DEAR ABBY: Yesterday, while I was moving my husband's treasured antique automobile, I got into a fender-bender. He is so upset he won't talk to me. He says he wants a divorce and I should move out of the house.

When I asked him why, he said, "You ruin everything. You make my life miserable, and I don't enjoy anything because of you."

He never said anything like this before, and I am devastated. When I try to apologize, he says, "I don't want to talk about it, just get out." Help me, please. -- DEVASTATED IN LITTLE ROCK

DEAR DEVASTATED: I hope that by the time this appears in print, your husband will have regained his sense of priorities and is acting like an adult again. I don't blame him for being upset that his favorite toy was damaged. However, he should be thanking his lucky stars that YOU weren't injured. It's far easier to replace a fender and a paint job than replace a life partner, which is what you are supposed to be.

Under no circumstances should you move out. If he wants to end the marriage, let HIM move. And the minute he is out the door, call a lawyer. There's an old saying, "He who moves first, loses." The lawyer will explain it to you.

DEAR ABBY: My partner, "Tim," and I have been together almost two years. He's an accountant -- a buttoned-down type of person who always has to make sure the I's are dotted and the T's are crossed, if you know what I mean. I, on the other hand, am an artist who prefers to live my life in broad brush strokes. My problem is that Tim cannot stop nit-picking and second-guessing everything I do. I love him, but it is really getting to me.

Is there a solution to this? I have reached the point that the next time he does it, I'm afraid we're going to come to blows. -- MR. "J" IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR MR. "J": Your "buttoned-down" partner behaves the way he does because he needs to feel he's in control. The nit-picking and second-guessing give him the upper hand, especially if it makes you redo whatever it was he criticized. It's an obnoxious trait, and I'm sure it is difficult to live with.

Before you "come to blows," however, the answer is for the two of you to get couples counseling, and the place to start is the nearest gay and lesbian center. Do it now -- before you say or do something you'll regret.

DEAR ABBY: I am 35 years old and have been divorced for four years. Hypothetically speaking, if I decide never to remarry (which is tempting), or if I remarry 20 years from now, what is my marital status between now and then?

I consider myself single, not divorced. If I'm still single when I'm 55 -- or 80, for that matter -- I'd hate to refer to myself as "divorced" and give anyone the idea that I was divorced recently. -- SYLVIA IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR SYLVIA: The term "divorced" means that the person was at one time married and the marriage was legally dissolved. This is true whether the divorce was final 20 minutes ago or 20 years ago. When a person's marriage ends in divorce, she is legally a divorcee -- and that includes you. To imply otherwise is dishonest.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl in the sixth grade. At my school, the sixth-, seventh- and eighth-graders all have classes together.

Lately, I've noticed the eighth-graders seem to think they are better than us sixth-graders. They make a point of letting us know that they are bigger, cooler and more grown-up than we are.

I am fed up. They were sixth-graders once, too. How do I handle them? They are only two years older, but they seem to think they're practically adults and that we're only about 4. Please help. -- ANNOYED IN ASHLAND, ORE.

DEAR ANNOYED: My advice is to be patient and bide your time. Two catchphrases come to mind. They are, "Big fish in a small pond," and "Time wounds all heels."

Next fall, those snobbish eighth-graders will be headed for high school. No longer will they be the "most grown-up" students in school. On the contrary, they will be insignificant minnows in a much larger pool. They'll receive from the sophomores, juniors and seniors the same treatment they are giving you. Remember that when you're in the eighth grade and interacting with students in the lower grades. It's a lesson in humility.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married in a small, intimate ceremony and reception in 2004. We were living in a condominium complex and had become close friends with one of our neighbors and her boyfriend, so we invited them to our wedding. Afterward, I opened their card. It read: "We are happy to share your day with you, but we are strapped for money right now and can't afford a gift at this time. As soon as we're back on our feet, we'll make sure you get your wedding gift."

We are now invited to their wedding. We never did receive a gift from them, nor has it ever been mentioned. These neighbors have a history of being "cheap," so it's not the first time.

My husband and I are at odds. I think we should attend the wedding and buy them a nice gift. He says we should just give them a card with no gift. Or should we simply not attend at all? I know that wedding gifts are just that -- gifts. But I'd feel strange not giving them anything. I would also feel strange giving them anything under the circumstances. How should we handle this? -- MIFFED IN MONTANA

DEAR MIFFED: The rule of etiquette is: When someone attends a wedding, a gift is in order. Your former neighbors broke that rule, and it has affected the relationship. Please don't stoop to retaliation. The real question is whether you plan to attend or send your regrets -- and only you can answer that.

DEAR ABBY: When does a stepparent stop being a stepparent? My father passed away a few years ago, and I have been wondering ever since if my stepmother is still my stepmother. What happens if she remarries?

We do not have a warm relationship, but we do make contact on birthdays and holidays. We live in different states. -- JUST WONDERING IN GEORGIA

DEAR JUST WONDERING: I have always believed that what binds people together has more to do with what is in their hearts than official titles. If you are not close to the woman, it really doesn't matter if she's your "stepmother" or not. She's your dad's widow. Period.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 30 years old, married seven years, the mother of three children, and I'm at the end of my rope. My husband has quit or been fired from numerous jobs because of his "poor attitude." He calls the women he works with "fat b----es" and blames everyone else for his problems. He's addicted to weed and alcohol, and gets extremely upset if I don't partake of these things with him.

When he does work, he calls me an average of 15 times a day, or he instant-messages me constantly -- and he's only gone six or seven hours. If I don't answer the phone or respond to his e-mail immediately, he'll drop everything and race home to accuse me of cheating or betraying him in some way. On three different occasions he has slapped me in the face, then immediately denied doing it. He has also grabbed me around the throat a few times. He says very hurtful things to me, and then denies saying them. He is verbally abusive to my eldest son from a previous relationship.

I have no friends or family I can turn to. I am extremely depressed and at the point of either running away or killing myself. I'm scared all the time. I'd leave, but he tells me he will hurt me or take my kids away and never let me see them if I do. Can you help me? -- NANCY IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR NANCY: If ever I heard of a woman who needed to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline, it is you, dear lady. The toll-free number (which won't show up on your phone bill) is (800) 799-7233 (SAFE). The people on the hotline can help you to formulate a safe escape plan from the drug-addicted bully you married. (If this seems harsh, he qualifies.) Please make the call TODAY, not only for your own sake but also for your children's.

DEAR ABBY: The "Smiths" and our family live on either side of "Betty," an 84-year-old widow. Betty is a wonderful, caring neighbor most of the time. However, she is beginning to deteriorate mentally and physically. She has a cleaning service that comes in, a teenager to mow her lawn and a MedicAlert necklace, but she has problems grasping and remembering the major things that need to be done outside her home as well as setting up her medication regimen.

Betty's son lives 250 miles away, but he visits only a couple of times a year. He arrives late one day, stays the next two nights, and leaves early the third morning. Her other children live in other states and rarely visit.

Betty is beginning to rely more and more on us neighbors to get things done for her. While we don't mind helping out in emergencies, we feel someone else should take over her everyday needs. She is adamant about not going to a nursing home -- which I agree with -- but there are less-confining possibilities that I think would be better for her and would relieve us of the responsibility and liability of tending to her.

Should we contact her son, or just start to let things go until things become serious? -- WORRIED ABOUT BETTY, GRAND JUNCTION, COLO.

DEAR WORRIED: You should absolutely contact your neighbor's son and tell him exactly what you have told me. His mother may need the help of a visiting nurse, or even a caseworker to make sure she has what she needs and her property is well-kept. You appear to be caring neighbors, but this should not be your responsibility. If Betty's son doesn't know where to look for help, please tell him to contact a local senior center or the Colorado state agency on aging, which should be listed in the phone book.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)