DEAR ABBY: I have an enormous problem and need a woman's input, and that's you. I realized recently that I have abused my wife, "Doreen," for years.

I never hit her and I never cheated, but I had many frustrations inside and I took them out on her verbally. I never realized what I was doing to her emotionally. A few months ago, it happened again -- I yelled at her. After a weekend of crying, Doreen came to the conclusion that she didn't need the aggravation anymore. Our marriage is in deep trouble.

Abby, Doreen is my life. I worship her, I really do. I love her and I'm IN love with her. I always have been and I always will be. I'm seeing a counselor. It is going well, and Doreen has agreed to go, too, both alone and with me.

Although we have been intimate recently, she shows me very little affection or attention, and says very little to me. I understand she needs time and her own space, and I'm trying hard to give that to her, but she means so much to me that I want to be around her as much as possible. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. My doctor told me I am clinically depressed. I need her back in my life, but even more, I need to be back in HER life and heart. I am anxiously awaiting your reply. -- HEARTBROKEN IN N.Y.

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: When people are diagnosed as clinically depressed, it means their brain chemistry is out of whack. Before you can heal your marriage, you will have to heal yourself because your depression -- and not your frustration -- may have been the cause of your ugly outbursts. I understand that you feel awful right now, but it may be necessary to reorganize your priorities.

Pushing and crowding your wife out of your own insecurity is unwise. Although you may not realize it, being beaten down can be as damaging to the target as being beaten up. In fact, the effects can be more long-lasting if the person is told repeatedly that he or she doesn't measure up.

Your wife's feeling for you may not be dead as much as completely numbed. She's cooperating to the best of her ability by seeing your therapist -- and that's a hopeful sign. Your best bet is to do everything you can to make yourself better, listen to your therapist, and take your relationship with Doreen one day at a time.

DEAR ABBY: In a few months, some good friends of mine will be getting married. I am in the bridal party. The problem is, my ex-fiance is one of the groomsmen. My ex and I did not break up well, nor have we had any contact since I moved out.

Because my ex is not the best man, I don't really need to deal with him during the coming months or during the wedding. However, I'm afraid it might be uncomfortable for me during such things as the reception dinner, the picture-taking, etc.

I don't want to distress the bride and groom, not this close to the wedding. How should I handle it if he should make things uncomfortable, other than as politely as possible? -- CONCERNED IN TROY, N.Y.

DEAR CONCERNED: I'm sure the bride and groom are well aware of the circumstances of your breakup. Therefore, it would not be out of line to suggest to whoever is handling the seating at the reception that you would prefer not to sit near our former fiance. Be cordial in your interactions with him, but don't linger or allow him to start a serious conversation, and you should be able to make it through the occasion without a scene.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR READERS: Today is April Fools' Day, and in honor of the occasion, I thought I'd share with you some unusual letters I've received. Anyone who reads my column knows that letters can be funny because of the content, but sometimes they are also amusing because of the spelling. Cross my heart, these are all real. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am 18 years old and I have a 6-month-old child. If you're thinking that I wasn't ready for that, you are correct. But I agreed to try my hardest at being a father.

Recently, though, rumors of my ex-girlfriend cheating on me reached my ears. By the time I heard, we had been broken up for nearly three months. Rumors of the child not being mine have also gotten back to me.

I am taking one of those maternity tests in May, and if the results come out negative, the child might not be mine. How should I talk to my ex if the child isn't mine? I'm worried about confronting her. -- WORRIED IN MONTANA

DEAR WORRIED: If the results are negative, it may not be necessary for you to confront her. In fact, it might be better if your lawyer did it for you. (The consultation may be expensive, but believe me, it will be worth every penny.)

DEAR ABBY: My brother is bipolar and sometimes says and does things that are off-the-wall. He thinks someone steals his whole-kernel corn and leaves the cream-style.

To make a long story short, I keep missing whole-kernel corn from my pantry, and I know who's doing it as a practical joke. But how do I handle the situation without coming across as crazy? -- JOANN FROM TEXAS

DEAR JOANN: Buy frozen corn -- and hope the guilty party doesn't check your freezer.

DEAR ABBY: I have a sister-in-law, "Mary." We have known each other for years. Mary lives in California, but she often sends us e-mail, and each time she does she always misspells my name as "Ritha." (My name is Rita!) I have tried pointing this out, but she continues to do it. How can I make it clear that my name is spelt Rita without appearing too rude? -- RITA IN NEW YORK

DEAR RITA: Because you have already spoken to your sister-in-law about it, you might be able to get your message across if you start spelling her name "Marye" or "Marey." Or, you can decide that what's in the message is more important than how your name is "spelt." I recommend the latter.

DEAR ABBY: This is a warning for any visitor to Illinois who is unfortunate enough to use the rest stops -- DON'T!

In case you find it absolutely necessary, here are some tips: Be prepared! Bring your own toilet paper. You can hook it on the door on the purse hanger. A bucket, some cleaning solution and a mop would also be convenient if the person ahead of you was not considerate.

In addition, I believe the women of Illinois should bring their used catalogs and newspapers and supply these ladies rooms for the unfortunate and unprepared. Since someone in this state is of an "outhouse" mentality, it would temporarily ease the problem.

I know the governor is trying to save money, and probably some fool thinks this is the answer. May the guilty party be cursed by desperately attempting to remove enough toilet paper and be rewarded with a square inch -- as I was! -- OUTRAGED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR OUTRAGED: I'm printing your plea and your warning. But if anyone in the administration is trying to save money by skimping on toilet paper in the women's rest rooms, I can tell you this -- it's not a woman.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Lulu" moved in with a man I'll call Al a year and a half ago, telling us this was the man she was going to marry and spend the rest of her life with. So my husband and I welcomed him to the family.

They now have a baby, and still there has been no wedding. Al came to us eight months ago to ask our permission to ask Lulu to marry him. We consented. He appears to have had convenient memory loss about asking and -- without going into details -- has proven himself to be extremely self-centered, controlling, and a negative influence on what was once our happy, outgoing daughter.

We now realize that Al is someone we don't care to have in our family, and we'd like to know how (if it's possible) to rescind our blessing on their marriage. -- CHANGED OUR MINDS DOWN SOUTH

DEAR CHANGED OUR MINDS: If I were you, I wouldn't raise the subject of marriage with Al at all. Your daughter's lover appears to be in no hurry to make any trips to the altar. Do, however, "mention" to your daughter that you had hoped she'd find a husband who would cherish her and make her happier than Al seems to have. Be sure to let her know that if she changes her mind about him, you'll welcome her back home with open arms. That way, she'll know she still has a choice.

DEAR ABBY: My problem is that my mother is a control freak. I was raised to respect my parents, but I have just about had it with her controlling ways. She wants to dictate my hair length, color and style, my weight, my love life, what car I drive, what job I have and where I live.

My mother wants me to date only doctors. She has even threatened to cut me out of her will if I "settle" (her word) for someone who doesn't have a medical degree. I was interested in a man who owned his own business, but she made me so miserable that I simply stopped dating.

I want to respect her because she is my mother, and I know she loves me. Can you help me figure out how to get her to back off and let me live my life my way? By the way, I am 41. -- PEACEFUL REBEL IN OHIO

DEAR PEACEFUL REBEL: I'll try. Start by talking with a licensed mental health professional, preferably one who specializes in helping young adults to "individuate" from controlling parents. Once you have a firm grasp of who you are, and what your proper boundaries are, you will be able to confront your mother. After that, you may want to consider relocation, because your mother is off the charts, and she's not likely to change.

DEAR ABBY: I'm planning to host a dinner party next month and invite a few of my friends. I plan for this to be a "girls' night." (We are all between 18 and 23.)

My problem is that most, if not all, of my friends live with their cell phones attached to their ears! As can be expected, most of the calls have to deal with boy drama. I'd like for the evening to be free of all that. How can I politely let my guests know that I'd prefer they don't answer calls at the dinner table? -- POLITE HOSTESS-TO-BE IN TEXAS

DEAR HOSTESS-TO-BE: When you issue the invitations, tell your friends it will be a cell phone-free, ladies-only dinner party. Then, if anyone brings one, you're within your rights to ask her to turn it off, and no one should be offended. (It's called "heading them off at the pass"!)

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)