DEAR ABBY: My mother, "Adele," never misses your column, so I'm hoping this will get her attention. She has smoked for most of my 28 years of life, with the exception of when she "quit" from 2000 to 2003. (Her mother died of lung cancer.) I beg her not to smoke around me or my 3- and 4-year-olds. My daughter has even told her she smells bad and asked her to put out her cigarette.

Adele claims she shouldn't have to go outside to smoke because smoke rises, and although you can see and smell it, there are no chemicals left in the air to hurt us. Adele says the reason she doesn't want to quit is she read somewhere that quitting "cold turkey" increases your chance of complications from smoking. She refuses to believe she's hurting anyone.

Would you please tell her that not only is it inconsiderate and selfish to tell us to leave the house or get out of the car if we don't want to breathe in the smoke, it's also hurting her and putting her grandchildren at risk? -- CAN'T GET THROUGH, OZARK, ARK.

DEAR CAN'T GET THROUGH: Your mother is severely addicted to tobacco and in a state of denial. It is common knowledge that secondhand smoke is harmful. That's why some states have outlawed smoking in the workplace and public buildings.

I don't know where your mother got the notion that quitting smoking cold turkey could have a negative impact on her health. For years, doctors have said that it's the most effective way to stop. For smokers who can't face the challenge of sudden withdrawal from nicotine, there are now gums, patches and cessation programs to help people break the habit. Your mother's problem isn't that she's ignorant; it's that she's so wedded to her addiction she doesn't want to quit.

As much as you love her, you are now a mother yourself. It is your job to protect your children from anything that could harm them, and that includes secondhand smoke. From now on, do not take them to your mother's home; instead, entertain her in your smoke-free home. If she insists on smoking in her car, you will have to be the one to provide the transportation. And for your own sanity, when the time comes for your mother to pay the piper as her own mother did, do not grieve that you didn't have more time with her. She lived her life the way she wanted.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my freshman year of college, living in the dorms. I have been baby-sitting for the same family for about four years. Their three children are all under the age of 5, yet I am being paid only $6 an hour -- a dollar more than when I first started baby-sitting the first two children as a high school student.

The average baby-sitting rate for a college student is much higher than I have been charging. I have a friendly relationship with the mother, but I still feel hesitant to tell her that I'd like to be paid more. How do I go about this? -- ANNA IN WILLIAMSVILLE, N.Y.

DEAR ANNA: Because you have a friendly relationship with the mother, call her and let her know that you'll be raising the price for your services. Do not apologize for doing so. Explain that the cost of living (gas, etc.) has increased since she first hired you. In addition, your qualifications have improved.

In the workplace, many women older than you have a problem with speaking up and asking for a raise to which they are entitled because they were raised to believe that "good girls" are modest and shouldn't brag. That kind of thinking can be a real handicap in the business world. So start now. This will be good practice for when you are older.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Myra," and I have been married more than 50 years, and all she does is watch soap operas every afternoon. I have invited her to lunch and other outings only to be told, "OK, but I gotta be home by noon to watch my shows."

If the mailman or UPS arrives with a package between noon and 4 and I'm not there, Myra ignores the bell. We have three adult children. If any of them call during that time, she'll refuse to talk to them even if it's an emergency. Once, it was our older daughter calling to say our son had been taken to the hospital with a major heart attack. Myra's sister died of a stroke one afternoon two years ago. My wife didn't learn about it until the following morning.

On weekends, Myra is always in a bad mood because she says, "My soaps aren't on today." (The housecleaning doesn't get done then, either, unless I do it.)

What's wrong with people like her? It's not the housework, Abby. I just wish my wife would realize there's more to life than soap operas. Can you think of a way to convince her to get a life, so to speak? -- BORED HUSBAND IN AKRON, OHIO

DEAR HUSBAND: I'll try, but you have to realize that you are dealing with someone who is severely addicted. Your wife gets a "rush" from watching her "soaps," and as her behavior on weekends shows, she goes into withdrawal if she doesn't get her "fix."

There may be a solution to this problem. Cable television companies now offer cable boxes that allow viewers to record their favorite television shows on a hard drive for later viewing. I recommend you look into it. If it's not available in your area, visit an electronics store and see what recording devices it has in stock.

However, as to convincing your spouse "to get a life" and start living it with you, it may already be too late for that. So make sure you have a life of your own by inviting others to join you for lunch and other outings. That might be what it takes to sober her up.

DEAR ABBY: My sister "Peggy's" daughter was married recently. She is 54, and it was her third marriage. Her invitation stated, "No gifts, please." My son and nephew gave the couple a card.

Peggy promptly called them both and informed them that when a wedding invitation states, "No gifts, please," it means that the couple doesn't need household items, that they should be given money instead.

I am aghast that Peggy would take it upon herself to reprimand my son and nephew and solicit money from them. What do you think of this? Incidentally, my nephew was married two years ago. My niece was invited and never sent a gift to them. -- BLOWN AWAY IN BEND, ORE.

DEAR BLOWN AWAY: Where do I begin? For openers, no mention of gifts should have been on the invitation -- and that includes "No gifts, please." Where your sister got the crazy idea that the phrase means "give money instead" I will never know. And for her to chastise your son and nephew for not giving her thrice-married daughter money was off the charts. Christmas is coming, and I have the perfect gift suggestion for her -- a book on etiquette.

DEAR ABBY: Is it proper for people to throw themselves a housewarming party? My husband and I are looking into buying our first home, and I'd love to have one. What, exactly, are the rules? Do you have to be newlyweds? I have never been to one or know anyone who has ever had one. Is it still done? -- CURIOUS IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR CURIOUS: It is customary for new homeowners, after getting settled in, to invite friends and family over for a housewarming. You don't have to be newlyweds -- just new homeowners. Generally, the host and hostess send invitations to prospective guests and provide the food and beverages. And the guests bring gifts for the house. That's all there is to it! Good luck with yours.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing regarding "Worried Mom" from Montana, who is frightened about her children drinking "21 shots" on their 21st birthday. She is rightfully concerned about this so-called "rite of passage." We lost our daughter, Kim, to binge drinking two years ago on Nov. 25. She consumed between 22 and 24 shots in a four-hour period and died in her dorm room. She was only 18. Did she know the danger she put herself in? No.

We now have a Web site that lists the signs of alcohol poisoning and what to do. The URL is � HYPERLINK "http://www.kimsawareness.net" ��www.kimsawareness.net�.

To lose a child over a senseless mistake causes pain that never goes away. Young adults must realize that if they indulge in any kind of binge drinking, they could never see tomorrow. -- MOTHER WHO'S BEEN THERE, UPPER DARBY, PA.

DEAR MOTHER: Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss, as well as my thanks for reaching out to warn parents and young adults about this practice. If your letter saves even one life, your effort will have been worth it. After "Worried Mom's" letter appeared, I was deluged with mail. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In Minnesota, the practice is called "Power Hour," and the person turning 21 tries to drink 21 shots between midnight and 1 a.m. of his or her birthday. We begged our son not to do it. We told him the danger. He, too, insisted, "It's fine!" At 1:30 a.m. we got a phone call from the hospital where he spent the next 12 hours on life support. We were lucky. Our son nearly died. This foolish, dangerous practice can lead to tragedy. Beware! -- MINNESOTA MOM

DEAR ABBY: I work on a military base. Several months ago, we heard the tragic news that a service member had died after "celebrating" his 21st birthday by drinking 21 shots. It turned out to be his last birthday. The cause of death was alcohol poisoning. Despite all the warnings and lectures, it still happened.

Please, parents, tell your children it is NOT "fine." It's deadly. My heart goes out to the parents of that young man. -- READER IN KNOB NOSTER, MO.

DEAR ABBY: Twenty-one drinks is over the lethal dose for alcohol. A local man bet he could drink 21 martinis in one hour. He won the bet and expired immediately. That mother is right to be worried. -- LEWIS R., M.D.

DEAR ABBY: In my hometown, a man took his son to the local bowling alley on his 21st birthday and proceeded to buy him 21 shots of liquor. Two hours later, the "birthday boy" was dead and his father was in jail. There's no way the human body can process that much alcohol in a few hours. -- DOUG FROM SACRAMENTO

DEAR ABBY: I'm surprised that "21 shots" nonsense is still happening. I witnessed it twice when I was in the Air Force and college. The first time, the guy tried to drink a fifth of whiskey. He died on the way to the hospital. The second guy tried to drink a case of beer in one sitting. He was hospitalized for weeks and was never the same again. Alcohol should not be necessary to have a fun time -- but getting that across isn't easy. -- SILVER FOX, SEVEN HILLS, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: If my daughter hadn't had a friend who brought her home to me, she would have died from binge drinking. Luckily, I was able to get her to the ER on time. Literally hundreds of kids die every year because of this. A college Web site -- � HYPERLINK "http://www.collegedrinkingprevention.gov" ��www.collegedrinkingprevention.gov� -- addresses this issue in a fact-based, peer-run, straight-forward forum. Let "Worried Mom" and other concerned parents know about it. This is a plague among our children. Knowing the facts is the only way to keep from dying. -- THANKFUL MOTHER, VENTURA, CALIF.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)