DEAR ABBY: My mother has eight grandchildren. Four are mine; four are my sister's. One, however, is her obvious favorite. She spares no expense when it comes to my sister's oldest son, "Johnny." She buys him extravagant gifts, praises him constantly, and hands him large sums of money in front of the other children -- often making a big deal out of presenting it to him.

Last Christmas, she insisted that all the children come and sit around Johnny as she presented him with a $100 bill. When we're out together in public, she will say to perfect strangers, in front of all the children, "I love all my grandchildren, but I have special feelings for Johnny. We have a special relationship that I don't have with the others." My children are hurt by her actions and comments.

When the children were younger, I could disguise her favoritism, but as my children have grown older, they are very aware of her feelings and actions. When my sister and I confronted Mother about it, she cried, said she wouldn't listen to such "hateful lies," then stormed from the room. Is there a way to help my mother see what she's doing to our family, or should I just protect my children from her abuse by staying away from her? -- PROTECTIVE MOM IN TEXAS

DEAR MOM: You and your sister should have formed a united front and put a stop to this years ago. As it stands, your mother has already alienated seven out of her eight grandchildren, and understandably so. If you're asking for my permission to protect your children from your mother's obsession with their cousin, you have it. And your sister should follow your example.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of two children ages 7 and 4. In a recent child development class, there was a discussion about sex education for small children. My professor mentioned that if children aren't asking questions about sex, we should initiate talks with our children. She also said that children should have the sex talk by 8 years old. Is this correct?

I can't imagine talking to my children about sex at such an early age. What's the best age to have the sex talk, and is there a limit on how much we should talk about? -- SYLVIA IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SYLVIA: Much depends upon the level of maturity of the child, which can vary from individual to individual. Parents should certainly use correct terminology when talking about body parts. It's best to arm children with knowledge before their hormones kick in. I agree with your professor that by age 8 or 9, some discussion of puberty should be introduced. If you wait much longer, your children will hear "the facts" from their friends instead of from you, and too often, the information they receive from peers is incorrect.

DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, I found out that I am biologically unable to father a child. My wife and I looked into several options and chose to go with an anonymous donor.

How would you suggest I handle comments like, "That baby looks just like you," or "She has your eyes." Because our baby will be a girl, I was thinking of something like, "I hope not -- she'll never get a date looking like me." Any other suggestions? -- FATHER-TO-BE

DEAR FATHER-TO-BE: When someone comments that the baby resembles you, stick with the tried-and-true. Smile and say, "Thank you!" It's all that's required from any proud papa.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Russell" and I have been living together for two years. (We met three years ago.) The problem is his "best friend," "Whitney." I didn't have a problem with her until last October. They have been e-mailing back and forth, and I have discovered some things in those e-mails I'm not comfortable with.

Russell uses my pet names with Whitney and says he would be "lost" without her and that he "loves" her. Whitney constantly has one crisis after another and needs to come over, even if she knows it's the only day Russell and I have off together. I have confronted him about this without confessing that I read his e-mails. He insists that he loves Whitney like "the sister he never had." But when she talks about her new boyfriends, he seems upset. And when she leaves from her visits, he gets depressed.

Russell and Whitney dated back when they were teens, and she insists he's like a brother. I just find it odd that if she calls and wants to come over, he'll drop any plans we have. I also find it odd that he tells her he loves her so often. I feel like I'm being replaced.

I know they aren't having sex, but their e-mails suggest that he's cheating on me emotionally. I love Russell and don't want to lose him, but I can't handle this anymore. We have talked about this over and over. Russell insists that he loves me and doesn't want to break up. However, I read an e-mail in which he said, "... even if I wanted to break up with her, I couldn't financially." That about killed me. Please help me. -- DEVASTATED IN IOWA

DEAR DEVASTATED: It appears Whitney is carrying a torch for Russell, and he has a soft spot for her, too. That he changes plans with you when she needs to lean on him, and gets depressed when she leaves, is not encouraging. However, that he uses the same pet names for you both could simply indicate a lack of imagination.

My advice is to stop hiding the fact that you have seen the e-mails and clear the air. I am willing to bet that the e-mail from which you quoted was in reply to Whitney's question, "Why don't you break up with her?" His answer indicated that he didn't want to end your relationship. Make the e-mail Exhibit A, tell him you "snooped" because you feel threatened, and then cross your fingers. Russell's response will tell you where you -- and your relationship -- stand with him.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to you to alert your readers to ALWAYS check their prescriptions while they are picking them up at the pharmacy. I was given two new prescriptions today. I had already taken one twice when I discovered that the pills in both bottles were the same.

I immediately called the pharmacy and was told that a new pharmacist had made a mistake. Not knowing what the pills were supposed to look like, I never questioned that the prescriptions were correct. I am grateful that it was "only" the anti-inflammatory drug that got mixed up. The second prescription was a muscle relaxant.

Some pharmacies print (much too small) the type and quantity of the pills on the label. But to be on the safe side, always open and check the contents of your pill container while you are at the pharmacy. -- NATALIE IN MECHANICSBURG, PA.

DEAR NATALIE: I'm pleased to pass along your reminder, because I have had a similar experience. It never hurts to check, and the optimum time to do it is when you receive your prescription.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I weigh 327 pounds. I'm 5 feet 11 inches tall, and I carry it better than most. I'm trying to diet to improve my health, but I crave sweets.

I am employed as a receptionist. My desk is behind an L-shaped counter, which is eye level above my computer screen. My boss insists on putting a candy dish right above my computer monitor, directly in front of me. I have tried moving it to the ends of the counter, out of my range of vision, and I have tried placing it on the end tables in the reception area, but he moves it back again.

Abby, my boss is a small person. If he was a girl, he'd be called "petite." He doesn't battle weight like I do, nor does he seem to crave sweets the way I do. I sometimes work 10 or 12 hours a day, and it's torture. I have talked to him about it, and he just laughed. I need my job and can't afford to lose it. Do you have a clever way I can get the point across? -- CONSTANTLY TEMPTED IN CANTON, OHIO

DEAR TEMPTED: The real problem, however, isn't your boss; it is your compulsive eating. An organization that has been mentioned in my column before -- Overeaters Anonymous -- could give you support and help for the problem. Over the years it has helped thousands of men and women overcome the compulsion to binge. There are more than 8,000 OA chapters in 58 countries, and the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop eating compulsively. There are chapters in almost every city, but if you have difficulty locating one, log on to www.overeatersanonymous.org, or send a long SASE to OA World Service Office, P.O. Box 44020, Rio Rancho, NM 87174-4020. They will help you regain control.

It appears your "little" boss has a sadistic sense of humor. On lunch breaks and your other break time, get out of the office and walk. Also, use NOT touching the candy as a way of showing the man who's boss.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing concerning my daughter, who is 10. She signed up to play basketball, but now she cries when she has to go to practice or to games, and says she wants to stop playing.

Her mother and I are divorced. Her mom says it's OK for her to quit, but I was raised believing that when you start something you should finish it. Now it looks like I am the bad guy. Should I let her go ahead and quit, or make her finish? -- THE BAD GUY, CIRCLEVILLE, OHIO

DEAR BAD GUY: Before making your final decision, talk with your daughter and find out what's going on at those basketball games and practices that's driving her to tears. She may have a good reason for wanting to quit. However, if she does quit, she should replace basketball with another sport or pastime that will keep her active -- such as dance, self-defense, gymnastics, etc.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old Jewish girl. At least, I THINK I am. My parents told me I was Jewish. My father is Catholic and my mother was Jewish before she converted when I was 10. Some people say I am Jewish, and others say I'm not. I hope I am. What do you say? -- 14 AND WONDERING

DEAR WONDERING: I don't know what religion you are practicing, but Jewish ancestry is matrilineal -- traced through the mother. Therefore, you could be considered Jewish if you WANT to be. According to the "Jewish Book of Why" by Alfred J. Kolatch (Jonathan David Publishers Inc.): "A child born of a Jewish mother is considered Jewish regardless of the future actions of the mother or father. The child's Jewishness is considered his or her natural right, one that cannot be denied by the action of either parent."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)