DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Married? In Arkansas," who found to her dismay that her husband was still married to his first wife, I thought I should write. It happens more than people would like to think.

I have worked for more than 10 years on a divorce court staff, and I would advise all divorced people -- male and female -- to request a certified copy of their divorce decree. This official document is available from the courthouse in which they were divorced.

I know of at least two instances where the lawyers failed to submit the decree of divorce to the judge. It was only discovered more than a decade later. In the first instance, as part of the property settlement, the husband was going to buy out his ex-wife's interest in the former marital home. The provision was triggered by the youngest child turning 18. The mortgage company needed a copy of the divorce decree to refinance the mortgage. Surprise -- both the husband and wife had remarried! They had to go through another divorce proceeding. (It was probably more amicable than the first.) But they were humiliated, not to mention furious at the attorney. Then they had to "remarry" their current spouses.

The second incident was very sad. The parties' son was killed in an accident. In the process of filing a wrongful death action, a copy of their divorce decree was needed. That's when they learned their case had been dismissed for "failure to prosecute." Again, the attorney had not filed the judgment, even though the parties had appeared in court and testified.

Please, Abby, tell your readers if they have gotten a divorce and do not have a certified copy of their divorce decree, to get one now. Most attorneys are hard-working and honest. But it never hurts to have insurance, and this is some of the cheapest insurance they'll ever get. -- CONCERNED COURT REPORTER

DEAR CONCERNED: I'm sure your letter will raise some eyebrows, but you have offered some good advice, and I hope my readers will pay attention to it.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me. I'm 14, the oldest of four children. The second youngest is "Rose." She's 8 and was the baby of the family until about three years ago, when Mother became pregnant. Needless to say, Rose was not happy with the news. When we were told a few months later that the baby would be a girl, Rose cried and said she wanted a boy. Then, when baby "Claire," was born, Rose had a temper tantrum because she wasn't the baby anymore. Rose had been so used to being doted on and getting everything she wanted -- and here came this new baby.

Now Rose is continually abusing Claire. She will scream at Claire for just moving something out of place. For instance, Rose was dancing to some music in the family room, and Claire came in with a laundry basket. Rose went nuts. She turned and screamed, "Get out! I'm dancing, you idiot!" Then she went and gave Claire the biggest slap on the shoulder! Claire went crying to Mom and said Rose hit her, but Rose denied it, even though I was there and witnessed everything.

Is this jealousy, or something else? -- STUNNED IN BILOXI, MISS.

DEAR STUNNED: It's jealousy -- and that kind of sibling rivalry goes all the way back to Cain and Abel. I hope you told your mother what really occurred, because your mother's work is cut out for her. Not only does she have her little one to tend to, she is going to have to give Rose more attention. It will alleviate some of her jealousy and also ensure that Rose cannot act out -- and lie -- without punishment.

I recommend that your mother involve Rose in a special activity -- something that is just for her -- so she can feel "special" again. She's an angry little girl, but she cannot be allowed to continue abusing her little sister.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: May is National Foster Care Month, a time when we celebrate the thousands of foster care parents who play a vital role in helping children, youth and families in crisis to heal. The commitment of these families leaves an indelible mark. They are helping to end cycles of physical abuse, neglect and substance abuse, often enabling a child to be the first in his or her family to go to college.

An example of this commitment and advocacy is a foster parent named Corinne, who, in spite of almost overwhelming odds during Hurricane Katrina, kept her three foster children together in shelters until they could resettle in a new home.

We hope that your readers will join the National Foster Parent Association in showing appreciation and support for every foster parent -- especially during May. While not everyone can be a foster parent, everyone can support foster care. -- KAREN JORGENSEN, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, NATIONAL FOSTER PARENT ASSOCIATION

DEAR KAREN: Thank you for pointing that out. There are many ways we can lend support and influence the lives of young people who -- through no fault of their own -- are in the foster care system. Readers can:

-- donate goods, suitcases, books, games, computers, sports equipment, musical instruments, clothing and school supplies to young people in foster care.

-- learn about how policy, legislative and budget priorities affect children and youth in foster care.

-- mentor a young person. Research shows that children and youth with mentors earn higher grades and improve their relationships with friends and families.

-- help young people in foster care organize a youth leadership or support group.

-- send "care packages" to foster care alumni attending college, and/or become a "virtual" mentor for a young person in college by lending emotional support as an e-mail/online pen pal.

-- become a foster or adoptive parent. Caring families are especially needed for older youth, siblings and children with special needs.

-- explore how your organization or business can encourage people in your community, or your employees, to become involved.

-- support affordable housing options for young people making the transition from foster care -- a critical time in their lives.

-- become a licensed respite care provider as a way of providing support to foster parents in your neighborhood.

-- become a Court-Appointed Special Advocate. CASA volunteers are trained citizens appointed by judges to represent the best interests of abused and neglected children.

-- recognize and honor a foster parent in your community. Write a letter to the editor of your local newspaper in praise of someone who is making a difference in the life of a child in foster care.

Visit www.fostercaremonth.org -- an excellent Web site -- to learn more about how each of us can make a difference and change a life.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am happily married with a great wife. I also have a platonic female friend, "Tina," I have known for many years and who suffers from depression. She and I have been getting together for the last few months over tea, and I usually let her air what's on her mind in an effort to alleviate her depression.

We also go for walks occasionally and sometimes hold hands. I feel guilty doing this, but there is absolutely no threat at all of us ever becoming intimate. I worry that if I don't befriend Tina she might commit suicide, which would make me feel terrible. I also worry about being seen in her company by one of my wife's friends and the whole thing becoming a big misunderstanding. I value Tina's friendship, but also do not want to jeopardize my marriage. What should I do? -- BEWILDERED IN RENO

DEAR BEWILDERED: First of all, recognize your limitations. If you sincerely believe Tina is so depressed that if you stop holding hands with her during your walks she might end her life, then please urge her to get professional help. She would be better served if she was "airing what's on her mind" with a therapist who can counsel her and possibly give her medical treatment for her illness -- because that's what depression is, an illness.

It's all right to stand by your friend in her time of need, but if your alarm bells are going off and you're getting "nervous about being seen," then you are, perhaps, seeing her too often and getting closer than you should, both physically and emotionally. Please think about it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 10 years to a man who just doesn't take work seriously. It seems he'd rather that I work than he. He has been on workers' comp twice and just got off again after three years. He works when he wants, just enough to get by -- pretty much burdening me with the bills.

I have an opportunity to board where I work this year. It is quite a ways away, and the season lasts six months. My husband threatens to kick me out if I do. To be honest, I think he just wants me here to pay the bills.

Oh, and he abuses me, too, so I feel leaving would be good for me all the way around. Please tell me what you think. -- GLAD FOR A WAY OUT IN NEW YORK

DEAR GLAD: Your husband isn't going to "throw you out" -- you should be so lucky! Take the job and, while you're apart, file for divorce. Ten years of abuse is enough.

DEAR READERS: Sunday, May 21, 2006, marks the beginning of Remembrance Week, leading up to the observance of the National Moment of Remembrance, established by Congress to occur at 3 p.m. (local time) on Memorial Day. This year, the public is invited to a historical tribute, "A Time of Remembrance," which will take place at noon on the 21st on the grounds of the Washington Monument in Washington, D.C. It will honor our fallen from the conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq and their families. We want them to know that their fellow Americans care about their great loss and the sacrifice of their loved ones.

A wise man once said: "Like a breath to the human body, remembrance makes the spirit live." The greatest gift we can give to our fallen and the loved ones who survive them is the gift of remembrance.

In the words of Carmella LaSpada, director of the Commission on Remembrance: "We hope our tribute on May 21 will comfort the families who gave their hearts to our country."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)