, Barney Frank and David Geffen -- to name a few. (Oops! And let's not forget Isaac Mizrahi.)

DEAR ABBY: My name is "Alicia" and I'm 16. About a year ago, my mom got two puppies. Although they are annoying, I have to admit they are very cute and adorable.

My problem is, ever since we've had the puppies, I have thought my mom loves them more than she loves my brother and me. For some reason, I feel replaced by them. I know she loves us very much, but it hurts to think she cares more for them than she cares for us. I think that because my brother and I are getting older, she needs something else to love. Sometimes I just want to sit and cry, but I have never been a person to spill my guts out to my parents. Can you give me any advice that would help me with this? -- REPLACED BY DOGS IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR REPLACED: Keeping your feelings locked inside is no way to resolve your problems. Your mother may be an animal lover, but I can guarantee that she loves you and your brother far more than those dogs. However, the person you need to hear it from isn't me -- it's her. So please clip this letter, give it to your mother and tell her you wrote it. You appear to need a long, hard hug and some reassurance, but your mother can't know that unless you tell her.

DEAR ABBY: My friend and I have one teacher who is beginning to scare us. He says things like, "You know I love you," and he tells us how he misses us when we're not in class. He also will come from behind and give us back rubs, put his arms around us and give us an occasional hug.

We have been trying to ignore it because, when we told my mom, she said he probably didn't mean anything and was just trying to be nice. But at a school dance, he gave my friend a kiss on her cheek and put his hands on my waist.

Maybe we're overreacting, but, Abby, we are the only two in our class he does this to. Other teachers have made us sit through videos and read brochures on "improper touching," and we are beginning to wonder. Is he stretching the line? -- CONCERNED STUDENT, PARKERSBURG, W.VA.

DEAR CONCERNED: Your teacher appears to be using very poor judgment. He has not only "stretched" the line, he has crossed it. It's time you and your friend visit the principal of your school. Explain that the man's overly affectionate behavior is making you both uncomfortable, and you are the only two students that it's happening to. If he hasn't been "counseled" about touching students, this teacher definitely needs to be.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 37-year-old married woman with a problem. My mother committed suicide when I was 18, and I have never dealt with my loss. The day after she died, my father bagged up all of her possessions and gave them to charity. I tried talking to him about her, but he told me she was "gone" and I had to move on. I guess I have just put my pain on the back burner all these years.

For the last five years or so, I have been sleepwalking and having horrible nightmares about my mother's death. My husband tells me I carry on conversations with him, but that I am not really "there." I also take baths when I'm technically asleep. On one occasion, I woke up behind the wheel of my truck in my garage. I don't know if I went out driving or not, but the thought terrifies me.

I am afraid I will hurt myself, or possibly others, in my zombie-like state. Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated. -- OUT OF IT IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR OUT OF IT: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the tragic loss of your mother. The first thing you must do is ensure that your husband has the keys to your truck at bedtime.

Then, contact your physician and ask for a referral to a sleep disorder specialist for an evaluation. Some people experience the symptoms you have described as a side effect from certain sleep-aid medications. However, if you are not taking anything, you may have a treatable sleep disorder.

After that, ask your doctor to refer you to a licensed psychotherapist who can help you deal with the emotions you have kept buried all these years since your mother's death. Once your feelings are out in the open, you will be able to deal with them -- and discussing them with a professional will help you more quickly through the process.

DEAR ABBY: I have a good friend, "Cathy," whose 11-year-old son, "Evan," is a friend of my son, "Noah." Evan has always been a name-caller. He constantly uses words like "stupid," "idiot" and "butthead" when talking to my son, but Noah has always laughed it off or told him to cut it out.

Today Noah told me he no longer wants to play with Evan because Evan is such a name-caller. Evan's habit apparently doesn't bother Cathy, since Evan constantly calls his baby sister the same names, and Cathy doesn't seem to notice. She is, however, worried about Evan's socializing at school because no one seems to like him.

How do I approach her about this problem, and mention that her son's name-calling is the reason Noah doesn't want to be with him anymore -- and probably part of the reason Evan is not very popular at school -- without causing discord between us? -- PUZZLED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR PUZZLED: Arrange a private chat with your friend and tell her exactly what you have told me. Love may be blind, but she must be besotted to have allowed her son to verbally abuse his little sister and the other children around him for so long. This is as much her fault as it is her son's. Evan would be a much happier boy if she had curbed his behavior when it began. (I wonder if he watches too much television or is emulating his father ...)

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Last night, on a popular television reality show, the host repeatedly addressed a 70-something-year-old participant as "young man." I have seen it many times before, of course -- young man, young lady, sweetie, dear, etc.

In my opinion, this borders on disrespect, regardless of the good intentions behind it. My parents actually stopped shopping at a local grocery store because the staff was always calling them "young people." They were embarrassed, and I don't blame them.

I know people are trying to be nice, but I wonder how many seniors feel the way my parents do. Can't people extend kindness without being patronizing? -- JENNY IN PASCO, WASH.

DEAR JENNY: Many people feel exactly as your parents do. You would think that people would be more sensitive, but many service personnel in their 20s, 30s, 40s and older make the same mistake. The way to combat it is to speak up when it happens, or, as your parents did, stop patronizing the establishment. (Nothing hits home like a sagging balance sheet.)

One woman I know told me recently how she handled it when a young server in his 20s called her "young lady" as he was taking her order. (She's 50.) Her reply: "Well, little man, I'll have the ..."

DEAR ABBY: I am 11, and there is a boy I like. I'll call him "Cole." He knows I like him, and for Valentine's Day he gave me a necklace and earring set. All my friends, and even my mother, think that we are boyfriend and girlfriend. But I don't know for sure. I think the boy should ask the girl to be his girlfriend before they are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. Am I right or wrong? -- PERPLEXED IN MESQUITE, TEXAS

DEAR PERPLEXED: Sometimes boys are too shy to make a formal request. However, when a boy gives a girl a gift on Valentine's Day, you can be sure it means he has special feelings for her. I vote with your friends and mother.

DEAR ABBY: I am due to have my third baby, delivered by the same doctor who delivered my first two children.

I know some women who, after the birth of their child, have sent flowers to the doctor's office as a thank-you. I also know some women who have given the flowers they received in the hospital as gifts to the nurses' station and delivering doctor.

Is it customary to send a thank-you to an obstetrician, or am I thanking them with my "business"? (And they are certainly paid handsomely for it!) Also, is passing along flowers received in the hospital a traditional thing to do, or is it cheap and tacky? -- EXPECTING IN LYONS, COLO.

DEAR EXPECTING: Leaving the bouquets is not tacky. Many patients leave them for hospital staff to enjoy after they are discharged. Some do it out of gratitude and generosity; others because they don't want the hassle of transporting the flowers.

You are under no obligation to send flowers to your doctor after the delivery. However, after three children, it would be a gracious gesture to write your doctor a note of appreciation for the way you have been treated during your pregnancies and deliveries. Money is no substitute in conveying that message.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)