DEAR ABBY: I am 30 years old, married seven years, the mother of three children, and I'm at the end of my rope. My husband has quit or been fired from numerous jobs because of his "poor attitude." He calls the women he works with "fat b----es" and blames everyone else for his problems. He's addicted to weed and alcohol, and gets extremely upset if I don't partake of these things with him.

When he does work, he calls me an average of 15 times a day, or he instant-messages me constantly -- and he's only gone six or seven hours. If I don't answer the phone or respond to his e-mail immediately, he'll drop everything and race home to accuse me of cheating or betraying him in some way. On three different occasions he has slapped me in the face, then immediately denied doing it. He has also grabbed me around the throat a few times. He says very hurtful things to me, and then denies saying them. He is verbally abusive to my eldest son from a previous relationship.

I have no friends or family I can turn to. I am extremely depressed and at the point of either running away or killing myself. I'm scared all the time. I'd leave, but he tells me he will hurt me or take my kids away and never let me see them if I do. Can you help me? -- NANCY IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR NANCY: If ever I heard of a woman who needed to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline, it is you, dear lady. The toll-free number (which won't show up on your phone bill) is (800) 799-7233 (SAFE). The people on the hotline can help you to formulate a safe escape plan from the drug-addicted bully you married. (If this seems harsh, he qualifies.) Please make the call TODAY, not only for your own sake but also for your children's.

DEAR ABBY: The "Smiths" and our family live on either side of "Betty," an 84-year-old widow. Betty is a wonderful, caring neighbor most of the time. However, she is beginning to deteriorate mentally and physically. She has a cleaning service that comes in, a teenager to mow her lawn and a MedicAlert necklace, but she has problems grasping and remembering the major things that need to be done outside her home as well as setting up her medication regimen.

Betty's son lives 250 miles away, but he visits only a couple of times a year. He arrives late one day, stays the next two nights, and leaves early the third morning. Her other children live in other states and rarely visit.

Betty is beginning to rely more and more on us neighbors to get things done for her. While we don't mind helping out in emergencies, we feel someone else should take over her everyday needs. She is adamant about not going to a nursing home -- which I agree with -- but there are less-confining possibilities that I think would be better for her and would relieve us of the responsibility and liability of tending to her.

Should we contact her son, or just start to let things go until things become serious? -- WORRIED ABOUT BETTY, GRAND JUNCTION, COLO.

DEAR WORRIED: You should absolutely contact your neighbor's son and tell him exactly what you have told me. His mother may need the help of a visiting nurse, or even a caseworker to make sure she has what she needs and her property is well-kept. You appear to be caring neighbors, but this should not be your responsibility. If Betty's son doesn't know where to look for help, please tell him to contact a local senior center or the Colorado state agency on aging, which should be listed in the phone book.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have owned a business for 13 years. Recently one of my employees forged a customer's check in the amount of $1,000.

I have tried to talk to him and ask why, and I have threatened to go to the police. We have more than just a working relationship. We did a lot of things together outside of work, but never had a sexual relationship.

This man worked for me for more than two years and, other than this crime, was a perfect employee. He insists that he didn't "forge" the check that he had cashed at the customer's bank and tries to justify it by saying he felt he "deserved" the "extra" money. I always paid him on time and gave him many extra perks. Please help me. -- LOST BIG-TIME IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LOST BIG-TIME: Wake up! Your "perfect employee" is a thief, a forger and a sociopath. He may be a charmer -- aren't they all! -- but that's what has enabled him to reach the point he has. For your own emotional well-being and for the sake of your business, please tell the police what you have learned. If you don't, the next person to be burned will be YOU. Bank on it!

DEAR ABBY: A couple invited my date and me to an expensive restaurant for dinner. We were to meet in the lobby of the restaurant at 7 p.m. We arrived a couple of minutes before the appointed time.

Checking with the hostess, we found that a table for four had been reserved, and she offered to seat us even though our friends had not yet arrived.

My date said we should have been seated so we could wait for our friends, who were 10 minutes late. I disagreed, pointing out that for us to be seated would have been a breach of etiquette because it emphasized that our friends were late. Who's right? -- TOM IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TOM: It appears you were more concerned about the comfort of your hosts than the comfort of your date. As hosts, the couple who invited you should have been on hand to greet you. How long did you intend to stand around? After all, you had no idea if they'd be held up for 10 minutes or for 30 minutes -- and your date was probably standing there in high heels.

To have taken the hostess up on her kind offer would not have been a breach of etiquette; it would have shown consideration for your date.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Thornton," and I are being married in two months. This is a second (and final) marriage for both of us. We dated for several years and went to counseling so that this marriage would last and our love would stay strong. We both have children from our first marriages who are excited about the wedding.

Thornton and I are in disagreement, however, about whether or not to invite our ex-spouses -- although we remain friendly with them. Please tell me the appropriate thing to do. -- ABOUT TO BE WED IN HOUSTON

DEAR ABOUT TO BE WED: Generally speaking, if the relationship between the ex-spouses is cordial -- and emotionally disconnected enough -- I see nothing wrong with inviting them to the wedding. However, in your case, because there is disagreement on the subject, it would be the better part of wisdom to set sail on the sea of matrimony without the exes standing on the dock.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a female who is almost 38 years old. Most of my adult life has been spent in school, working or traveling. It is only in the last two years that I have met someone and settled down somewhat -- although we are not married. We are both artists, so much of our time is filled doing the things that we love and believe in. Neither of us feels a giant void in our relationship or our lives that needs to be filled by a baby.

In the past year or so, several of my co-workers and other people I barely know keep asking, "When are you going to have a baby?" or, "You only have a couple more years -- aren't you going to have a baby?" or, "Don't you want kids?"

Abby, my family doesn't even ask me these questions! I think they are extremely rude and intrusive, and I resent the simple-minded assumption that just because a person has a uterus and ovaries she must make a baby. How should I respond to these questions? -- CHILDLESS AND HAPPY IN TEXAS

DEAR CHILDLESS AND HAPPY: There are several ways to handle questions that are nobody's business. One is to deflect the question by asking another: "Why do you ask?" Or, "Why do you think that's any of your business?" Alternatively, if you really want the person to back down, you can reply, "If it were any of your business, you'd already know the answer to that question. Please don't ask me again!"

DEAR ABBY: My mother was diagnosed with colorectal cancer that spread to her liver. Over the last five years, she has put up a brave fight, smiling through her surgeries, years of chemo and constant pain. The doctors now say there's nothing more they can do. Basically, Mom is at home waiting to die.

I recently moved back with my parents so I can help Dad with Mother's care. I'm glad I can take time off and spend quality time with them. I am 23 and love them both.

My concern is, my father rarely speaks about Mother's illness. We joke about it, mostly to avoid a sad, uncomfortable situation. I'm dealing with this like my dad does. I rarely talk about it, and when I do, I make a joke. I have tried discussing how I feel with friends, but most of the time they stop me because it's hard for them to hear. I have also tried talking about things with Dad, but I don't want to make him sad. I start to lose it every time he tears up, so now I avoid the subject.

I don't know who to talk to. Sometimes I feel it's pointless to try because talking won't change the situation. But my feelings are becoming overwhelming, and I need to let them out. Can you help me? -- OVERWHELMED IN ARIZONA

DEAR OVERWHELMED: I'm sorry your mother isn't doing well. However, I'm sure your presence is a great comfort to both of your parents.

It is very important that both you and your father find an outlet where it's safe to talk about your feelings because they are normal. Although it may be painful, and probably tearful, tears can be healing. The American Cancer Society has programs for people with cancer and their families, including excellent support groups. You do not have to go through this difficult time alone, so please don't wait to make contact. Find a program in your area by visiting www.cancer.org and typing in your ZIP code. (Or you can call: 1-800-ACS-2345.) There is also an online community where people can chat anytime they feel the need 24/7. Although it's a cancer survivors' network, families are welcome, too. You're in my prayers.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)