DEAR ABBY: My mother is married to a pervert I'll call "Harry." He has destroyed our family. Harry has made sexual comments to my sister and me about our bodies until we finally moved out of our mother's home when we reached 18. His behavior stopped for a long time, until my daughter, "Allie," began to develop. After she turned 11, the sexual comments started again. Harry also began calling her names, and saying that if she were his daughter he would slap her mouth.
It has reached the point that we no longer visit Mother nor do we attend family functions. At the last one we attended, Harry kept staring at Allie and following her around. It made her sick to her stomach, so we went home.
My grandmother died last December. She was very ill the last six months, but we would see her only when she was in the hospital because Mother and Harry live in the house next door to hers, and he kept showing up when I was there.
Now my grandfather is all alone. I'd like for my children and me to be able to visit, but again -- Harry is always there. I have tried talking to my mother, but it's one excuse after another. I had hoped she would have a relationship with her grandchildren, but we can't invite her to our home for a picnic or a party because she won't come without him. Please help. -- HEARTSICK IN BUFFALO
DEAR HEARTSICK: If your grandfather isn't already aware of the problem with Harry, he should be told. You do not have to visit him at his house; you can pick him up and take him out for a meal or take him to your home. If you haven't already resigned yourself to the fact that your mother isn't going to have a relationship with your children, please rethink the wisdom of her having one. You have described a woman who tolerated the sexual harassment of her two daughters and grandchild. She made her choice long ago, and you are all better off keeping your distance from her and her husband.