DEAR ABBY: What is the official Dear Abby position on screaming children in restaurants? My husband took my mother and me to a family restaurant to celebrate our birthdays, and two children from different families were screaming their lungs out. One of them, a child about 3, alternately screamed, begged, whined and threw tantrums the whole time. The other child was much younger, but seemed to be keying off the other child.

Abby, it was horrible! Our server could hardly hear us to take our order -- and I'm not exaggerating. We could not enjoy our dinner because of the piercing shrieks coming from both sides of the restaurant. Had I done that when I was little, my mother would have taken me outside, if only to make the atmosphere more pleasant for the other diners. The family with the older child ignored his behavior. This seems to happen more and more often, I've noticed.

The family finally left, but both my husband and I had splitting headaches from the noise. What, if anything, could we have done? The other diners were as uncomfortable as we were. -- WISH I'D HAD EARPLUGS, DECATUR, ALA.

DEAR WISH: Your party should have canceled your orders and celebrated the occasion at another restaurant once you realized the parents had no intention of intervening.

Something similar happened to my husband and me one night recently. The manager of the restaurant tolerated the disruption for approximately 10 minutes, then he approached their table and informed the parents they must stop the ruckus or take their large party and leave. When the door swung shut behind them, the entire restaurant broke into applause.

Unless parents have completely abdicated their authority, Mommy or Daddy should know that when their child's behavior becomes disruptive, it's time for a "time-out." That those parents inflicted their child's bad behavior on a restaurant full of people shows more about them than their kid.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with my boyfriend, "Don," that we can't settle. We both travel for work. He's happy to drive me to or from the airport, although I never ask him to. He feels it's a romantic gesture that couples do for each other when one is away for more than a few days.

Personally, I prefer getting to and from the airport by taxi, bus or subway -- by myself. I don't care if he meets me at the airport, although he wants to.

Don travels three or four times a year, but he often arrives at night. Driving to the airport is a stressful burden for me even during the day. I absolutely hate driving at night.

Don was recently gone for two weeks. I refused to meet him because he was landing at night and he lives closer to the airport than I do. (Three subway stops and a cab ride.) He said it was the principle of the thing, and if I didn't want to drive, it would mean a lot to him if I took a cab or the subway and met him at the baggage claim.

How do I handle this in the future and not feel like a bad person, because I strongly disagree with my boyfriend on this subject. -- STRESSED-OUT CITY DRIVER

DEAR STRESSED-OUT: Because this is important to him, if you love your boyfriend and care about his feelings, extend yourself and make the effort. It's called "giving." If you can't bring yourself to do so, tell him it's a deal-breaker and see if he is willing to lower his expectations. (Frankly, I agree with him. It IS a romantic gesture.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married for 35 wonderful years, and Christmas was our favorite time of year. As I sit here this morning, I remember all the time we wasted worrying about getting the "perfect" gift for everyone, when in reality the most perfect gift you can give is yourself and your love.

We had seven beautiful kids, 23 beautiful grandchildren and five adorable great-grandchildren, so it took a lot of time to shop for everyone. I realize that the most perfect gift would be to have my darling husband here with us. He passed away Oct. 10, 2003.

I now understand that the perfect gifts were the love and closeness we shared together, and you can't buy that in any department store.

So, Abby, please suggest to your readers that when they're agonizing about finding the perfect gift, they should look right under their own noses. They may find they already have it. -- MISSING HIM IN OHIO

DEAR MISSING HIM: Thank you for the poignant reminder that too often we take for granted those intangibles that are the most precious. You and your darling husband shared a life together filled with an abundance of riches. I hope that knowledge will bring you comfort during this time and for the rest of your holiday seasons to come.

DEAR ABBY: Please warn your readers that their Web pages and blogs could stand in the way of securing a job! Just as employers have learned to read e-mail and blogs, they have learned to screen candidates through their sites.

Many people in their 20s and 30s wrongly believe their creations are entertaining and informative. Employers are not seeking political activists, evangelizers, whiners or tattletales. They do not want to find themselves facing a lawsuit or on the front page of a newspaper because a client, patient or parent of a student discovered a comment written by an employee.

The job market is tight, and job seekers must remember their computer skills can either help them land a position or destroy a job prospect. -- CHICAGO EMPLOYER

DEAR EMPLOYER: You have opened up a line of thought I'll bet a lot of job applicants -- and future job applicants -- have never considered. Googling a name isn't difficult, and it could lead to an applicant's blog. Most bloggers write to be read, and invite people to comment. Thank you for the reminder that those who blog should remember that they are open to public scrutiny, and that if they apply for a job, everything about them will be considered -- including their blog. Prospective employers are certainly within their rights to make decisions based upon what they read.

DEAR ABBY: Last week, my family suffered the loss of my grandfather. He was Catholic, the only Catholic in our immediate family, and his funeral was held in a Catholic church as he wished.

When it came time to receive communion, a family friend encouraged my grandmother and the rest of the non-Catholic family members to receive communion. Should we have received communion out of respect for our grandfather, or was it right to stand by our own beliefs? -- GRIEVING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR GRIEVING: You showed respect for your grandfather by attending his funeral. Communion is a sacred rite in which only practicing Catholics participate. You were correct to refrain from doing so.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother, "Adele," never misses your column, so I'm hoping this will get her attention. She has smoked for most of my 28 years of life, with the exception of when she "quit" from 2000 to 2003. (Her mother died of lung cancer.) I beg her not to smoke around me or my 3- and 4-year-olds. My daughter has even told her she smells bad and asked her to put out her cigarette.

Adele claims she shouldn't have to go outside to smoke because smoke rises, and although you can see and smell it, there are no chemicals left in the air to hurt us. Adele says the reason she doesn't want to quit is she read somewhere that quitting "cold turkey" increases your chance of complications from smoking. She refuses to believe she's hurting anyone.

Would you please tell her that not only is it inconsiderate and selfish to tell us to leave the house or get out of the car if we don't want to breathe in the smoke, it's also hurting her and putting her grandchildren at risk? -- CAN'T GET THROUGH, OZARK, ARK.

DEAR CAN'T GET THROUGH: Your mother is severely addicted to tobacco and in a state of denial. It is common knowledge that secondhand smoke is harmful. That's why some states have outlawed smoking in the workplace and public buildings.

I don't know where your mother got the notion that quitting smoking cold turkey could have a negative impact on her health. For years, doctors have said that it's the most effective way to stop. For smokers who can't face the challenge of sudden withdrawal from nicotine, there are now gums, patches and cessation programs to help people break the habit. Your mother's problem isn't that she's ignorant; it's that she's so wedded to her addiction she doesn't want to quit.

As much as you love her, you are now a mother yourself. It is your job to protect your children from anything that could harm them, and that includes secondhand smoke. From now on, do not take them to your mother's home; instead, entertain her in your smoke-free home. If she insists on smoking in her car, you will have to be the one to provide the transportation. And for your own sanity, when the time comes for your mother to pay the piper as her own mother did, do not grieve that you didn't have more time with her. She lived her life the way she wanted.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my freshman year of college, living in the dorms. I have been baby-sitting for the same family for about four years. Their three children are all under the age of 5, yet I am being paid only $6 an hour -- a dollar more than when I first started baby-sitting the first two children as a high school student.

The average baby-sitting rate for a college student is much higher than I have been charging. I have a friendly relationship with the mother, but I still feel hesitant to tell her that I'd like to be paid more. How do I go about this? -- ANNA IN WILLIAMSVILLE, N.Y.

DEAR ANNA: Because you have a friendly relationship with the mother, call her and let her know that you'll be raising the price for your services. Do not apologize for doing so. Explain that the cost of living (gas, etc.) has increased since she first hired you. In addition, your qualifications have improved.

In the workplace, many women older than you have a problem with speaking up and asking for a raise to which they are entitled because they were raised to believe that "good girls" are modest and shouldn't brag. That kind of thinking can be a real handicap in the business world. So start now. This will be good practice for when you are older.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)