DEAR ABBY: The holiday season has begun and most people have started planning for family feasts, gifts, home decorating and travel. Not everyone, however, will be able to leave home, enjoy a holiday trip, or be with family and friends. For many people who are frail, elderly, sick and have disabilities, the holidays mean staying home without the festivities enjoyed by others.

May I offer some simple suggestions to brighten the holidays for our homebound neighbors?

1. One way to literally make the holidays brighter is to help replace burned-out lightbulbs inside and outside their homes. This can be extremely helpful for someone who has difficulty standing or turning bulbs in light sockets. (The same is also true for replacing batteries in smoke detectors.)

2. Help with holiday decorations. Because putting up decorations can be difficult for frail elderly people, a little assistance with lights and ornaments that usually remain in boxes could brighten their holidays.

3. Give a holiday gift of nonperishable food items. For elderly individuals on fixed incomes, a special gift of jam, instant hot cereals, fruit or a selection of teas or coffee could be a "luxury."

4. Check to see if the heat inside the home is adequate and that precautions have been taken to ensure that faucets are working during sub-zero temperatures.

5. A lap robe or quilt can be a welcomed gift for someone whose home is not well-insulated or heated when the temperature falls.

Many elderly people find it difficult to ask for something, valuing their self-reliance and independence, even if it means ignoring a need. If you think a homebound neighbor could use assistance or a special gift, please reach out and make the effort to help. -- LINDA MASON, VISITING NURSE ASSOCIATION OF TEXAS

DEAR LINDA: I hope your suggestions will stimulate people to think about how they can help those who have difficulty helping themselves. To your terrific suggestions, I would like to add: Loneliness is the ultimate poverty. If you can, spend some time visiting. For someone who lives alone, the holidays can be a constant reminder of family or friends who are no longer living. A little company can go along way toward easing these feelings of loneliness.

And if you're feeling lonely yourself, consider volunteering to deliver Meals on Wheels. Holiday vacations can create a shortage of the volunteers needed to bring meals and human contact to homebound elderly, and those who are sick and disabled. Besides delivering food, the drivers can also provide much-needed holiday cheer. There is no greater "upper" than bringing joy to others.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a wonderful guy I'll call Evan for about six months. A woman he dated for a long time died unexpectedly. She had left him four months before I met him, and until recently, Evan claimed he "hated" her.

Now that she's gone, Evan talks only about how much he loved her, how beautiful she was, and how he wishes she had never left him. I'm trying hard to be supportive, but it's difficult to listen to -- and, frankly, I'm somewhat hurt by all of this. How do you recommend I handle it? -- DISTRESSED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR DISTRESSED: Your boyfriend is grieving not only for someone he cared about, but also for a lost fantasy. You're here, she's gone, so my advice to you is to be patient. Let him vent until you've "had it up to here," and then gently (do not gloat when you do it) ask him to "remind" you why his relationship with her ended. The answer might bring him back to reality.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: What is the official Dear Abby position on screaming children in restaurants? My husband took my mother and me to a family restaurant to celebrate our birthdays, and two children from different families were screaming their lungs out. One of them, a child about 3, alternately screamed, begged, whined and threw tantrums the whole time. The other child was much younger, but seemed to be keying off the other child.

Abby, it was horrible! Our server could hardly hear us to take our order -- and I'm not exaggerating. We could not enjoy our dinner because of the piercing shrieks coming from both sides of the restaurant. Had I done that when I was little, my mother would have taken me outside, if only to make the atmosphere more pleasant for the other diners. The family with the older child ignored his behavior. This seems to happen more and more often, I've noticed.

The family finally left, but both my husband and I had splitting headaches from the noise. What, if anything, could we have done? The other diners were as uncomfortable as we were. -- WISH I'D HAD EARPLUGS, DECATUR, ALA.

DEAR WISH: Your party should have canceled your orders and celebrated the occasion at another restaurant once you realized the parents had no intention of intervening.

Something similar happened to my husband and me one night recently. The manager of the restaurant tolerated the disruption for approximately 10 minutes, then he approached their table and informed the parents they must stop the ruckus or take their large party and leave. When the door swung shut behind them, the entire restaurant broke into applause.

Unless parents have completely abdicated their authority, Mommy or Daddy should know that when their child's behavior becomes disruptive, it's time for a "time-out." That those parents inflicted their child's bad behavior on a restaurant full of people shows more about them than their kid.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married for 35 wonderful years, and Christmas was our favorite time of year. As I sit here this morning, I remember all the time we wasted worrying about getting the "perfect" gift for everyone, when in reality the most perfect gift you can give is yourself and your love.

We had seven beautiful kids, 23 beautiful grandchildren and five adorable great-grandchildren, so it took a lot of time to shop for everyone. I realize that the most perfect gift would be to have my darling husband here with us. He passed away Oct. 10, 2003.

I now understand that the perfect gifts were the love and closeness we shared together, and you can't buy that in any department store.

So, Abby, please suggest to your readers that when they're agonizing about finding the perfect gift, they should look right under their own noses. They may find they already have it. -- MISSING HIM IN OHIO

DEAR MISSING HIM: Thank you for the poignant reminder that too often we take for granted those intangibles that are the most precious. You and your darling husband shared a life together filled with an abundance of riches. I hope that knowledge will bring you comfort during this time and for the rest of your holiday seasons to come.

DEAR ABBY: Please warn your readers that their Web pages and blogs could stand in the way of securing a job! Just as employers have learned to read e-mail and blogs, they have learned to screen candidates through their sites.

Many people in their 20s and 30s wrongly believe their creations are entertaining and informative. Employers are not seeking political activists, evangelizers, whiners or tattletales. They do not want to find themselves facing a lawsuit or on the front page of a newspaper because a client, patient or parent of a student discovered a comment written by an employee.

The job market is tight, and job seekers must remember their computer skills can either help them land a position or destroy a job prospect. -- CHICAGO EMPLOYER

DEAR EMPLOYER: You have opened up a line of thought I'll bet a lot of job applicants -- and future job applicants -- have never considered. Googling a name isn't difficult, and it could lead to an applicant's blog. Most bloggers write to be read, and invite people to comment. Thank you for the reminder that those who blog should remember that they are open to public scrutiny, and that if they apply for a job, everything about them will be considered -- including their blog. Prospective employers are certainly within their rights to make decisions based upon what they read.

DEAR ABBY: Last week, my family suffered the loss of my grandfather. He was Catholic, the only Catholic in our immediate family, and his funeral was held in a Catholic church as he wished.

When it came time to receive communion, a family friend encouraged my grandmother and the rest of the non-Catholic family members to receive communion. Should we have received communion out of respect for our grandfather, or was it right to stand by our own beliefs? -- GRIEVING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR GRIEVING: You showed respect for your grandfather by attending his funeral. Communion is a sacred rite in which only practicing Catholics participate. You were correct to refrain from doing so.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)