DEAR ABBY: "Russell" and I have been living together for two years. (We met three years ago.) The problem is his "best friend," "Whitney." I didn't have a problem with her until last October. They have been e-mailing back and forth, and I have discovered some things in those e-mails I'm not comfortable with.

Russell uses my pet names with Whitney and says he would be "lost" without her and that he "loves" her. Whitney constantly has one crisis after another and needs to come over, even if she knows it's the only day Russell and I have off together. I have confronted him about this without confessing that I read his e-mails. He insists that he loves Whitney like "the sister he never had." But when she talks about her new boyfriends, he seems upset. And when she leaves from her visits, he gets depressed.

Russell and Whitney dated back when they were teens, and she insists he's like a brother. I just find it odd that if she calls and wants to come over, he'll drop any plans we have. I also find it odd that he tells her he loves her so often. I feel like I'm being replaced.

I know they aren't having sex, but their e-mails suggest that he's cheating on me emotionally. I love Russell and don't want to lose him, but I can't handle this anymore. We have talked about this over and over. Russell insists that he loves me and doesn't want to break up. However, I read an e-mail in which he said, "... even if I wanted to break up with her, I couldn't financially." That about killed me. Please help me. -- DEVASTATED IN IOWA

DEAR DEVASTATED: It appears Whitney is carrying a torch for Russell, and he has a soft spot for her, too. That he changes plans with you when she needs to lean on him, and gets depressed when she leaves, is not encouraging. However, that he uses the same pet names for you both could simply indicate a lack of imagination.

My advice is to stop hiding the fact that you have seen the e-mails and clear the air. I am willing to bet that the e-mail from which you quoted was in reply to Whitney's question, "Why don't you break up with her?" His answer indicated that he didn't want to end your relationship. Make the e-mail Exhibit A, tell him you "snooped" because you feel threatened, and then cross your fingers. Russell's response will tell you where you -- and your relationship -- stand with him.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to you to alert your readers to ALWAYS check their prescriptions while they are picking them up at the pharmacy. I was given two new prescriptions today. I had already taken one twice when I discovered that the pills in both bottles were the same.

I immediately called the pharmacy and was told that a new pharmacist had made a mistake. Not knowing what the pills were supposed to look like, I never questioned that the prescriptions were correct. I am grateful that it was "only" the anti-inflammatory drug that got mixed up. The second prescription was a muscle relaxant.

Some pharmacies print (much too small) the type and quantity of the pills on the label. But to be on the safe side, always open and check the contents of your pill container while you are at the pharmacy. -- NATALIE IN MECHANICSBURG, PA.

DEAR NATALIE: I'm pleased to pass along your reminder, because I have had a similar experience. It never hurts to check, and the optimum time to do it is when you receive your prescription.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I weigh 327 pounds. I'm 5 feet 11 inches tall, and I carry it better than most. I'm trying to diet to improve my health, but I crave sweets.

I am employed as a receptionist. My desk is behind an L-shaped counter, which is eye level above my computer screen. My boss insists on putting a candy dish right above my computer monitor, directly in front of me. I have tried moving it to the ends of the counter, out of my range of vision, and I have tried placing it on the end tables in the reception area, but he moves it back again.

Abby, my boss is a small person. If he was a girl, he'd be called "petite." He doesn't battle weight like I do, nor does he seem to crave sweets the way I do. I sometimes work 10 or 12 hours a day, and it's torture. I have talked to him about it, and he just laughed. I need my job and can't afford to lose it. Do you have a clever way I can get the point across? -- CONSTANTLY TEMPTED IN CANTON, OHIO

DEAR TEMPTED: The real problem, however, isn't your boss; it is your compulsive eating. An organization that has been mentioned in my column before -- Overeaters Anonymous -- could give you support and help for the problem. Over the years it has helped thousands of men and women overcome the compulsion to binge. There are more than 8,000 OA chapters in 58 countries, and the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop eating compulsively. There are chapters in almost every city, but if you have difficulty locating one, log on to www.overeatersanonymous.org, or send a long SASE to OA World Service Office, P.O. Box 44020, Rio Rancho, NM 87174-4020. They will help you regain control.

It appears your "little" boss has a sadistic sense of humor. On lunch breaks and your other break time, get out of the office and walk. Also, use NOT touching the candy as a way of showing the man who's boss.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing concerning my daughter, who is 10. She signed up to play basketball, but now she cries when she has to go to practice or to games, and says she wants to stop playing.

Her mother and I are divorced. Her mom says it's OK for her to quit, but I was raised believing that when you start something you should finish it. Now it looks like I am the bad guy. Should I let her go ahead and quit, or make her finish? -- THE BAD GUY, CIRCLEVILLE, OHIO

DEAR BAD GUY: Before making your final decision, talk with your daughter and find out what's going on at those basketball games and practices that's driving her to tears. She may have a good reason for wanting to quit. However, if she does quit, she should replace basketball with another sport or pastime that will keep her active -- such as dance, self-defense, gymnastics, etc.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old Jewish girl. At least, I THINK I am. My parents told me I was Jewish. My father is Catholic and my mother was Jewish before she converted when I was 10. Some people say I am Jewish, and others say I'm not. I hope I am. What do you say? -- 14 AND WONDERING

DEAR WONDERING: I don't know what religion you are practicing, but Jewish ancestry is matrilineal -- traced through the mother. Therefore, you could be considered Jewish if you WANT to be. According to the "Jewish Book of Why" by Alfred J. Kolatch (Jonathan David Publishers Inc.): "A child born of a Jewish mother is considered Jewish regardless of the future actions of the mother or father. The child's Jewishness is considered his or her natural right, one that cannot be denied by the action of either parent."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Overwhelmed in Arizona" wrote that she is helping her dad care for her dying mother, and feels isolated and overwhelmed by her feelings. She said: "The doctors now say there's nothing more they can do. Basically, Mom is at home waiting to die." You recommended an American Cancer Society support group.

Please invite her to explore hospice. Hospice lovingly accompanies patients, together with their families, during their final stage(s) of a terminal illness. While attending to the pain management needs of the patient, hospice also nurtures both patient and family through this difficult time, addressing all aspects (medical, nursing, social work and spiritual care) for all involved. Hospice makes dying about how you LIVE, all of you, in relationship with one another. And that very much includes those who will survive and have to come to terms with their loss. Many hospice organizations provide bereavement care and counseling to anyone who is grieving the death of a loved one.

By turning to hospice, "Overwhelmed" can shortly turn into "Loved and Nurtured in Arizona." -- VIOLA IN SEVERNA PARK, MD.

DEAR VIOLA: Thank you for reminding me about hospice and the important work it does. Hospice is a service for patients who have been told by two physicians they have six months or less to live. It is paid for by Medicare, most of the time at no cost to the patient, and non-Medicare patients can receive care through private insurance. (People without insurance are usually entitled to services for free, or at a reduced rate.) It is listed in the phone book under hospice or palliative care, or log onto www.hospicenet.org, www.hospicefoundation.org. or www.caringinfo.org.

Read on:

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from the girl who said that she and her father were unable to talk about the mother dying of cancer, I had to write.

Imagine how isolated that poor mother must feel! I have survived two rounds of cancer in spite of the fact that I was not expected to. When I told my daughter (I am divorced) that I'd had a recurrence this year, she told me she was angry with me, because I have been "trying to die on her" for most of her life!

I can tell you from firsthand experience that the mother needs to hear it's all right for her to die, and that her daughter and husband love her, but will carry on and be fine. She needs to talk about the good times they have shared -- review photographs, movies, trips, etc. She needs hugs, body contact. Dying is lonely, cold and final. You feel that you have let your family down, disappointed them, and that they are terribly inconvenienced by your not being there for them. -- SHIRLEY IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

DEAR SHIRLEY: Thank you for an extremely informative letter. I hope that those who read it will take what you have written to heart. I often hear from people who say they don't know how to act or what to say when someone is stricken with terminal illness. A young woman who is battling cancer put the answer succinctly in a letter to me: "I may have cancer, but I'm still the same person. I want my friends to talk to me like they always have, and about the same things."

As to your daughter, I think in a clumsy way she was trying to tell you she loves you. She's not mad at you for being sick. She's angry and probably frightened that the disease that has taken over your life twice is back again, and this time you may not be able to beat it. If she didn't love you, her reaction would have been indifference.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)