DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, my fiance, "Dave," and I befriended a neighbor of his I'll call Jane. We didn't know her very well. I tried to talk with her once when she joined us outside, but her focus was solely on her husband. Not long afterward they separated, and Jane was devastated. Their marriage had been filled with financial, emotional and infidelity problems, but she loved him.
Jane gravitated to Dave and me for emotional support. She needed cash, so I hired her to watch my girls twice a week so Dave and I could go out.
Things were fine for a while, but then she began showing up all the time. On nights that I worked, Jane would hang out at Dave's. Finally, we both told her it made me uncomfortable, and she seemed to get the message. She found another part-time job, became involved with church, and began reading books about boundaries, emotional strength and spirituality. I was happy for her.
Then Jane began confiding in Dave. She'd tell him about the men she was meeting at work, exposing herself to them for money, sex for money, intimate relations with married men, wanting to get tattoos in places I won't mention. When Dave told me, he made me promise not to say anything to Jane because he didn't want problems in the neighborhood. I ended my social relationship with her. She still baby-sits for me because it's hard finding help for my disabled girls. But our relationship is strictly business.
I would like to tell Jane how angry I am that she discussed her sexual behavior with my fiance while pretending to be my friend. Then again, I have the situation at home and I do need time off. Jane is asking Dave why I don't visit with her anymore. He makes up excuses. Although I promised Dave I wouldn't say anything, I feel an urgent need to get this off my chest.
Now, when and what do I say to someone who has shown no respect for me, my relationship with my fiance or our friendship? -- FURIOUS IN FLORIDA
DEAR FURIOUS: Say something to this woman ONLY after having made other arrangements for someone to baby-sit your children. After that, my advice to you is to keep your promise to your fiance and tell her only that you have made other arrangements. If you think you can win a spitting contest with a woman who has no character, no morals and no shame, you are deluding yourself.