DEAR READERS: I have happy news. You have been writing to me for years -- now you will have a chance to actually talk to me in person! On Dec. 1 at 1 p.m. EST -- that's 10 a.m. PST -- I'm inviting you to pick up the phone, call me and ask your questions. The toll-free number is (800) 501-7080.

You can listen to the program by logging on to DearAbbyRadio.com. So join me then, and we'll make it a holiday "party" to remember! -- Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Andy," and I are being married soon. From the first time that Andy met my friend "Doug," they did not get along.

Doug and I have known each other since elementary school. We are very close -- in a sibling sort of way, as far as I'm concerned. When we're all together, just the three of us or in a large group, Doug makes subtle or sarcastic comments about Andy both to his face and behind his back. Andy has been very tolerant, at my request, although he wants to "have words" with Doug. Andy has also expressed recently that he doesn't like the way Doug casually touches me, which I hadn't really noticed until he pointed it out. What I can't understand is: Why?

Everyone I know who meets Doug or has known him for a few years, including my parents, are convinced he is gay. As close as I am to him, I can't tell one way or the other. His mannerisms are effeminate, he doesn't involve himself with women, he loves to shop with me and his mother, his taste is exquisite -- among other stereotypical "signs." But he has not come out. If he's gay, the casual touching is a little odd. If he's straight, I don't want to lose his friendship.

I'm terrified of asking Doug if he's gay. He seems to take offense at the notion, and I don't want to embarrass either one of us. But I need a way to tell him to calm down, without making it seem as if I'm against him now that I'm being married. Can you help me? -- MS. CHAOTIC IN DALLAS

DEAR MS. CHAOTIC: Doug may be so deeply closeted that he isn't even out to himself, so don't ask him. Whether he's gay or straight is beside the point. His manners are terrible. Doug is showing hostility and disrespect to the man you are going to marry.

What you should say to him is that you had hoped you would be friends for a lifetime, but it's not going to happen if he continues treating Andy this way. Inform him that he owes your fiance an apology (it's the truth), and that you'd appreciate it if he backed off and kept his hands to himself, because frankly, it's making you uncomfortable. After that, it's his choice as to whether he wants to build bridges or put himself on the outs.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend beats me almost every day. I don't know what to do because he only does it when we're having sex. So far, he has given me a black eye and a bloody nose.

Abby, I love this man, but I don't know what to do. Can you help me? -- CONFUSED IN CAMBRIDGE CITY, IND.

DEAR CONFUSED: I'll try. There are people who are unable to achieve sexual satisfaction unless they hurt their partners. These people are called sadists. There are also people who enjoy being punished in this way. They are called masochists. Unless you are a masochist, and it does not appear that you are, this man is not for you. His behavior could escalate to the point that you could be seriously injured.

My advice is to end the relationship now. If you allow this pattern to continue, you'll need a plastic surgeon to repair the damage.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR READERS: The bells are ringing and the air is brisk with winter chill. If you haven't already started, it's time to compile those Christmas lists once again. Every year readers ask me to suggest thoughtful gifts for seniors -- especially those living on fixed incomes.

First, a gentle warning: Do not send cologne, aftershave or scented bath powder, unless you're sure it's welcome. Scents are highly personal; not every perfume works on every person.

Never give a pet to anyone unless you have made absolutely certain the person wants one and can properly care for it.

Unless you're sure they imbibe, refrain from giving alcoholic beverages to people. Also, while candy, nuts and holiday confections make beautiful gifts for those who are not counting calories, please show compassion for those who must, and lead them not into temptation.

Many folks on fixed incomes would welcome a gift basket of goodies. Include small cans of tuna, chicken or stew; assorted flavored instant coffee and herbal teas; soup mixes, crackers, cookies, nuts, dried fruit and hot breakfast cereal. Or fill their freezer with frozen homemade meals that can be microwaved in minutes.

Gift certificates can be a godsend. Give gift certificates for groceries, haircuts, manicures, massages, dry cleaning, restaurant meals, video rentals and department stores. Tickets make great gifts -- to movies, concerts, the opera, a play (could be at a local community theater) and sporting events.

Homemade coupons for "Honey-do's" (Honey, do this -- and Honey, do that) make thoughtful presents. Create some that are redeemable for chores such as window washing, painting, gardening; washing, waxing and car detailing; replacing light bulbs, cleaning ceiling fans, changing air-conditioning filters; moving heavy furniture for spring and fall cleaning, and transportation for shopping or doctor's visits, etc.

Because not all seniors drive, bus passes and coupons for senior transportation or taxis can come in handy.

Prepayment of utilities for a month or two can be sent directly to the utility company. Then inform the recipients they'll have "extra" money to spend as they wish. We all know medications are notoriously expensive. A gift certificate to the neighborhood pharmacy would be greatly appreciated.

For pet owners, remember their furry, four-legged family member with a treat -- a can of dog or cat food or a rawhide chew stick or catnip toy. (They'll lap it up!)

A subscription to a magazine or newspaper you know the person will enjoy is a gift that keeps on giving. Large-print calendars with family birthdays, anniversaries, etc., marked and personalized with family photographs, are welcome, as are large-print address books with information transferred from the recipient's records.

Give a small radio or remote-controlled television, if finances permit. A cordless phone or answering machine makes a practical gift as well.

Other suggestions: a cuddly robe, slippers or socks with non-skid soles, sweatpants and sweatshirts, and stationery (be sure to include felt-tipped pens and lots of stamps).

And remember, the holidays can be a depressing time for people who are alone. If someone you know could use an outing, give that person the most meaningful gift of all -- an invitation to have a meal with you and your family. The greatest gift you can give is a gift of yourself.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband's son is planning a wedding for next year. I am not very close to him or his fiancee.

My problem is my husband wants all of his out-of-state family to stay with us in the new home that we just moved into a few months ago. They'll be staying for one week.

I feel we'll be very busy and stressed at that time. Also, the house is not quite ready for overnight guests. Would I be out of line to ask everyone to stay in a nearby motel? My husband thinks it would be rude; however, he will make his decision based on your answer. -- WORRIED IN WILMINGTON

DEAR WORRIED: I wish you had mentioned how many of your husband's relatives would be staying with you, and how many bedrooms you have to accommodate them. However, I'll venture a guess that it'll be a horde, and they'd be camped out on air mattresses and underfoot everywhere. If that's the case, I agree it would be too stressful.

It is common for the parents of the bridal couple to arrange to reserve a block of hotel rooms at reduced rates on occasions like this. That way, guests have private space for quiet time, their own bed to sleep in, their own bathroom accommodations, etc. And that's what I suggest you do for your stepson's wedding. To make your guests feel welcome, arrange to have a fruit and/or snack basket waiting in each room when your guests arrive, plus an itinerary of things for them to do. (It goes without saying that you would entertain them in your home at least once during the week they're in town.)

DEAR ABBY: Although I am only 18, I am married, hold a full-time job and am in my second year of college. I currently hold an accounting position, which makes me look and feel older than I actually am.

When people at work ask me how old I am, I feel like they start to look down on me because I am younger than they are. I actually supervise a woman who is 30, and I'm worried that once she finds out my age she will not listen to me.

I want respect in the workplace, so what should I say when people ask how old I am? -- STRICTLY BUSINESS IN TEXAS

DEAR STRICTLY BUSINESS: There are certain categories of questions that by law cannot be asked in the workplace. Among them are marital status, religion, race and age. You are not obligated to tell anyone how old you are (or aren't), so when you are asked, reply, "If you promise not to ask my age, I'll promise not to ask your bank balance."

DEAR ABBY: Being elderly, my husband and I wonder what we should do if either one of us wakes up and finds the other one deceased. Should we call the local funeral parlor, or should we contact the police? Can you please answer this question for us? We are truly at a loss as to what to do. -- LOOKING AHEAD IN VIRGINIA

DEAR LOOKING AHEAD: If one of you should die in your sleep, the survivor should telephone your local police department (not 911) so they can determine if the death was due to natural causes. They will then help the survivor to contact other family members, the funeral home, etc.

While this may not be standard operating procedure in every state, I know for a fact that it is in Minnesota and California -- and I suspect that it's similar in most other states as well.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)