DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old single father of one. Recently, for the first time in my life, I came into contact with my biological father, whom I have never known. The reason for this is my mother hid the facts from me. Even with the local school district providing some information, as well as his own parents, I could never get any details out of the one person who should have been the first to offer them -- my mother. She does not know I have been in contact with my biological father, and neither does the man who raised me.
I want to let them know what is going on without hurting their feelings. I don't want "Dad" feeling like I have turned my back on him after 25 years of his being there for me. On top of all this, my son, who is 6, has been asking me about his own mother. (I won sole custody.)
My mother says he "doesn't need to know about the incubator." I think he deserves to know the truth -- just as I did. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated. -- DECADES OF CONFUSION IN N.Y.
DEAR DECADES: It is time to speak up and inform your mother and stepfather that you and your biological father have reunited. At the same time, let them know that you wish to spare your son the pain and confusion you experienced because "the facts" were hidden from you. You are the child's father, and your wishes should prevail. The sooner he is told the truth, the easier it will be to accept.
P.S. The fact that you are in contact with your birth father does not mean that you are ungrateful or "turning your back" on anyone. Please do not make your mother and stepfather's insecurities your problem. Family counseling may be your next logical step.