DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Larry," walked out on me 13 months ago for "Crystal," a woman who had slept with one of our sons as well as my niece's husband. I was devastated. I begged him to come back, but he said no, so I filed for divorce. It became final in January.

Now Larry says he made a big mistake and wants me back, so I told him to call Crystal on the phone in front of me and repeat to her what he had just told me -- that he was with her only to spite me. He refused. He said he never talked bad about me to her, and he always told her he wanted to come back to me. I don't believe it. I think Larry wants to come home only because Crystal's husband drove up unannounced on Thanksgiving and caught him at her house. I think he realizes it's over for them because Crystal's husband isn't about to leave her alone.

Should I drop this man after more than 27 years of marriage? Is it too much to ask him to confront her? Because, as it stands, Crystal thinks he'll continue to come and see her. -- STILL DEVASTATED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR DEVASTATED: He's already "dropped." You made your decision -- a sound one, by the way – when you divorced him. It's not "asking too much" that he prove his sincerity by confronting the woman he left you for. His refusal should dispel any lingering doubts in your mind. You will be happier if you celebrate your freedom and go on with your life without looking back.

DEAR ABBY: After two years of dating, my boyfriend, "Dan," and I have become engaged. Dan was married before and has two beautiful daughters, ages 5 and 10. I have no children of my own, so it has been a blessed, but sometimes bumpy road, accepting them into my life.

For the most part, the girls and I get along well, but there is one issue that really bothers me. When we have the girls, the 10-year-old, "Kelsey," frequently parades around in her underwear, or attempts to sleep only in her underwear. I feel she's too old to be doing this. I bought her several sets of pajamas to sleep in, thinking it would solve the problem.

Last night I caught her in only her underwear again. I told Dan it bothers me, and his response was, "She's only 10." Abby, Kelsey is old enough to be going through puberty, so to me she is too old to go around without proper clothing. And even though she is an undeveloped 10-year-old, I explained to Dan that I want his daughters to grow up respecting themselves and their bodies. (I have also told this to Kelsey.)

I fear that Kelsey does this at her mother's and other relatives' homes. Their mother isn't the most respectable person and, sad to say, was raised to be "trashy." I am trying to be a positive influence in these children's lives. I would like them to turn into proper young ladies with good morals and values. Am I wrong? -- UNOFFICIAL STEPMOM IN TEXAS

DEAR UNOFFICIAL STEPMOM: Yes, although well-intended, I think you are. Kelsey sleeps in her underwear because that's the way she's used to sleeping and she's comfortable that way. It will have no effect on the degree to which she "respects herself and her body" unless you turn it into a power struggle.

Because you feel she's too old to be walking around in her underwear, you're within your rights to ask her to put on a robe. But if you want to teach the children good morals and values, the way to do it is to stop nagging, set a good example, and refrain from making nasty comments about their "trashy" mother.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am married to a man I'll call "Chad." We have had a few rough years since our child came along. We went to counseling as long as Chad's parents paid for it, and even tried talking to the pastor of our church. Not a whole lot has changed.

I know you recommend counseling for married people in trouble, but what do you suggest for those of us who can't afford it? -- TRYING TO MAKE IT IN TUCSON

DEAR TRYING: A program that has been mentioned before in my column, and has enjoyed much success, is Retrouvaille, which started in Canada in 1977 and is now offered in many countries. It is Catholic in origin and orientation, but is open to all married couples regardless of religious background.

Retrouvaille consists of a weekend, followed by a series of 12 presentations over the following three months. It is not a spiritual retreat, a sensitivity group or a seminar. During the Retrouvaille program, which is run by three married couples and a priest, the "team couples" -– all of whom have experienced disillusionment, pain, anger and conflict in their own marriages -– share their personal struggles, reconciliation and healing. For more information on programs in your area, call toll-free: (800) 470-2230 or visit � HYPERLINK "http://www.retrouvaille.org" ��www.retrouvaille.org�.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "George," died seven months ago, after a four-month battle with esophageal cancer. He was the oldest of six siblings. We all got along well. My three children and I are grateful to both of our families for all the help they gave us throughout George's illness.

My problem is George's brothers, sisters and their families. They have dropped us from their lives. I know they are grieving for their brother. My children and I are grieving for him, too. They say it's "too hard to see us" because there are too many memories.

Abby, I like being with George's family because they remind me of my husband. I don't sit around talking about him all the time, and I don't expect them to do that either. I guess what I'm looking for is a feeling of still belonging. I'm not talking about wanting to be with these people 24/7, just maybe seeing them once every two or three weeks. We all live close to each other.

Losing my husband was devastating, but losing his family makes it ever so much worse. How do I get them to see I need to stay in the family "loop"? -- GEORGE'S WIFE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR WIFE: Please accept my sympathy for your loss. You didn't mention how often you saw your in-laws before your husband's death, or what demands there are on their time. However, families are made up of individuals, and it would be interesting to know which of your husband's siblings expressed that it is "too hard to see you," whether they all feel the same way, or if one person was speaking for all of them.

While it may not be possible to remain close to all of your husband's brothers and sisters, it may be possible to stay close with some of them. At the same time, please consider enlarging your social circle. Volunteer work is an excellent way to do that if you have the time. It will also give you less time to dwell on your loss.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old male. Ever since I was in middle school, I have been dealing with the possibility that I might be a homosexual. Today I no longer think it's a "possibility." I know it's a fact.

For years, not a day has gone by that I have not had homosexual thoughts and urges. I have dated a few females to try to "change," but those attempts have been unsuccessful.

I am depressed, confused and angry with myself. I am becoming reclusive. I have withdrawn from most of my classes in college, and I don't want to socialize with people. Sometimes I think my life is over before it ever began.

I come from a religious family in south Georgia who believe that homosexuality is a sin and God will punish gays. In my part of the country, homophobia is everywhere. If I ever told anyone what I am feeling, I could never show my face around here again.

I keep asking myself whether or not my life would be better if I told people that I am a homosexual. I am beginning to believe that if I come out, my life would be better. I'd do it now, but I couldn't stand that my family would be disappointed with me -- and I don't want to lose what friends I have left. I also can't bear the thought that my religious community would condemn me. What would you do if you were in my situation? -- CONFUSED IN GEORGIA

DEAR CONFUSED: If I were you, I'd accept that my life wasn't working and I'd probably come out. However, I am NOT you. If you come out to your family and friends, it's important that you understand that you will change. It will be better, but it will also be different. How close can any of these people really be to you if they don't know who you are?

Before making up your mind, I urge you to go online to � HYPERLINK "http://www.lgbtcenters.org" ��www.lgbtcenters.org� and locate some gay and lesbian centers where you can get counseling. (Atlanta might be a good place to start.) You can't hide forever. With emotional support, taking such a big step will be easier.

P.S. Eventually it might be better if you move to a more diverse community to complete your education and begin your new life.

DEAR ABBY: I have a delicate problem concerning my daughter-in-law, "Sheila," and my 1-year-old grandson, "Cary." I consider Sheila to be an unfit mother. Her house is filthy, including the kitchen. She allows Cary to eat cat food when he crawls around on the dirty floors.

Sheila has been giving Cary various medications since he was only a week old. When he would cry, she would give him drops to relieve "the gas." Next, it was a gel for his teething ailments when he was only 3 months old -- she still gives it to him three times a day. She has also been giving him Tylenol every day "to help him sleep."

Abby, our grandson is beginning to look a bit yellow, and we're afraid he may have some liver damage. We're afraid to speak out because we don't want to cause a rift in the family. I have considered writing a letter to his pediatrician, but I'm not sure it would be taken seriously. What can we do? -- WORRIED SICK IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WORRIED SICK: You are justifiably concerned about your grandson's safety and welfare, so pick up the phone and call Childhelp USA. All calls are confidential, and your anonymity will be preserved. The number to call is (800) 422-4453. It's a 24-hour toll-free helpline, and the people who man those phones can help you report what's happening to the proper authorities in your state. You may also log on to � HYPERLINK "http://www.childhelpusa.org" ��www.childhelpusa.org�.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)