DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Myra," and I have been married more than 50 years, and all she does is watch soap operas every afternoon. I have invited her to lunch and other outings only to be told, "OK, but I gotta be home by noon to watch my shows."

If the mailman or UPS arrives with a package between noon and 4 and I'm not there, Myra ignores the bell. We have three adult children. If any of them call during that time, she'll refuse to talk to them even if it's an emergency. Once, it was our older daughter calling to say our son had been taken to the hospital with a major heart attack. Myra's sister died of a stroke one afternoon two years ago. My wife didn't learn about it until the following morning.

On weekends, Myra is always in a bad mood because she says, "My soaps aren't on today." (The housecleaning doesn't get done then, either, unless I do it.)

What's wrong with people like her? It's not the housework, Abby. I just wish my wife would realize there's more to life than soap operas. Can you think of a way to convince her to get a life, so to speak? -- BORED HUSBAND IN AKRON, OHIO

DEAR HUSBAND: I'll try, but you have to realize that you are dealing with someone who is severely addicted. Your wife gets a "rush" from watching her "soaps," and as her behavior on weekends shows, she goes into withdrawal if she doesn't get her "fix."

There may be a solution to this problem. Cable television companies now offer cable boxes that allow viewers to record their favorite television shows on a hard drive for later viewing. I recommend you look into it. If it's not available in your area, visit an electronics store and see what recording devices it has in stock.

However, as to convincing your spouse "to get a life" and start living it with you, it may already be too late for that. So make sure you have a life of your own by inviting others to join you for lunch and other outings. That might be what it takes to sober her up.

DEAR ABBY: My sister "Peggy's" daughter was married recently. She is 54, and it was her third marriage. Her invitation stated, "No gifts, please." My son and nephew gave the couple a card.

Peggy promptly called them both and informed them that when a wedding invitation states, "No gifts, please," it means that the couple doesn't need household items, that they should be given money instead.

I am aghast that Peggy would take it upon herself to reprimand my son and nephew and solicit money from them. What do you think of this? Incidentally, my nephew was married two years ago. My niece was invited and never sent a gift to them. -- BLOWN AWAY IN BEND, ORE.

DEAR BLOWN AWAY: Where do I begin? For openers, no mention of gifts should have been on the invitation -- and that includes "No gifts, please." Where your sister got the crazy idea that the phrase means "give money instead" I will never know. And for her to chastise your son and nephew for not giving her thrice-married daughter money was off the charts. Christmas is coming, and I have the perfect gift suggestion for her -- a book on etiquette.

DEAR ABBY: Is it proper for people to throw themselves a housewarming party? My husband and I are looking into buying our first home, and I'd love to have one. What, exactly, are the rules? Do you have to be newlyweds? I have never been to one or know anyone who has ever had one. Is it still done? -- CURIOUS IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR CURIOUS: It is customary for new homeowners, after getting settled in, to invite friends and family over for a housewarming. You don't have to be newlyweds -- just new homeowners. Generally, the host and hostess send invitations to prospective guests and provide the food and beverages. And the guests bring gifts for the house. That's all there is to it! Good luck with yours.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing regarding "Worried Mom" from Montana, who is frightened about her children drinking "21 shots" on their 21st birthday. She is rightfully concerned about this so-called "rite of passage." We lost our daughter, Kim, to binge drinking two years ago on Nov. 25. She consumed between 22 and 24 shots in a four-hour period and died in her dorm room. She was only 18. Did she know the danger she put herself in? No.

We now have a Web site that lists the signs of alcohol poisoning and what to do. The URL is � HYPERLINK "http://www.kimsawareness.net" ��www.kimsawareness.net�.

To lose a child over a senseless mistake causes pain that never goes away. Young adults must realize that if they indulge in any kind of binge drinking, they could never see tomorrow. -- MOTHER WHO'S BEEN THERE, UPPER DARBY, PA.

DEAR MOTHER: Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss, as well as my thanks for reaching out to warn parents and young adults about this practice. If your letter saves even one life, your effort will have been worth it. After "Worried Mom's" letter appeared, I was deluged with mail. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In Minnesota, the practice is called "Power Hour," and the person turning 21 tries to drink 21 shots between midnight and 1 a.m. of his or her birthday. We begged our son not to do it. We told him the danger. He, too, insisted, "It's fine!" At 1:30 a.m. we got a phone call from the hospital where he spent the next 12 hours on life support. We were lucky. Our son nearly died. This foolish, dangerous practice can lead to tragedy. Beware! -- MINNESOTA MOM

DEAR ABBY: I work on a military base. Several months ago, we heard the tragic news that a service member had died after "celebrating" his 21st birthday by drinking 21 shots. It turned out to be his last birthday. The cause of death was alcohol poisoning. Despite all the warnings and lectures, it still happened.

Please, parents, tell your children it is NOT "fine." It's deadly. My heart goes out to the parents of that young man. -- READER IN KNOB NOSTER, MO.

DEAR ABBY: Twenty-one drinks is over the lethal dose for alcohol. A local man bet he could drink 21 martinis in one hour. He won the bet and expired immediately. That mother is right to be worried. -- LEWIS R., M.D.

DEAR ABBY: In my hometown, a man took his son to the local bowling alley on his 21st birthday and proceeded to buy him 21 shots of liquor. Two hours later, the "birthday boy" was dead and his father was in jail. There's no way the human body can process that much alcohol in a few hours. -- DOUG FROM SACRAMENTO

DEAR ABBY: I'm surprised that "21 shots" nonsense is still happening. I witnessed it twice when I was in the Air Force and college. The first time, the guy tried to drink a fifth of whiskey. He died on the way to the hospital. The second guy tried to drink a case of beer in one sitting. He was hospitalized for weeks and was never the same again. Alcohol should not be necessary to have a fun time -- but getting that across isn't easy. -- SILVER FOX, SEVEN HILLS, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: If my daughter hadn't had a friend who brought her home to me, she would have died from binge drinking. Luckily, I was able to get her to the ER on time. Literally hundreds of kids die every year because of this. A college Web site -- � HYPERLINK "http://www.collegedrinkingprevention.gov" ��www.collegedrinkingprevention.gov� -- addresses this issue in a fact-based, peer-run, straight-forward forum. Let "Worried Mom" and other concerned parents know about it. This is a plague among our children. Knowing the facts is the only way to keep from dying. -- THANKFUL MOTHER, VENTURA, CALIF.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm engaged to a very special young lady I'll call "Rhonda." Our wedding date is approaching soon. We're both excited about the prospect of being married.

The problem is Rhonda can't decide who should walk her down the aisle -- her father, who wasn't a big part of her life while she was growing up, although they have a good relationship now, or her ex-stepfather, whom she feels deserves the honor.

The real problem is the grandparents. If she chooses the stepdad, her grandparents will be upset, and she doesn't want to do that. However, if she chooses her daddy, she feels she will not have given her ex-stepfather the respect he deserves.

Please help. -- CONCERNED FIANCE IN TEXAS

DEAR CONCERNED FIANCE: I have a suggestion. Ask Rhonda to draw a line on a piece of paper, symbolizing her life from birth to today. Parallel to it, she should draw another line illustrating how much of her life her birth father had a relationship with her. On the other side of her "lifeline" she should draw a similar line representing how long her ex-stepfather has been there for her.

Now, let's pretend the center line, the lifeline, is the aisle. Her birth father should walk her as far as his line extends on the piece of paper; her ex-stepdad should take her the rest of the way. Unless they both walk her from start to finish, I think that would be a fair compromise.

DEAR ABBY: I need advice on how to stop picking at my boyfriend. It drives him up the wall, and I know it -- but I can't help myself. If he has a blemish, I pick at it. If he has a whisker out of place, I want to pull it out. It's a horrible habit I have gotten myself into. I have tried to stop, but it drives me crazy. Please help me. -- SWEET MONKEY IN SEATTLE

DEAR SWEET MONKEY: You appear to be obsessive-compulsive where your boyfriend is concerned. (For a moment, I was afraid you'd be telling me that you eat the fleas you groom out of his coat.) One way to stop "picking" at your boyfriend would be to concentrate more on your own imperfections than on his. If you do, I predict you'll probably keep him around longer.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is controlling and verbally abusive. It's his way or no way. We separated, and after two months, he asked if I would come to his place -- so I did and stayed the weekend.

He told me about a woman he had met, but he said he wanted me to come back home. I decided to give our marriage one more try. After one week, he was seeing the woman again. Two weeks later, he ordered me to leave. He said he loved her and wanted to see if their relationship would grow. He said if it doesn't, he will call me.

Should I wait for him or go on with my life? My emotions are so raw because of the turmoil that I'm not thinking clearly. -- DOWN AND OUT IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR DOWN AND OUT: The good Lord has given you a blessed gift, the chance to escape from a controlling and verbally abusive man who does not value you. Please take the break that has been offered, and go on and make a happy life for yourself. If you allow this relationship to continue (one can hardly call it a marriage), the cycle will only repeat until you have no self-esteem left.

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