DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, at Christmas time, I helped Santa Claus by filling in for him at a small shopping mall. Instead of the usual long lines of children who are processed on and off Santa's lap like an assembly line in large shopping malls, I was able to enjoy spontaneous visits with teenagers and adults as well as tots bearing lists of toys.

A pair of teenage boys ran up, gave me a hug and a grin, and asked me to bring them motorcycles. After a brief chat, they walked away chuckling -- pleased with their visit with St. Nick.

A bright and happy 3 1/2-year-old girl sat on my lap and chattered constantly, asking questions and answering mine. Finally, she looked me in the eye and said, "I thought you were fake. You're REAL!" Her doubts removed, I'm sure she had a magical Christmas.

A young father, all alone, paid the elf photographer for one picture and said, "I don't have custody of my children, but want to show them a picture of you and me shaking hands." When he received the finished photo, he looked at it and mouthed, "Thank you," and departed.

However, my most emotional visit was with three teenage girls. The first one giggled and asked me for a sports car. The second topped her by asking for a mansion. The last girl whispered in my ear, "I'd like a job for my father." As they walked away, the last one refused to answer her friends' question, "What did YOU ask Santa for?" Her profound request was between her and Santa, who was overcome with emotion.

I truly believe that her father found a job because, you see, that night Santa prayed that he would. -- ROBERT BICKMEYER, TROY, MICH.

DEAR "ROBERT-CLAUS": Your letter touched my heart. Your prayer embodies the true spirit of Christmas, and I hope that you and your family are enjoying this special day. And to my Christian readers: A very merry Christmas to you all.

DEAR ABBY: My mother is a talented artist, and my sister and I love to give her creations as gifts to family and friends. My sister and I have purchased these gifts -- albeit at a discount -- but money is exchanged and the gifts are from US.

Our problem: Often the people receiving the gifts assume that we did not pay for them. Sometimes they have even said, "Thank your mother for me." How should this be handled so the recipient knows we were the givers and not the artist who made the work -- who "happens" to be our mom? -- JESSICA IN CHARLOTTE, N.C.

DEAR JESSICA: When they say, "Thank your mother for me," tell them the gift came from you and not from her. It should not be necessary to explain further.

DEAR ABBY: I am going to a conference in a city where an old flame lives. I haven't seen him in nearly 10 years. I am considering looking him up, but now I'm questioning my motives. I'm single, and don't know what his status is. I don't expect a reconciliation, but the idea to give him a call popped into my head -- and then I got nervous. I'd love to see him. Have you any advice? -- TEMPTED IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR TEMPTED: Yes. Call him! You are single, and if he is, too, it could be a new beginning for both of you. Ask him to lunch so you can both catch up on what's happened during the last decade. If it turns out that he's married, invite his wife along. Who knows? You might make a new friend who could introduce you to "Mr. Right."

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Don't most of us enjoy stories from our parents' and grandparents' past? During the last few years of my mother's life, she was confined to her home and then to a nursing home.

I urged her to write her memories of childhood in a lined notebook that I provided. On one hand, those stories needed to be preserved for my children, and on the other, it gave my mother a project to work on and keep her mind active. She enjoyed it and filled about 20 pages. She described her childhood days, then continued through courtship, marriage, my birth, struggles through the Great Depression, and the building of a new home. It gave us a clear view of times gone by -- a family treasure in her handwriting.

My reason for writing this is to remind your readers to ask those old-timers to write their memories before those treasured stories pass into oblivion. -- ROBERT H., BADIN, N.C.

DEAR ROBERT: Thank you for the reminder. And readers, maybe you should jot down your own recollections yourselves. On another note, every year I hear from older people on fixed incomes who are worried because they don't have enough money to buy gifts for their families. Something like this would make a priceless gift.

P.S. It could even be video- or audio-taped if a friend or family member has the equipment.

DEAR ABBY: When is the appropriate time to stop "baby talk" with your children? My son has just turned 3, and I'm starting to get looks from friends whenever I speak to him in an overly sweet way or use pet names. My family has a long history of "baby talk" that still gets used regularly. I always found it annoying, but now I find it difficult to break the habit with my son. Should I be addressing him as if he's a little professor? I think a kid should still be treated like a kid. -- JULIE IN SPRING, TEXAS

DEAR JULIE: You recall that when baby talk was addressed to you, you found it annoying. What it is, is condescending. The time to break the habit is now. Your son is no longer a baby, and if you continue talking to him as if he is, he, too, will find it embarrassing.

Treat him in a way that is age-appropriate, but teach him proper English and correct terminology now so there will be less for him to unlearn when he's around his peers.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Two weeks before my wedding, my mother announced that she was leaving my father. Now, two months after my wedding, their divorce papers have been filed.

I am 23 years old and should be able to handle the news, but I cannot. I have been devastated by the end of a marriage that I thought was a good one until only a few months ago.

My mother is now behaving like a college student. She parties all night, dates several guys at once, and calls to tell me about it. I have quit answering my phone when I see it is her.

I don't answer my father's calls either. All he does is complain about being lonely and broke, and a single father to my teenage brother.

I don't want to hear their stories or be their confidante. I need time to mourn the breakup of my parents' marriage. My own marriage is suffering because of the recent turn of events and it doesn't seem fair. What can I do? -- NOT-SO-HAPPY NEWLYWED

DEAR NOT SO HAPPY: Please accept my sympathy for the demise of your parents' marriage. If you were in the dark about the fact that they had been having problems until just before your wedding, it is understandable that you are in shock and grieving. You must also be wondering if what you thought was real was only a mirage.

For the sake of your emotional well-being and to protect your own marriage, I hope you will take the advice I am about to offer. Inform your mother that you cannot/will not be her confidante. Period. Then let your father know that although you feel sympathy for him, you cannot be his trouble dump either, because it's affecting your marriage. Explain that if he needs a place to "vent" -- and I'm sure he does -- he should do it with a professional counselor.

You may need counseling yourself, right now, in order to get your own head straight, so please do it now rather than later. Your problem isn't that your parents' marriage didn't make it to the finish line. It's that they hid their problems so well, you are no longer sure what a healthy marriage looks like

DEAR ABBY: I am a 28-year-old single mother of two, pregnant with my third child. Because of my current circumstances, I have decided the best thing to do is place this child up for adoption. I have a lot of support in this, including my other children.

My problem is with strangers. People I don't know constantly ask questions about the upcoming birth, including name choices and gender. How do I stop all the questions without going into detail about my plans? I have tried simply saying, "I'm placing the child for adoption," but then people have the nerve to start questioning my judgment! -- PEEVED AND PREGNANT

DEAR PEEVED: The people asking questions about your baby are trying to reach out and be supportive. They have no idea that this is a sensitive subject.

When you are asked about the gender of the child, or what you plan to name it, smile and tell them you don't know the sex of the baby and no name has been chosen yet. Then either change the subject or walk away. No rule of etiquette demands that you continue a conversation with a stranger.

DEAR ABBY: Please explain the saying, "No good deed goes unpunished." I have heard it many times, but can't imagine where it comes from. -- CURIOUS IN GEORGIA

DEAR CURIOUS: It probably originated from bitter experience. It is usually uttered when someone has tried to do something for someone else, and instead of being grateful for it, the recipient finds fault or resents it.

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