DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Kirk," accompanied me overseas for an extended military tour. He has been an excellent care provider for my two children, ages 2 and 7. He does all kinds of activities with them that I cannot because of my work schedule.

I recently found out that Kirk has been having an affair and stealing from me to fund his activities. Initially, he lied about the whole thing in counseling, but when cornered he confessed. Kirk has since promised to end the affair, and I have taken precautions with my finances.

We have agreed to stay together until we get back to the states (about six months), and then we will file for divorce. My friends think that I'm crazy to keep him around, but there is no better person here to take care of our children -- and changing my hours is not an option. We never argue in front of the kids and are actually on amicable terms. Am I crazy? -- HURTING OVERSEAS

DEAR HURTING: Are you crazy? Crazy like a fox! You are behaving in a manner that is mature and rational, and I commend you for it.

DEAR ABBY: My 14-year-old daughter has been shaving her arms for the past six months because she says they are "hairy." I have tried my best to talk her out of it.

I asked advice from a neighbor, and she said I should forbid her from doing it because she can get skin cancer. Is that true? -- CONFUSED MOM, CALEXICO, CALIF.

DEAR CONFUSED MOM: If that were true, every man and woman who shaved other parts of their bodies would be suffering from skin cancer. However, I would discourage her from shaving her arms because there are better ways to deal with the problem. Using a depilatory wax to remove the hair would take it out by the roots and cause it to eventually grow in more sparsely. And using a depilatory cream would "wipe" away the hair, leaving less of a visible stubble than shaving does. She might also consider bleaching the hair on her arms, which would make it less noticeable.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law recently decided to move into an assisted-living facility. Because of limited space, she needs to get rid of excess baggage, so she had a rummage sale. She has also begun to return gifts she has received to those who gave them to her. I find that rude and insulting, as each gift was given for a reason, and getting them back feels like rejection.

A good friend of mine feels it's an honor to get those gifts back rather than see these treasures in a rummage sale or given to someone who doesn't understand the meaning behind the gift. My question: Who's right? -- CINDY IN MINNESOTA

DEAR CINDY: She is. And my question to you is, why are you looking for rejection? Your mother-in-law has to downsize, and I'd say she's doing it in the most sensitive way possible.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR READERS: Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I know you are busy with the hustle and bustle of entertaining, but let's not forget that our young men and women in the military are always in need of encouragement. Most of these dedicated young people are between the ages of 17 and 21, and away from home for the first time. The Department of Defense tells me that messages of support from home are their greatest morale booster.

So if you can spare a moment, go to your computers, type in � HYPERLINK "http://www.OperationDEarAbby.net" ��www.OperationDearAbby.net�, and tell our troops you are thankful for their sacrifice and devotion to duty, especially on the day of Thanksgiving. You'll be glad you did it, and so will they. Thank you in advance from them -- and from me. Love -- ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My family and I recently went to my brother's home for a family get-together. During our visit, my wife was told that our nephew was being married. Our nephew then announced that he is going to have all those who plan on attending submit a 75-word essay stating why we should be invited. I said, "Why?" My wife and I were appalled.

What do you think of this, Abby? -- APPALLED IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR APPALLED: If your nephew is trying to keep his wedding a small and intimate affair, he's doing a great job of it. I have never heard of an essay contest to determine who will be allowed to attend a wedding. (Will those people whose essays don't get a passing grade be excluded?) If I were you, I'd send your nephew and his bride a lovely congratulatory card and skip the "contest."

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday a young man from a religious sect rang my doorbell and pounded on my door until I opened it. I told him, "Please do not come to my home again. I have a baby and you just woke her up." He replied, "Lady, you are rude." I apologized and explained again about my baby.

My problem, Abby, is this happens all the time. I live in a new subdivision, and religious groups and vacuum cleaner salesmen come to my door several times a week. I have a large "No Soliciting" sign posted by my front door. Have you any suggestions? -- PAM B., HOUSTON

DEAR PAM: The person who came to your door should have apologized for disturbing you instead of trying to turn you into the bad guy. However, please bear in mind that he could have come to rob you (or worse), and you are under no obligation to open your door to any stranger -- and that includes salesmen and religious proselytizers.

You might try placing another sign by your front door that says "No Witnessing." If that doesn't work, consider disabling your doorbell or fencing your yard and posting a "No Trespassing" sign, provided it's allowed in your subdivision.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a wonderful 1 1/2-year-old son, the love of our lives. Sadly, my father passed away before he was born and never got to see him.

Recently, my family -- including my mother -- took a vacation together. We took some wonderful pictures of my mother holding her grandson. We're considering having one of the pictures enlarged professionally as a birthday gift to my mother, and my wife suggested we Photoshop a picture of my father into the picture so that there is a portrait of both my parents and their grandson.

I like the idea; however, I am concerned that it may make my mother sad and be a reminder that my father is no longer here. What do you think? -- TRYING TO BE THOUGHTFUL IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR TRYING TO BE THOUGHTFUL: I think the sentiment is nice, but it would be wrong. When in doubt -- don't.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: When I was 4, my two older siblings and I were taken from our mother and her live-in boyfriend by Social Services. All three of us had been victims of molestation. We had also been exposed to illicit drugs. If that wasn't enough, I later learned that our grandfather was also our father. I spent half my childhood in three different foster homes until, finally, at the age of 8, I was adopted by a caring family.

Eleven years went by, and I never heard from any of them. Then one day, my father received a call from one of my sisters. The two of them had been looking for me. He told them where I could be found. At first, I was overjoyed to hear from them. Of course, I made contact with my birth mother after that.

We have now been communicating for 10 years, and it has been nothing but pure hell. Every time we speak, I'm reminded of the horrible events that occurred when we were younger. So much so, that it has affected my sex life with my husband.

I don't want to subject my family to this anymore. How can I tell them I want to cease all contact with them without causing a huge uproar? Please help me. -- MISERABLE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MISERABLE: I'm surprised you waited this long to ask that question. Your reasons for waiting to be left alone seem reasonable to me. Inform your siblings and your unfit birth mother that contact with them is so painful for you that it has affected your marriage, and you must stop it. Do not apologize for your feelings or allow yourself to be made to feel guilty. Explain this to your adoptive parents as well so they can't be used as pawns. And if necessary, block unwanted calls, e-mails, etc.

Because it appears you did not get counseling as a result of the sexual abuse you suffered as a child, and it has adversely affected your relationship with your husband, I urge you to do it now. Your physician can refer you to a trained psychotherapist who can help you deal with your past. For the sake of your marriage, please don't wait any longer to do this.

DEAR ABBY: While sitting with my husband in the hospital following his surgery, a nurse entered his room. We all chatted while she took his pulse, etc., when -– without warning –- she removed his covers to check the surgery site and totally exposed his genitals.

I was shocked and embarrassed, and have trouble ridding myself of the image of my naked husband lying there in front of another woman. I wish the nurse had given me the chance to leave the room.

Is there something wrong with me for having so much trouble with this? What can I do to avoid this in the future? -- RED-FACED IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR RED-FACED: On a scale of 10, I'd say you are probably an 8 on the "uptight" scale. You seem to have forgotten that the woman in the room with you was not a lap dancer, but a health-care professional performing her duties. Your husband was her patient, and in her eyes, was probably as sexless as a CPR dummy. To avoid embarrassment in the future, leave the room when the nurse enters.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I invited our family to Thanksgiving dinner and everyone wanted to bring their dogs. That would have meant I'd have 15 people and six dogs in my home.

My husband and I told our families that it is not OK to bring their family pets. Now they're upset with us. Did we really do the right thing? -- CONFUSED IN ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR CONFUSED: Let me put it this way: You didn't do a doggone thing wrong.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)